'Tis the season to be gaudy
We are at the zenith of the holiday party stretch and a thought just crossed my mind: What if, instead of encouraging their employees to show up in their finest, managers everywhere coaxed staff to come to their office festivities in their least tasteful outfits? If you can’t connect the dots, here it is, the theme to end all themes: ugly-ass Christmas sweaters. They’re relentlessly tacky, they’re a good laugh and they make for thoroughly regrettable photos. No alcohol necessary.
If you’re still unable to picture it, imagine the cheesiest greeting card reincarnated as an all-too-cozy knit: felt snowflakes, appliquéd candy canes, and a frightening abundance of red and green. The more of these features you can combine on one sweater, the better. You know it’s bad, but so what? Grandmas embrace these holly-and-ivy festooned clothes with open arms. So should you.
From Santa Claus To Santa Clown
Once dreaded, these visual abominations are now celebrated — with a post-ironic wink, of course. Think somewhere along the lines of The OC’s Seth Cohen come Chrismukkah. Or The Lonely Island boys — young comedians Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone — in this month’s GQ.
Even Colin Firth knows a thing or two about taking a popular Christmas character and putting it to shame. As Mark Darcy in 2001’s Bridget Jones’s Diary, the acclaimed British actor donned his gay apparel: a now-iconic pullover. “In the book it was one of those horrid, bold-patterned sweaters, but the producers gave me a choice between a more subdued one with a row of little reindeer and the one with that big reindeer head, which I found irresistible,” he told Vanity Fair Italy in 2003. The ghastly garment proved to be so popular that it was eventually auctioned off at Christie’s for £1,900 and merited an homage in the sequel, 2004’s Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. 
I consider this novelty item the December equivalent of the Cosby sweater. Pick any random clip of The Cosby Show, a sitcom about a successful African-American family that ran from 1984 to 1992, and you’re bound to encounter a dazzling piece of knitwear worn, as a trademark, by patriarch Dr. Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby). This once-unsung member of the cast has since been given its due shout out on Tumblr via The Cosby Sweater Project. Singer Nick Cannon — aka Mr. Mariah Carey — has also recognized its cultural relevance, writing in his website: “His sweaters are so famous that people actually throw Bill Cosby sweater parties. The Cosby sweater even has its own day — Sept. 20 — and Facebook page.”
Yule Love It
When done right, this kitschy Christmas cliché can become high fashion. For two years now, the Fair Isle knit has been the “it” pattern of the season. Borrowing its name from a tiny island north of Scotland where the technique to arrange multiple colors in a repeating design was first developed, the traditional motif served as the inspiration for D&G’s Fall 2010 après-ski extravaganza. At Rag & Bone late last year, New York-based British gentlemen Marcus Wainwright and David Neville juxtaposed Harris Tweed with outerwear for their first women’s show, including a few Fair Isle pieces.
This year, cheeky winter wonderland knitwear is proving to be the new statement item for men. While Raf Simons’ Fall 2011 collection included snug Nordic-nodding Merino jumpers, it was Junya Watanabe’s take on the knitting style that kick started broader interest. As fashion journalist Tim Blanks noted, “Junya’s fashion bricolage pulled together elements that were opposed to the point of randomness. A Fair Isle hoodie? A sailor jacket in khaki? The college boys that ruminated on his park bench at the beginning of the show had transmogrified into hunters by its end.”
In fact, one of the Japanese designer’s more iconic creations has been spotted on pop star Justin Bieber. The 17-year-old wore a Comme des Garçons Junya Watanabe MAN varsity jacket at a recent Today show performance, a reworked version of the American classic that had a jacquard wool body, leather sleeves and a full cotton sateen lining. While the craftsmanship is undeniable, it has become a style blog flashpoint: Is it truly cool or is it, at $1700, merely a pricey ugly Christmas sweater? Now that more celebs are on to Junya, has the label been cheapened? Ho-ho-holy crap.
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