Supreme Hotlist: 3D sex, man-icures and pepperoni pizzas

Pizza Flavor of the Week: Pepperoni Ronaldhini

MANILA, Philippines - Cory Quirino came to Ilocos for a taste of bagnet pizza, and Jasmine Lennard goes to Hollywood for pepperoni. Dishing the juicy details about her textual and sexual relationship with hunky-yet-girly athlete Cristiano Ronaldo in 2008, Lennard divulges in a tell-all interview about Cristiano’s Skype dates with other girls as well, including reality bombshell Kim Kardashian. Lennard also clears Ronaldo from the gay rumors, confirming that his pepperoni pizza is “family size.” Sadly, it’s one pizza she did not appreciate. “Oh for God’s sake, let’s get this over with,” she said after the pepperoni fell short of devouring expectations.

Smithsonian Machismo Artifact of the Year: Zac Efron

Because Glee is so 2008 when High School Musical is so 2000-late, The Zac Efron-Vanessa Hudgens romance is the only surviving proof they once held the attention of ogling teens all throughout America. In an effort to reinstate that status and reaffirm his tarnished machismo (after that dancing and prancing, of course), Efron presented surfboards at the Teen Choice Awards, this year bearing a mustache and what appeared to be very masculine blue fingernail polish on two of his fingers.

Punch of the week: Rep. Pacquiao’s left jab

“Ing prafir purum.” That’s exactly where PacMan, now representative of Saranggani province, wants his fellow lawmakers to lash their criticisms and debate about the alleged crimes of ex-PGMA. “We are very much delayed by this,” Pacquiao said in Filipino, aiming a jab at the leftist congressmen throwing accusations to the Pampanga solon. Suggesting it be left to the Truth Commission to investigate, PacMan invited the warring camps of Dato Arroyo and JV Ejercito to a game of basketball after session. Both camps agreed to play ball, with JV praying Dato got the height gene from his mom.

Top Reason Why 3D Must Get the F Off: Step Up 3D

It’s not vertigo, it’s 3D. After the TV craze for 3D shows, then came the cinematic debut. Movie makers soon joined the 3D fad and before we all knew it, it’s wearing off. After presenting moviegoers with cheap 3D glasses for “enhanced viewing pleasure,” more producers joined the bandwagon to revolutionize entertainment. Step Up 3D promises the same, with its character swift and suave dance moves popping out of the screen as if they’re molded there. Or so we thought, before all those bad reviews came in. The movie is a disaster as some critics say, while others say it’s forgivable. We’d settle with the movie being good — if they can dance tinikling in 3D.

Top Reason Why 3D Must Stay the F On: Maria Ozawa on 3D

Save for the gay community, every red-blooded man on earth is excited about the launch of the latest in Japanese technology: 3D porn. Yep, porn’s never gonna be the same when this launches, and it’s not Japanese geishas that will be materializing full-frontal before the screen. Hollywood adult companies such as Hustler have expressed plans of doing an Avatar parody, in full 3D. Trying to veer from the gigantic sperm projectiles directly shot at the viewer, developers of the new technology are inclining towards immersion is the key, guaranteeing the viewing public that it will be as if they’re watching from a window. Now that’s awesome.

Super Ex-Girlfriend of the Month: Amanda Monti and her mighty hands

Geoffrey Jones wished he just gave in to the advances of his ex-girlfriend Amanda Monti one drunken party evening than be in his current stupor. Jones, 37, lost his left testicle that night when his enraged ex pulled it out of his pants and tried to swallow it. The testicle was handed back to its rightful owner moments later, from a friend telling Jones, “That’s yours.” Monti was sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison, though in a letter to the court she clarified that she was “in no way a violent person.” Jones meanwhile has developed an extreme fear of kwek-kwek.

Revival of the Month: Ginger Spice brews some old tea

No, she’s not off to the Moluccas Islands to pick new spices, but Ginger Spice is off to find the new members of her old girl band Spice Girls and resurface after 16 years. Tapped as Spice Girls 2.0, Geri Haliwell began her search for the next members of the band, wanting to keep the energy and vibe of the older version intact, adding more current trends to put their names back on the hot list. We heard she’s auditioning girls from all over the world to launch a multiracial group, and here in the country, chef Rosebud Benitez was picked as finalist. She will be known as “Umami Spice.”

One Liner of the Week: “If women like it, it must be stupid.”

In its current issue, Entertainment Weekly released an article with the line “If women like it, it must be stupid.” which delves into women’s supposed predilection for all things stupid. This was met with much opposition, especially from women’s rights activists and plain readers, citing that Entertainment Weekly’s reader demographic is composed mostly of women. Having something that would piss off your target market would be a business no-no, and claiming that what your readers like is stupid means admitting you, as well, are stupid. Whatever the case is, at least Chuck Norris is happy no woman likes him. At least he gets to be smart.

Leon Guerrero Lifetime Achievement Award: Jun Geronimo

Leon Guerrero is a famed action man, a noble warrior and a precise chunk of strength. So is Jun Geronimo, pop princess Sarah Geronimo’s dad who just survived a kidnapping attempt inside the ABS-CBN compound. Daddy Jun was attacked with a Taser gun and the suspect tried to salvage his belongings before deciding to take him hostage inside a van. Daddy Jun agilely escaped his captor, calling out the attention of security guards in the parking, eventually catching the suspect. Because of this show of bravery and strength, the celeb’s dad is acknowledged as a modern-day Leon Guerrero. He will be receiving a trophy, cash prize, a horse and a year’s supply of Bermuda.

Song of the Week: “Single Ladies” by Alex Escat

Our featured song of the week is a cover of Beyonce’s 2009 hit Single Ladies, sung by royal model Alex Escat, no less. In an article released by the dailymail.co.uk, Alex, who claims to be single, was spotted with British royalty Prince Andrew, Duke of York, relaxing on a private yacht off the coast of some European island. UK’s Hello! magazine made a fuss over the issue when it claimed Escat is married, but close friend Cheryl Tiu tweeted in her defense, saying she is single. Ah, the royals of Britain. Single or not single, we don’t care. As long as you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.