Why of things
To awaken the great spirits within others. I think my father’s design was to make children who would somehow effect change in others. My kuya was named after Karl Marx, my other brother after Vincent Van Gogh. These names are both legendary minds in their respective fields. People who changed the world. I am the only exception in the family — I was named after my father.
I guess this is why I gravitate towards people who see things differently. People like Alexis Tioseco, who was a film critic extraordinaire, true lover of Filipino films, amazing soul, kindred spirit. He had a senseless passing, but his spirit will forever live on with us. People like Gilbert Teodoro, who inspired a dormant youth by pointing out innovative solutions to what we thought were impossible obstacles in society.
I look up to people who constantly expand horizons. They are the people who refuse to be tied down to a single belief system, because they are aware it may not work for all situations. They are the people who can look at a problem from every perspective, and come up with the solution that nobody else saw.
And to leave this world in peace. Whenever I sense my head is about to explode, I simply take a walk under the night sky. And the stars would always talk to me: You are such insignificant things. Get this through your tiny head. You are all insignificant beings. Are we crystal on that?
I cannot comprehend how God created such amazing things. They seem so tiny and friendly, that people make up constellations like they were pieces on a board game, and stories like they’re gods who care about human existence. But if you travel a million miles into space, you will see how gigantic and monstrous they actually are.
In the great cosmos of things, under the microscope of the very powers that aligned Venus and the crescent moon, we are the most primitive of energy beings. And I always stand in great awe of this.
Sure, it makes me feel small. But in realizing that my own physical self is somehow connected to the stars, that I am indeed an integral part of an unfathomable whole — I feel as big as the universe.
It reminds me to laugh at whatever illusions I have of grandeur. Because really, what can be more grand than the vastness above our heads? This world is merely a temporary home. We are all going to leave, sooner than we think.
And when you lose your way like I did, when you find yourself in a panic, just remember that it’s perfectly okay to go crazy for a while. All that you have to do is remain fearless in your faith. Now, I am happy to say that I am finally getting back on track. And just like the first time, these words are finally making sense again:
“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
The moment you find your great desire will dictate the rest of your life, a kind of hyper reality sets in. You move around the world with perfect awareness, every move with a certain kind of deliberation. You start liking yourself again, and you start giving out love to all the things and people around you.
Amid meditating alone in my room, stripping bare under the night sky, with the symphonies of Muse playing with my subconscious, making my hands sway without minding the beat, something important came back to me.
Last night, I saw the world clearly for what it was and what it wasn’t. I am back to my old self. I am home.
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Part one of this article is linked on my Twitter. http://twitter.com/pingmedina
