Ode to Homer Simpson

Having been raised under the warming glow of TV, my first TV father was Hispanic Luis from Sesame Street until he had a daughter Gabby and I was left out to play with Oscar and Barkley. As I grew up, I found other onscreen dads to look up to and emulate, starting with grumpy Jack Arnold from the Wonder Years who taught me that dads are much cooler when they are not emotional sissies like the ray of fun-shine Danny Tanner from Full House or preachy like 7th Heaven’s Eric Camden. After that, celebrity dads can run the gamut of notoriety — folks you would never let take care of your children, the most famous being Darth Vader who cut off his son’s hands and left him for dead. From there, the list of Papa Don’t Preach-ers goes from the obnoxious Al Bundy, scheming Lionel Luthor, always-absent father of Charlie Brown, the dads of teen dramas for raising screwed-up kids, to Arthur Petrelli who has caused much mutant mayhem on Heroes. Yet the most dubious honor must go to 24’s Jack Bauer whose daughter Kim has been kidnapped several times on the show.

Yet, the dad who reigns supreme and I must crown ultimate TV dad for Father’s Day is Homer Simpson. Aside from doing his duty and raising his family in 441 episodes and even in a feature film, Homer’s catchphrase (“D-oh!”) has been honored in the Oxford English Dictionary since 2001 and is defined as  “expressing frustration at the realization that things have turned out badly or not as planned or that one has just said or done something foolish. Also implying that another person has said or done something foolish.” Also, Homer’s wisdom or lack of it has been included The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations last August 2007. The chosen quotes were “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try” and “Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all.” Not so bad for a guy with an IQ as low as 55, don’t you think?

Homer may have his moments of stupidity that the scriptwriters say can go as low as barely remembering his own name. His temper may flare up as he strangles Bart with mad rage or impulsively takes on his 189th job. Yet, our favorite four-fingered yellow patriarch never does these acts on purpose and has proven time and again that he will protect his family at all costs from Mr. Burns’ hounds or the government sealing his Springfield hometown in a dome. Also, he teaches us that fatherhood ain’t about being perfect all the time. It is the endearing flaws that make our pops so special among the rest. Sometimes those are the things we can’t do without and will miss when they are gone. Amazing that a yellow oaf like Homer can teach us that fact.

Just D’oh It!: Homer-isms

On TV

• Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!

• When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

On beer

• Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

• Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.

• All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

On work

• If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.

On love

• Marge, you’re as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

• It’s more important to be with my family than being cool.

Words of wisdom

• If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?

• Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

• Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand!

• Son, this is the only time I’m ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose.

• Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.

• Ahhh... sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

• No matter how good you are at something, there’s always about a million people better than you.

• All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

• Rock stars... is there anything they don’t know?

• Lisa, two wrongs do make a right!

Fun facts

• The sun? That’s the hottest place on Earth.

• Operator! Give me the number for 911!

The truth

• You can’t depend on me all your life. You have to learn that there’s a little Homer Simpson in all of us.

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E-mail me at readnow@supreme.ph.