Serenity at 70?

My life has been messy these past weeks. What’s the first disaster that happened? I got a very bad cough that is now no longer so bad but it’s still here.

You remember Christian Drapeau? He is the leading scientist who created StemEnhance, the one who looks like George Clooney. He partnered with Ray Carter, who doesn’t look like anyone good-looking, and they distributed StemEnhance throughout the world through a company called StemTech Philippines (here in our country). One morning just before Holy Week I got a text saying the company had closed down and there were hardly any more stocks to be had.

I was upset because I have become reliant on Stem Enhance for my own health and for the people who order it from me. They didn’t even give any notice. One day they just said Christian Drapeau and Ray Carter had some kind of divorce. I know that’s not the end of that story. Another product, also manufactured by Christian Drapeau, equally good, will take its place.  But I don’t know when, don’t know how, don’t know anything except that something good will happen in the end. But when will the end come?

Someone put in an order for six bottles. I scrounged around and found some. She had been giving it to her son who had a recent brain operation.  The son said it helped him a lot. What will happen if they run out? I’m sorry, I don’t know, I had to say. These are the uncertainties of life.

I have a European coffee maker, a gift from my grandson, one of my treasured possessions. I brew my own espresso in it every morning. It is two heavy plastic tubes that fit into each other then a cap that you sort of insert in slots. You put a tablespoonful of coffee, pour boiling water until it’s almost to the brim, then you insert the cap into the slots. Then you put your cup on top of the cap and turn the whole thing over. Press down with both hands and push the coffee out into the cup until you hear a strange sound. That tells you the coffee is done.

I poured the boiling water in and tried to insert the cap into the slots. It only went in partially. I was feeling low and demoralized that day so I turned it around anyway and pressed down. The whole thing fell apart and boiling coffee sprayed on the side of my neck and on my right inner wrist, on the kitchen wall, the sink, and the dishtowel. It was Holy Thursday. I had no driver. I didn’t know what to do.

I ran cold water over my burned skin, cut off leaves from my gumamela plant and pounded them in a mortar and pestle. I put them on both burns and spent the day mostly sleeping. That made me feel a little better.

Since then, nothing much has gone right. Not even in my dreams. I went to the funeral Mass of the father of a dear friend of mine. The priest was running through man’s ages and giving them symbols. Like I think he said the 30s are turbulent years. What I remembered most was him saying the 70s are the “serenity years.” Serenity? Is this what life for me feels like now? One livelihood just went out of business. I have a bad cough and worse, painful burns. What else can go wrong?

On Saturday, I will start selling at the San Juan Sabado Mercado. It is a Saturday market similar to the one in Salcedo Village in Makati but this time it’s in San Juan, in front of the new municipal building, diagonally across Pinaglabanan Church. My store? Tindahan ng mga Apo ni Rizal. Can you imagine? Rizal great-grandchildren selling on Bonifacio territory in San Juan. Should be fun! For starters I will sell food products made by Rose and natural soaps and cleansers made by Mitit, both descendants of Olimpia; Rizal’s third book Haec est Sibylla Cumana and calamansi juice from descendants of Paciano; and my jewelry. I’m a descendant of Maria.

Do drop by and visit me in my role as palengkera any one of these Saturdays. How far do I have to go to make a living, I wonder.

Then these days every Saturday afternoon I teach Advanced Writing classes called “Digging Deeper” at The Sunshine Place. Maybe I should start another beginner’s writing class but I just don’t have the energy to think about it during these days of just trying to live through my life.

But, I tell myself, I’ve been here before. I’ve been through times when life was messier than this, when things were falling apart faster and everything that could go wrong went wrong — but look, I’ve survived. So, maybe I will finally find serenity at 70. I hope so.

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