An unsolved mystery

MANILA, Philippines - Alaska died. This made Looking for Alaska by John Green special and this is also the reason why I love the book.

I didn’t see death as something painful before until I realized that it is, for those who gets left behind. More, if a death is a sudden death. After reading the book, it sunk to me that I wasn’t just a mere reader, but I was present in its pages as well. I was the father who mourned for a smile I will never see again. I was one of those who asked, “Why?” and belonged to the crowd of strangers who kept saying “She is too young to die”. And I remember, yes, I was actually there, in that gloomy situation months ago when a friend close to my heart took his own life.

Like my friend, nobody would ever know if Alaska did intentionally kill herself as she drove drunk one night. Nobody could ever confirm if one of the myriad of speculations on why the accident occurred is true. Nobody would know if Alaska wished to turn back the last minute or if she regretted anything while she closed her eyes for the last time. Indeed, from death springs unanswerable questions and what ifs.

What could I have done?

What should I have done?

What could have happened?

As a teen, I immediately identified myself with Alaska’s character —unpredictable and fun-loving. Her school environment is similar to ours. Her ways are no different. She has problems like any of us; problems that her friends do not know and problems that she decided to keep to herself. At some point, I find myself thinking of the people around me and the issues they have to deal with every day.

The book changed a part of me. It taught me to be a good listener. To this day, I regret not listening to my friend because I know that it could have mattered. It could have convinced him to stay strong or could have made him doubt his decision. I read an article stating that the majority of suicide attempts are expressions of extreme distress that need to be addressed, and that a suicidal person should not be left alone. And I am trying to make up for not being there when my friend most needed my presence, this time, to the people I love and care.

A death is nobody’s fault. I believe that we can never stop people dying; we can just prevent people from killing another or killing themselves.

I am a survivor. This I realized while contemplating on the motive of this book, because as I continue to live, I continue to survive the random challenges of life. If I have lived to write this and you have lived to read this, you are a survivor too and we should be proud.

Life is too short, but we can always make it appear longer. Francois Rabelais’ last words tell us to continue to seek a great perhaps. We should.

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

Pearl Marie G. Cabiluna is a third-year AB Mass Communication student. She maintains a travel blog and a personal wordpress blog. “I work as a writer and editor in a student publication in Cebu. I love reading books on death and after-life.”