Keeping up with rich friends

Dear Nanay,

My wife and I belong to a middle-class family and most of the time we try to live within our means.  However, she has a few friends from college who are pretty well off; they like to go out a lot and to expensive places almost every week. We do not want to spoil the fun but it really puts a strain on our finances. What should we do? —D&D

DEAR D&D,

I think the presence of peer pressure is felt not only by the youth, but adults like us who sometimes feel the need to keep up with our friends and family members.  However, you have to realize that not all of us are created financially equal.  There are those who can afford more and those who have to be more careful about how they spend their money.

My advice to you is pretty simple.  Honesty is the best policy.  Just one simple text from your wife to her friends that says “Hi! I’m sorry but we can’t afford to keep going to these expensive places every week.  Can we pass this week and see you guys next week?”  I am 100-percent sure they will understand.  And either they will not take it against you, or even better, they might go to a more affordable place — like a friend’s house — so you can still come along.

There is nothing wrong with that.  Kumain na lang kayo sa bahay (Eat at home.)  Every week, you can go to someone else’s house and rotate.  After all, it is the company and friendship that count regardless of where you are.

This should not be such a difficult problem to overcome.  You just have to get over the initial anxiety of actually saying something.  But you have to.  Otherwise you will be spending more money and will always be resentful of your friends who may not even know what is going on.

Sincerely,

NANAY

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How to start as a consultant

Dear Nanay,

I saw your column suggesting that Also Stressed try to find a job as a consultant because he was part of an older generation, a generation that I am also proudly a member of.

From a personal experience, it is very difficult to get a consulting job (as an independent consultant).  Generally people will not trust you or believe that you can do something better than they can.

The best way or maybe the only way you can land a consulting job for when you retire is with a referral. You need someone to vouch for you and tell your potential employer/client that you are really good. 

The problem is how do you do that?  The answer is not to be found at the last minute.  You have to network and build your connections your entire professional career.  You have to work hard and be professional so that people will remember you, like you and be impressed by you.  And so when you come knocking on their door, they will remember how competent, professional and enjoyable you are to work with and they might hire you to help them.  That is the way to do it.  There’s no shortcut.  You have to work on it every day while you are still working.  Otherwise, the legacy you will leave will be tarnished and in the end nobody will want to work with you.

So don’t delay, start today! — MEL

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