Happy Hallowmemes
Well, kids, it’s that time of year again. Parties are planned, pumpkins are carved and candy — or rohypnol — is handed out to unsuspecting fake nurses. Yeah, Halloween is upon us and as Cady Heron says in Mean Girls, it’s “the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”
Over the years, however, as costumes become more conceptual, elaborate, and a whole lot nerdier, the eve of October 31 has somewhat turned into Christmas for cosplayers. If you bother dusting those old photos, you’d notice that the superhero outfits we rocked as toddlers now seem so boring and unHalloween-ey compared to the ones we’ve seen lately. Aside from providing minutes of fun, memes, viral videos and temporarily relevant personalities are changing how we dress up for Halloween — one Internet-inspired idea at a time.
Bad Parents, Crazy Kids
If you think that trick-or-treating as the Octomom is so last season, fear not; another set of questionable adults has sprung up to take Nadya Suleiman’s place in the reality-based costume caste system.
Jon & Kate + 8’s Kate Gosselin is particularly popular this year and so her Rosie O’Donnell-esque coif — part genius, part WTF — is rife for the pillaging. Yahoo! TV even gave the following tips: “Try to find a hair-streaking stick at the drug store to paint on Kate’s highlights, and then use a pick and some hairspray (and probably some scissors, depending on the wig) to get Kate’s reverse mullet look — spiky in the back, straight in the front.” Coming as Jon, her ex and Father of the Year nominee, to your Halloween mixer is way simpler: Light up some smokes and wear a Ed Hardy T-shirt and a pair of ratty flip-flops. Presto! You are now a d-bag with eight children.
Speaking of nonexistent parenting skills, the Heenes of Colorado hogged the news two weeks ago when they claimed that their six-year-old son, Falcon flew away unattended in a mylar balloon. The incident was apparently staged, which makes the Balloon Boy Hoax kit such a winner. Made by US company Plantraco, the gondola is “a semi-scale precision laser cut unit that attaches to the bottom of a 38” metallized nylon flying saucer balloon. It has the same chance of lifting your six-year-old as the one you may have seen on CNN or MSNBC TV.”
Get Your Lols On
Aspiring major league media whores, take note: The manufacturer claims “you are practically guaranteed to get double and triple Halloween treats with this authentic and collectible Balloon Boy Flying Saucer Hoax trick costume!” By all means, get your LOLs on with this $19.99 piece of ephemera, but please don’t get carried away. Guffaw.
Last but certainly not the least in this category is Billy Ray Cyrus and family. If you want to get a few more laughs — or tears — make like Miley’s dadager (dad/manager, get it?) and allow your teen daughter to dress like a pole dancer and your youngest to look like a toothless dominatrix. Yup, Noah Lindsay Cyrus’ ma and pa didn’t stop her from hitting up the 16th Annual Dream Halloween event in hooker heel boots. It’s really something you can’t unsee.
Politics Out, Pop Culture In
Remember last year? When, like, dressing up as Sarah Palin — or Tina Fey as Sarah Palin — gave you so much cred? Those days are over.
“If politics was all the rage for costumes last Halloween, this year it’s out and pop culture is in,” reports the San Jose Mercury News. “Palin’s beehive has been replaced by Twilight vamps, Lady GaGa wigs, and, of course, sequin-heavy tributes to the late, great King of Pop.”
Looking relatively minimal in her video for her first single, Just Dance, compared to her recent incarnations, Lady GaGa is Halloween. But if looking like a human tampon or walking around in a gyrotron is not your thing, you can always channel Shakira in She-Wolf (the scene where she dances in a giant vagina is particularly eye-catching) or Beyoncé in Single Ladies (Justin Timberlake and Joe Jonas have both slipped into black leotards; so can you).
Truly lazy? Get your paws on an Adidas track suit, a whistle, and the first Ellen DeGeneres hairpiece you see lying around. The result? You’re now the manliest character on Glee, the incomparable Sue Sylvester.
Whatever costume you decide on, always keep in mind that you are a crazy diamond. Own it and shine on. Happy Halloweird, people.
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Yes, I am here: ginobambino.tumblr.com.
