Sunday Lifestyle

Choose your own adventure

- Don Jaucian - The Philippine Star

September 23, 2012 | 12:00am

MANILA, Philippines - Raising a family isn’t a lot like what we see in movies. Most of the time, these depictions are condensed versions of the amount of work, the struggle, and the obstacles that go into building a family. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t carry semblances of truth. However short (or long, like Lav Diaz’s ten-hour opus The Evolution of a Filipino Family), family films have brought different perspectives of how our lives play out. We have seen different celluloid versions of ourselves through the years, from the inherent Pinoyness in Tanging Yaman, to the all the picture perfect Disney families. But modern family quirks, though mostly confined to television via

Family Guy, The Simpsons, Modern Family, and even Lizzie McGuire and Hannah Montana, have never been so alive like in the films of Wes Anderson.

Wes Anderson’s families aren’t perfect to say the least but they possess a burning verve that make them fizzle with life and dynamism. They are driven by a sense of adventure that forms a tighter knit between each of them, no matter how disparate all of them seemed at the beginning. Anderson’s breakout family film, The Royal Tenenbaums, became the definition of his signature familial discourse.

Here is a family crumbling under the weight of their past and their reputation as a family of three geniuses: Margot, a playwright; Chas, the financial wonderboy; and Richie, the tennis superstar. Their mom, Etheline even chronicled their lives in a book, Family of Geniuses. “Family isn’t a word, it’s a sentence,” the film’s tagline goes and throughout the film, we understood the nuances that made The Tenenbaums transcend their flaws.

Anderson’s films possessed a more heightened spirit for adventure: the underwater mending of childhood dreams and dysfunction in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, the spiritual rekindling of brotherhood in The Darjeeling Limited, the wonderful scheming to build a family in The Fantastic Mr. Fox, and the youthful love that brings families together in Moonrise Kingdom. His characters run with baggages, both figuratively and literally, while pursuing their dreams and desire to connect.

Anderson treats all this with degrees of playfulness and humor that flesh out the bright lives that his characters inhabit.

“We are poor but we’re happy,” says Mrs. Fox in Fantastic Mr. Fox, voicing out her contentedness in their little foxhole life. But in the end, it’s the thirst for adventure that gets the better of us. Adventure, of course doesn’t necessarily mean risk or something outrageous, something that Mr. Fox eventually realizes as his family is backed into a corner by his arch enemies. It’s Mrs. Fox’s insight into making do with what we have that we should always keep in mind as we try to discover ways in making family time a little more surprising and unpredictable because it’s really the time and effort that we spend with our loved ones that we take to heart.

So what really makes for a great family adventure time? It may just be simply watching movies, listening to Beyonce, or being more spontaneous when it comes to Sunday plans or even ordering a McDonald’s Happy Bundlefor added fun. So here are three families, all dressed up like characters in Wes Anderson’s films, who can give us insight on how to make family activities a little more fun and exciting, not just for the kids but even for our aunts, uncles, lolos and lolas.

The Natolas

Emmanuel Natola, Bianca Natola, Sofia Alessa Natola, Jason delos Santos (Bianca’s dad) What are some of the activities that you like to do as a family?

BIANCA: We do tons of things together.

What we love to do the most is to watch a movie together. Usually, just at home and on our laptops. If it’s special (like Beauty & The Beast 3D!), we go to the cinemas. My dad, brothers and Emmanuel go to the cinemas to watch Jason Statham movies or something. I’m not always invited to those nights. Are you the kind of family that plans activities ahead or are you guys more spontaneous?

JASON: Planning activities depends on the scale of what we’re doing. Out of town trips are definitely things we plan.

Obviously, taking a walk or short trips to the mall aren’t. Though, it’s best to plan.

You’ve got to match your plan with what’s in your pocket too! It’s not going to be

“Let’s go to Boracay!” when we wake up one morning. We don’t roll like that.

How do you make sure Sofi balances learning and play

BIANCA: For children Sofi’s age (3.5 years old) it’s not so much about balancing learning and play. It’s more of making learning fun. That’s why I’m very happy with the preschool she’s in now: secular and progressive. We encourage her with books, blocks among other things. Also, we’re not big on tablets or computers for her. At this age, children are experiencing a lack of imagination.

EMMANUEL: Little kids learn by playing. Her school’s really good in that it approaches learning from a hands-on playing standpoint, which I agree with I think it’s important to make a distinction, though, between productive things like using toys

to create a make believe scenario and just zoning out in front of TV so we limit unproductive play and encourage the good kind.

What are the elements you think necessary to maintain a

tight family bond?

EMMANUEL: You have to engage each other in mutual activities. If we’re all at home and I’m doing one thing, Stick’s doing another and Sofi is off somewhere, that’s not family time. There should be activities where everyone is involved, it helps build cohesiveness and family bonds.

How does a generational voice help in raising a family?

BIANCA: Spending time together strengthens the bond. So even just having meals at the same time makes it an opportunity for everyone to get closer. Also, we shouldn’t ignore the voices of our older family members. There might be differences in beliefs but it in the end — they’ve raised families longer than we have.

They have their fair share of advice.

