Beer ye, hear ye

Few things invoke instant Zen and a meditative nod in reverence like the words “ice-cold beer.” Those words sound like sweet liberation from this summer’s oppressive heat, like world peace to the solar war zone that greets you when you step outside. That rare species known as the non-beer drinker won’t agree, but to these self-deniers of pleasure, I preach beer’s one beatitude: Blessed are those who thirst with patience for they shall be satisfied — and become righteously buzzed.

Of course, that attained state of nirvana known as the beer buzz is all about progression. Savor your sips and two or so bottles down, it almost feels like that beer’s enjoying your company.

A guy like Jim Araneta has become an evangelist of this sort of enlightenment. From those first few six packs his grandfather shared over television sessions, Jim would soon set out on an expedition under the influence. “Every time I’d travel, I’d try beers from all over — South America, Europe, the US, and my pasalubong to myself was that my suitcase would be full of beer,” he recounts of what urged him to get the tap of imported beer flowing in Manila through his Global Beer Exchange, which distributes American craft beer to 60 establishments including Ortigas’ prime brewski resort Pivo, the liquor store-redefining Distillery at the Fort, and even Joey Pepperoni.

As the country’s premier beertender, Jim’s mission has been to break the ice surrounding the spirited beverage and take the liver-tickling populace on an alco-adventure that lies beyond San Mig and other macrobrewery mainstays like Coors or Heineken. There are different, more refined styles of beer that quash the image of frat douchebags skull-crushing cans of Bud — and from each one, a distinctive personality you might just relish. “I like it when someone tells me they don’t like beer,” says Araneta. “That’s why I carry 40 different styles of beer. Among all of those, there’s got to be a style that a non-beer drinker will like. I want to show people the diversity and complexity of beer.”

Global Gut

“Let’s start our journey,” Jim declared, laying a platter of salty pretzels before me as a taste neutralizer for the eight different styles of beer that would serve as my intoxicating education. But then, it wasn’t just about taste, he added. You had to observe color, catch a whiff of aroma, and then take a swig. “You enjoy it like wine, ‘no?”

Then again, picking where your beer hails from (the four great brewing nations are Germany, Belgium, the UK, and the USA) isn’t as ball shrinking as ordering wine from a snooty sommelier. Jim’s alcoholic advocacy is American craft breweries since they’re melting pots you can grab a German, Belgian, or British-style beer from. Now, all you have to do is arm yourself with some punch-drunk info on craft breweries. “We’re saying these are smaller artisan breweries. Any brewery that brews more than two million barrels — Corona, Budweiser — is a macrobrewery. Craft makes many different styles and they’re more creative with their beer.”

Which leaves me with a little more imagination in accomplishing my itinerary of inebriation. Amid an array of light to dark beers denoted by International Bitterness Units (IBU) that go up to about Jim’s max of 110 (which might be as palatable as motor oil), I would find my beer match. Besides, with beer as with drinking, it’s always been about progression — enjoying the journey to get to your drunken destination.

The Bar Top-Notchers

1. Gordon Biersch Hefeweizen: The Weizens require a tilt of a tall glass and a slower pour for how much carbonation they pack in. This P150 Hefeweizen (German-style) from a brewery based in San Jose, CA, makes for quite the fun foam party for everyone, what with a taste that can bring to mind banana cream pie; in line with its tangerine tones and sweet bakery scent. “Sometimes, I smell Bubble Yum,” Jim says. Weizens are like the Labrador Retrievers of beer — delightful even to people who claim they “hate beer.” (5.4 percent alky, 12 IBU)

Beer match: Cheese fondue, the beach, betting your lady friends they’ll love this.

2. Flying Dog Old Scratch Amber Lager: While according to Jim, lagers are the white wine equivalent of beer (“crisp, carbonated, not as complex”), amber lagers bear the ballsiness of a lot more malt. From a Denver-based brewery whose tagline is “Good Beer, No Shit,” this has the appeal of a redhead: candy-melt sweetness with a wild streak thrown in. (5.6 percent alky, 19.5 IBU, P 175)

Beer match: Enchiladas, karaoke, Lindsay Lohan at happy hour.

3. Toohey’s New Australian Lager: A mainstream brand from Down Under, Toohey’s is neither American nor craft beer. But ‘cause of the good ol’ Aussie amiability you can gather from smooth suds, you can’t blame Jim for slipping this one in. Especially since this is much more recession-ready (P125) in an arena of Stellas and Heinekens — and much more friendly with its easy-twist cap. “It’s not gonna piss off anybody.” (4.6 percent alky) 

Beer match: Standard bar chow, watching “the game”, the cast of Entourage. 

4. Flying Dog Doggie-Style Classic Pale Ale: “This is like your intro to hoppiness,” says Jim, tagging ale as “the red wine of beer” — more complex, fruitier, and embittered by hops, a chemical-free preservative. “Americans call themselves hopheads: the more bitter, the better.” Indeed, hops seem to carry a tang of hope, yielding an aftertaste of zesty tartness that hollers, “Yes, we can.” (5.5 percent alky, 35 IBU, P175) 

Beer match: Santa Fe chicken, Hot Fuss Sundae, Barney Stinson.

5. Rogue Dead Guy Ale: The manifesto of this Oregon-hailing brewery is “Beer is worthy of passion.” With its deep sequoia hue and the redolence of a national park’s trail, you can almost feel the earth’s heart beating on this one. A lumberjack’s last-minute decision to squeeze a grapefruit, bare hands and all, into a landslide of hops rounds out the taste. It deserves a vigorous pour, really. (6.2 percent alky, 40 IBU, P200) 

Beer match: Ribs, a game of pool at a dive bar, Pepe Smith playing Guitar Hero. 

6. Ballast Point Big Eye India Pale Ale: Jim tells the tale of how this beer was born: Brits were lording it over India, they wanted their beer but shipping it all the way spoiled the brew. Which resulted in high-hop, high-alcohol ale that could last the sea voyage — the India Pale Ale (IPA). IPAs are for serious beer drinkers, but a sniff of lychee, a molten metal tone, and a whiplash of citrus makes this one a lot more accommodating. (7 percent alky, 55 IBU, P 200)  

Beer match: Spicy Indian crab curry, afternoon lazing on a curb, Clive Owen.

7. Rogue XS Imperial Stout: Stout says it all — strong, full-bodied, the godfather of the brood. It’s dignified enough to age — size of a ceramic wine bottle, cork, and all — even if its gunpowder-sprinkled black coffee taste (charged to its barley brew) will make you want to stow it in the dark recesses of your alcohol shelf. It may bring to mind that first sip of Super Dry you spat out when you were 12, but we all know where that got you. Besides, if it’s good enough for a Russian tsar, it should be good enough for you. (11 percent alky, 88 IBU, P1,500) 

Beer match: Cigars and chocolate, drowning Wall Street woes, meeting with the Irish mafia.   

* * *

Make those belch-laid plans and grab your craft beers from the Global Beer Exchange: 895-6173 or visit www.theglobalbeerexchange.com.ph.