Go to bed with Joey Mead, Jake Cuenca, Mylene Dizon, Borgy Manotoc and Rhett Eala!

MANILA, Philippines - Times like these, we need it to be more than just “juicy.”Chew on this: Celebrities helping you fulfill your every whim and wetsy, in themed rooms to turn “personal fantasies into reality,” as Joey Mead puts it as she proudly showed off the Joey Mead suite at the Cuneta branch of Victoria Court, one of seven celebrity-themed and designed rooms made especially for the queen’s court.

Ian King, lucky man you are.

Joey’s fantasy fashion show room has a lit ramp where you can strut your stuff — clothing optional.

At the end of the runway is a giant SLR camera mounted on the wall, and instead of a lens, it’s a mirror — the better to see you with, my dear.

In this room, you are joined by Madonna, Anna Wintour, Naomi, Posh and Becks, and even Brangelina, so you are in good company — for those who like to pose.

Jake Cuenca was inspired by himself, in his own action series Palos. Jake’s futurist fetish took him to a place where Palos meets The Matrix, and I guess they discuss philosophy together while in this room.

The ‘“bad boy” bed is lit up like a structural cave — very strong and aggressive, much like Jake.

This room may unleash the action hero in you.

Rhett Eala’s room allows you to have your cake, eat it and lick it off from wherever you wish.

This cotton candy pink suite with gold gilded edges will bring out the royal brat in you — do as you wish, for you are the queen (or the king) here.

There will be no beheading here — unless of course, that is your trip.

Mylene Dizon made a secret rendezvous spot where you can release all your dominatrix desires.

There’s a pole by the bed and dog chains and a paddle wall — for spanking reasons, only if you’ve been bad.

Robby Carmona provides you with a private strip hall while Raymund Isaac brings out the raw and the rambunctious in you.

Borgy Manotoc says, “ssshhh” while he leads you into his quantum of solace, his spy lair where you can do secret agent stuff.

Needless to say, this is only for discerning adults, so have your escape and enjoy it, too.

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Victoria Court Cuneta branch’s celebrity suites start at P1,995, with a high of P4,800 for an overnight stay. For reservations, call 831-4616 to 17.