That love is enough

MANILA, Philippines - Valentine’s Day, like all other holidays worth celebrating, comes with two things: pressure and traffic.

 If you’re part of a “we,” the bells and whistles are pretty apparent. Flowers, chocolates, dinner reservations, the perfect dress, and cool after-dinner plans that hopefully don’t involve all the other couples in the Greater Manila Area. Not to mention coming up with a gift, requirements being that it’s either thoughtful beyond words or has a price tag that can only mean love.

But for those of us who are single, we are constantly pressured into discussing how the holiday makes us feel. The words “okay” and “fine” are met with disbelief. After all, in the presence of so many heart-shaped things steeped in pink, red, and glitter, shouldn’t you be depressed? Don’t you wish you had someone to spend the day with? Don’t you wish you were part of the 50,000 couples on the road trying to make dinner reservations? Don’t you feel anything? What’s the matter with you?!

 Even if you’re good on your own (or have convinced yourself that you are), the questions and the jokes about “Singles Awareness Day” make you second-guess your own contentment. And before you know it, you’re hugging a giant tub of ice cream while spiralling down into the gallery of lost loves, wondering if you were the problem all along. The pressure officially turns a steady holiday into a major suck-fest.

Bridesmaids knows never to underestimate the power of a good drink and good company.

 In a simpler world, I would say that I do enjoy Valentine’s Day. Even someone as brash, forthright, and un-mushy as myself can appreciate a holiday that lends itself to the celebration of love. Not the extravagant diamonds and champagne in the Rainbow Room sort, but the kind you stumble upon in a playground when you’re four years old and another kid is wearing the same Swatch as yours. Love that is not necessarily romantic, has no underlying intentions or ambitious end-goals. Love that is simply love.

 I remember when I was younger, we used to bring gifts for our classmates of our own volition — roses, red fortune cookies, notes, candies, little heart-shaped stickers — and greet everyone “Happy Hearts’ Day.” (Or maybe it was Happy Heart’s Day in celebration of Heart Evangelista and I just never knew.)

  My girlfriends and I would also make a day of it — spend an afternoon singing karaoke or heading out to catch a cheesy Pinoy flick. We’d follow it with a meal and a recount of all our shameful dates, cementing our sisterhood with good food and unapologetic laughter. It was our little way of assuring each other that even though boyfriends come and go, we’d always be there for one another, especially if it involved John Lloyd and the words “Ganyan ka ba katigas, Bash?”

  To cap it off, my mom would put together a family dinner a day before or after the holiday. It was replete with all the fixings — red tablecloth, an indecent amount of food, candles that my nephews blew out as soon as they thought no one was looking. To this day, my parents make it a point for all of us to celebrate together, a reminder of where we first learned to love and to be patient.

  What I learned here is not that there are a million ways to make Valentine’s Day pass by a lot quicker, but that the pressure only exists if I allow it to have power over me. The width of contentment extends far beyond the reach of romance because being alone doesn’t mean I have to be lonely.

Take it from Bridget Jones: There's no better cure for the single blues than wine, chocolate and sharing your woes with friends.

 Valentine’s Day is not about having that one person worth braving the traffic for, but celebrating those I’d go to the ends of the earth for on any given day, without question or complaint. It’s not about how many failed connections I’ve had, but revelling in relationships unmarred by time and change. It’s appreciating the fact that the love I am in the midst of is greater than passing romance — filled with truth, loyalty, encouragement, joy, and hope. That’s more than most people get in a lifetime, and it deserves some recognition.

  So, my fellow singletons, it is my hope for you to discover that Valentine’s is for love and not just for lovers. May you dance till your legs fall off, eat and drink to your heart’s content, hop on each impulse onto your next big adventure, and relish every face, moment, season, and flavor. May you find joy in the simplicity of being unattached and in the freedom we so often take for granted. And may you be blessed enough to find, even in the absence of someone to share that perfect chocolate soufflé with, that the love that surrounds you is more than enough.