How to be an atheist in the Philippines

MANILA, Philippines - Being an atheist in a predominantly Catholic/Christian country can be a bitch. You have to sit through a million homilies and God-arguments should you decide to tune in to the law-making process. Any attempt at secularization is sure to be met with Bible quotes and conservative moral codes, when all you want to do is matter-of-factly discuss the situation at hand and come up with the most rational solution. Instead, you have to make room for a lot of what you honestly regard as superstition.

There are many days when I wish I lived in a secular country, where everybody I could talk to would more or less have the same wavelength. The reality is that I only have a handful of friends with whom I can freely discuss certain issues without a glitch in the communication, because we have the same frame of mind. For starters, I don’t have to explain to them where I get my morals, meaning, and passion.

My conservative friends and family, who comprise the majority of my relationships, are still trying to fish for my “hidden hurt, anger, and bitterness,” which they believe is the cause for my atheism, and once you get that out of the way I will surely go back to God. “Kahit mag-sorry pa ang buong mundo sa’kin,” I’ve tried explaining to some of them. They still don’t believe me.

That’s the biggest issue that atheists and other liberal thinkers in the Philippines have, I think — having to live with a huge communication barrier, whether you’re discussing the political or the personal. It’s like living on completely different planes from the people around you. It’s possible that you may never, ever meet and see eye to eye.

Lessons in living

Being an atheist in the Philippines is a bitch, but it’s a bitch that teaches you a lot.

One day I realized that while many of my friends and family didn’t understand me, they were still my friends and family. They were still pretty damn sure that they weren’t going anywhere. It’s easy to love when you understand the person perfectly. But loving even when you don’t understand? Damn. I had to give them credit for that.

I’ve learned to stop having epic arguments with my Christian dad over our conflicting beliefs. Ideologies aren’t worth killing relationships over. Personal beliefs are important, but not that important.

I’ve learned to stop demanding to be understood and cut people some slack. My convictions aren’t very common after all, and people need the space to get me all wrong before they can get me all right. Being gracious doesn’t make you a doormat. It means you’re secure enough to afford it. Besides, you can’t blame other people for not liking you if you’re so righteous and defensive all the time.

I’ve learned not to take other people’s off-putting comments too seriously. Yeah, they’re judging me for being “too liberal” and thinking I “know everything.” And, well, I’m judging them for speaking in tongues and believing an invisible person talks to them. Everyone’s a little bit racist. And as someone who likes to make a lot of snarky comments, I figured it would only be fair to let people have a go at me as well.

Division over the RH law

I’ve had to explain so many times that belief in God isn’t the source of morality — that I managed to make the transition without wanting to kill my mother, rob a bank, and rape our dog. But in turn, I also have to keep reminding myself that non-belief in God isn’t the source of reason, intelligence, and open-mindedness.

With the RH Law, it’s easy to assume that it’s a battle won by liberal people like me against the house of God, but I had to stop myself from gloating. “Ay wait. Pia Cayetano is a Christian!” A good bulk of the bill’s supporters was comprised of the Catholic and Christian majority. See, even that, we can’t delude our secular asses into taking full credit for. The house of God was there, too. “Vox populi, vox Dei,” my Catholic professor tweeted when the pros won in Congress.

Living in the Philippines serves as a stark reminder of all the reasons I’m proud of being an atheist. I don’t have a monopoly of them. It’s important to know that because liberals have the tendency to be proud, generalizing bigots, too.

I bet it would be a lot easier to be an atheist in the States where there are more like-minded people and condoms aren’t believed to have the ability to possess human beings with lust. Living in the Philippines, however, has kept me in check and forced me to dig deeper, go beyond differences, judgments, and at the end of the day relate to people as people. It taught me that division/isolation is a choice, and that it’s possible to be grossly outnumbered and grossly loved at the same time.

Then again, I should stop treating myself like such a special case because the truth is we all have differences to fight about. No matter how many hilarious memes are spread over Facebook, how hard and bitterly we work on our arguments, and who wins the battle, in the end we’re still stuck with each other. We still have to figure out a way to make things work. Ah, how satisfying it is to know that you all share my burden. What our beautiful, chaotic motherland strives to teach me, she strives to teach all of us.

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