How should we treat our ‘balikbayan’ relatives?

Dear Nanay,

We have guests coming from the US, and as you know us Filipinos, one of our flaws is to be good hosts perhaps to a fault.  So my husband and I are planning all kinds of things to do for our balikbayan relatives.  We are planning all their lunches and dinners and even a trip to Cebu and Bohol so that they can go to the beach and see the tarsiers and Chocolate Hills.

Our only problem is that all of these plans will cost a lot of money.  We, of course, want to be good hosts and treat them and make their vacation as fun and pleasurable as possible, but at the same time we cannot afford to spend that much for all the trips and hotels and food.  

What should I do?  I feel like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.  Am I being forced by fate to just choose between the lesser of two evils? — Anna                        

Dear Anna,

You are not necessarily stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I think it’s great to extend our famous hospitality to your guests from the US. However, it should also have limits.  As you said yourself, they are the ones taking the vacation.  So really, why do you have to pay for everything?  I do not think anyone asked you to shoulder all the expenses.

Perhaps you should ask your guests first: “Would you like my husband and I to help plan your trip?”  If the answer is no, then  that’s the end of your participation.  Obviously, they want to make their own plans.  If they say yes, you can ask them what’s their budget for the entire trip. They’re answer will give you an idea of where they should go and what places they can stay in or eat at.  After you have made a preliminary itinerary, send it to them and make sure the estimated costs of each leg of the trip (airfare, hotels, meals, entrance fees to attractions, transportation, etc.) is included.  Let them decide. If they say that the itinerary is acceptable, you can help them make the bookings. If you follow these steps, it is pretty clear that you’re just helping them plan their trip. If you want to be more “hospitable,” that’s up to you; you can have a fruit basket delivered to their room, or you can pay for the seat upgrade. You can make the expenses as big or as small as you want.

One last note, if and when you will make arrangements for them, you might need a credit card to guarantee reservations and purchase airline tickets, etc.  Do not use your own.  Use theirs.  In the end, baka mahirapan ka pa maningil at iyan pa ang pagawayan ninyo! (you might have a hard time reimbursing your expenses and that might be the start of a fight).

Sincerely,

Nanay

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