Luvet!

MANILA, Philippines - Lots of people have asked me what I thought about love. I’ll get a text, a private message, an IM, etc. But not a phone call. Coz that’s weird. “Pare. Long time. What do you think about love, by the way?”

See. Weird.

Anyway, we’ll talk for about two hours. Cry a little, then I’ll send him a hug over Facebook. But still, in no way do I think of myself as any sort of authority on love. Which I think works great for me. I think the best way to attack love is to be incredibly naive about it. I mean no one wants to know the one, true answer to it. That just spoils the fun. The more foolish you are, the better.

Which brings me to my next point: answering questions about love. As I have already established my “credibility” on the matter, there really is nowhere else to go but up. And in the world of love (sometimes lust), that can sometimes be a good thing. So below is a list of the different questions I came across and answers I threw out. Some are stupid. Some even more. But all will somehow relate.

How do you know you’ve fallen in love?

When you want so badly to include the girl in your profile pic, but you can’t for fear that it might come across as too creepy.

What’s the craziest thing you saw someone do for love?

This one’s easy. Just go to any of the popular all-girls schools on a Friday and watch. I hear the guys that do this in Poveda are called bakal boys. I assume it’s because they’re a just a letter-switch away from being called bakla boys. So anyway, if you’re lucky, you’ll see a guy trying to make style on his chickababe (chick + babe = chickababe). And in some way, that method has become a sort of a test of creativity for some of these would-be Romeos. I actually had the honor of witnessing a guy do a magic show for a girl in a school in San Lorenzo I will leave unnamed. While waiting for my girl to come out, I watched to see how good he would suck with his. First, he brought out the 20-page essay covered in Polo Sport perfume he wrote, or palanca as he called it, and gave it to her. Then, as the girl basked in her kilig, the dude made some weird hand gesture to reveal a rose he had hidden behind his forearm using scotch tape. Genius. He somehow became a winner and loser all at the same time.

What is love?

Watch Moulin Rouge over and over.

Why do fools fall in love?

Because no one wants to see two smart people fall in love. If you do, that’s awesome. But a movie trailer or synopsis that says something like this is so not cool to me: “John and Jane were two honor students, stuck on the wrong side of the Ivy League. But through it all, they were able to overcome the adversity of making the Dean’s List and keep their love alive.”

What’s the most awesome reaction you’ve seen from someone declaring his/her love?

I had to pleasure of actually seeing a girl tell a guy about how big a crush she had on him. It was, of course, at a soiree. One girl had the courage to cross the imaginary line in the middle of all soirees that separate the women from the little girls (a.k.a. men). She called out her guy and then pulled him to the side of the room. But before she could say anything and anyone could react, the guy did something I wish I could do. He ran away. I’m not talking about running from the situation. I mean seriously running away — as in out of the house and into the far end of the village. It was beautiful, I thought. Expression in its purest form.

Did you write love testis for people on Friendster?

I did. I wrote a bunch of testis (testimonials). I loved it in fact. Just for the sheer joy of building a reputation for writing good testis. Because if you build a solid reputation in this department, random people start asking you to give them a testi, too. And to me, there was nothing more special and no greater joy than a girl messaging me saying, “Give me a testi naman!” So give her a testi I did. And hoping I’m not the only one amused with that statement, I am.

So there you go. My two cents worth on love. Or less for that matter. Nonetheless, I hope my message came across and whether I dumbed you down or made you smarter on love, I’m just happy I did something to you at all.