EMMANUEL: Older voices are important because they don’t lose sight of the wood for the trees, which is something young people, myself included, are often guilty of. So, for any event that occurs, the older perspective will come in and put it in the appropriate context.

The Alveros

Owel Alvero, Nice buena ventura, Grac Alvero, Roan Buena ventura (Nice’s sister)

What are some of the activities that you like to do as a family?

OWEL: We like listening to music! Grac has eclectic taste in music, from Beyonce to the Beach Boys. He’s been trained to call George Harrison “Lolo

George” and he likes making up lyrics to songs.

NICE: Lots of stuff that require big energy! Like playing soccer, but with an orange-sized soccer ball and our own rules, which means no rules! Well, except when my little leaguer demands that I “Stand up!” or “Don’t kick the basketball!”

ROAN: We like going to the mall and eating at restaurants where Grac can eat all the pasta he wants. And we like watching all sorts of movies, from Some Kind of Wonderful to Cars to

Totoro. Grac also likes it when we play pretend, which often includes running, roughhousing and “webbing” (pretending to be Spiderman and blasting the bad guys with his web).

How does face-to-face interaction and bonding (as opposed to text messaging, emails, etc.) keep your family dynamics healthy?

OWEL: There are so many non-verbal things that get lost if you’re not interacting face-toface.

Dealing with a toddler is a nuanced job and responsible parents need all the clues they can get if they’re figuring out if their kid is grumpy or just constipated.

NICE: Grac is amazing with the iPad, you should see him. Sometimes we use it for video calls via Facetime. This is beginning to sound like an Apple ad, but my point is, it is difficult to find time for uninterrupted face-to-face interaction considering both me and Owel have work, and Roan has school, so having these technologies at our disposal help us maintain healthy family dynamics, as you put it. I don’t agree with people who say kids shouldn’t be exposed to these things at such an early age.

Moderation is key, or else you might be living backwards.

ROAN: Face-to-face interaction such asdining together, whether outside or at home, allows our family to update one another, especially since we only get to go home to our parents’ house on weekends.

How do you make sure Grac balances learning and play?

OWEL: We try to make playtime a learning experience, and learning a playful experience! It’s so easy these days, with well designed iPad apps for kids that are really fun and educational. Plus ,we try to curate a good mix of shows or videos and movies for him to watch. And we let him draw a lot.

NICE: At Grac’s age, play is learning.

He picks up so many things from playing make-believe

wi t h hi s t oy car s and action figures, and actively watching Nickelodeon. By actively I mean he mimics what he sees. So now he knows when you’re feeling sad and what to do to make you feel better. One time he asked me “Are you happy?” and I pretend-frowned. He gave me a hug, Kailan-style.

ROAN: That’s his mom’s job. Kidding! I guess we incorporate learning with play by teaching him words and numbers through kidfriendly videos on YouTube like Yo Gabba Gabba. Then we correct his mistakes along the way.

What are the elements you think necessary to maintain a tight family bond?

OWEL: The tight family bond is one born out of effort.

Sometimes you’re really tired and Grac wants to play basketball or soccer (kiddie versions of course). But the effort really pays off!

NICE: A good sense of your priorities, patience, a little bit of craziness to keep things interesting, and more patience.

How does a generational voice help in raising a family?

OWEL: It’s always great when someone else can pinch-hit for you when you have something you need to work on (laughs).

NICE: He gets an entirely different

t re a t m e n t f rom my sister, o r h i s grandparents. I think this gives him a perspective on how the world is wrong and right at the same time. It’s hard to be consistent with what he can and cannot do or have, because each of us has a different frame of mind, but I don’t necessarily see it as a problem. I even think this is how he learned how to negotiate pretty early.

The Kaws

Allain Kaw, Hazel Kaw, Mishka Jan ine Kaw, Minda Kaw (Allain’s mom)

What are some of the activities that you like to do as a family?

ALLAIN: We like to watch movies, nature tripping, short distance run, cooking together, listening to music. We also like mall tripping, tours, eating out in restaurants and going to game centers.

Are you the kind of family that plans activities ahead or are you guys more spontaneous?

HAZEL: We usually plan ahead to meet the schedules of other family members.

MINDA: But sometimes we’re spontaneous, especially at Sundays. We usually don’t plan where to go.

How do you make your kids (or grandchildren) balance learning and play?

ALLAIN: We teach our kids to make a schedule after school, encourage them to do meaningful activities such as sports, dance, other social activities, doing their own hobbies to motivate them in learning much more. We use positive reinforcement for better performance.

MINDA: You always have to talk with them about their interests and likes to nurture family bonding so that when they get older, they will still be open to talk about things with their parents.

What do you think is the type of personality your family has?

MINDA: I have to say our family is well contented. We deal with our conflicts together, we eat together, we hang out together and lastly, we share each other’s tears and laughter.

How does a generational voice help in raising a family?

ALLAIN: From an older relative, we could count on them in decision making, instilling values, how to respect and learn from them. Their support comes in handy during down times when we need a breather.

HAZEL: From a younger sister, we could get practical information on how to raise and understand our kids in today’s tech generation. As parents, we don’t want to be disconnected with our kids, so seeking advice from younger ones would help us guide in raising them.

MINDA: We can set standards, philosophies and examples.

But it’s still up to them how will they nurture from those things.