How easy is it to forgive and stop hating?

A gentle breeze was a nice prelude to a deep, restful sleep. It led me to dream of walking through an alley that was clean, bare and no wall graffiti, except for one that read: The hating must stop.

How many of us have been guilty of harboring resentment that has remained far too long, affecting our attitude and our well-being? It was a substitute for exacting revenge, for the abuse and the series of lies and deceit that gnawed at the heart for many years.

1. She was a young bride, barely two weeks into her marriage when she was jolted by a piece of disconcerting news. “Elsa is moving in with us,” said her husband. “Just for a few months until she finds her own place.” Elsa was her sister-in-law (the original SIL from hell).

The bride held back her piece. Although she had some doubts, coupled with a growing dislike for this brazen in-law, she didn’t protest. (Why wasn’t she consulted? The family of her husband just decided among themselves to come up with this decision?)

“This must be my first test,” she thought. “I’ve got to welcome her despite, I admit, this hell of an adjustment.” (She hasn’t even gotten accustomed to her new husband and now must put up with another member of his family?)

Days dragged into weeks, into months, into years. The promised short, temporary stay stretched to three agonizing years. The bride, fed up with the uncaring, haughty, and unforgiving attitude of her SIL, reached the end of her rope and gave an ultimatum. Through gritted teeth, she confronted her husband and said, “You choose. Your sister or me.”

When the SIL finally packed up and moved out, the bride heaved a big sigh of relief. Unfortunately, the hard feelings didn’t leave her. Every time she recalled how wicked, nasty, and malicious her SIL was, planting, conspiring, and scheming to break up her marriage, she was tempted to strike back and take revenge. But she wasn’t the warring kind, not one to pick a fight. She found herself loathing her with extreme ferocity that remained in her soul. She hated her with a passion.

2. Her husband could not book a room and the conference overseas was due to open in three days. “Why don’t you stay with our kumare in her flat? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind putting you up for a few days.” The husband replied, “It’s too awkward. She’s a widow and she lives alone. I don’t want any lies and gossips to spread.” In the end, he was persuaded to stay with their kumare. In that brief moment, he got to see the other side of her — quiet, pensive, yet interesting — and he liked what he saw. Thus began an illicit love affair that broke up his marriage as well as the heart of his wife. (How could her kumare betray her? Couldn’t she have placed a higher value on their friendship rather than succumb to the dictates of her heart. “Humbug!” said another friend. “It’s purely lust and sex.”) She hated him (and her) with a passion.

3. “Do not marry him,” advised her close friends. “He may give you a life of comfort and privilege, but he will give you a heart attack, if not bleed you dry, with his string of mistresses and never-ending dalliances.” But she believed that true love could change him.

Six months after the wedding, the rumor mill began. He was seen in Tagaytay with another woman supposedly attending a sales conference. He’d come home late, sometimes not at all. He constantly evaded her questions and continued to lie. He was a believer in the Lothario’s creed that “when caught, deny, deny, and deny.” He got so furiously busy that he mixed up names, dates, and rendezvous. The wife became a nervous wreck. At the office where she was working, she met a widower who offered her a kinder and calmer alternative. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll love your daughter as my own. Leave him, you don’t need him,” he said. One night, she stole out of the house with their young daughter in tow, and left him for good. She hated him with a passion.

Years have passed. Lives have moved on.

Elsa continued to make a mess out of her life, thankfully, far from her SIL.

The illicit affair ended because this man suddenly got tired of his kumare and continued to eye other women. How could a one-woman man turn into a multi-women man? That’s his Waterloo. He lost his profession, his reputation, and his money. The last we heard, he was still wooing women half his junior.

The faithful wife found comfort in her second husband, the widower. They went on to build a new home, a safe and a secure tomorrow. The daughter never missed her real father.

It was all in the past. To keep faith in a heart that can forgive, remembering the pleading of One who was also unjustly betrayed and persecuted, gave these women the grace to let go.

The hating had stopped.