Having an affair with a married man
Dear Nanay,
I am having a love affair and we are almost one year and six months together. I just want him out of my life! But I love him so much.
I don’t think he loves me because every time we meet each other I give him money. But when I ask him if he loves me without giving him money, he replies to me “Yes,”he loves me!
Nanay, I am so confused by what he says to me. My mom doesn’t like him because he has a wife and three children... and he’s married! Nanay, what should I do? Please help me with my problem. — R
Dear R,
First of all, you really sound confused. And I don’t blame you because when you are in love, it can be very difficult to make logical decisions. So hopefully, I can offer you one piece of advice that will help you do the right thing.
He is married. He has three children. He has a family. Stay away. It doesn’t matter how much you love him or how much he says he loves you. Hindi puwede ang ginagawa ninyo, mali iyan (What you are doing is wrong). Break up now. I know it will hurt and I know that it will take a lot of courage and strength to say goodbye, but unfortunately that is the right thing to do. You have to do it.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Dear Nanay,
I read about the comment of Fotog in your column and would like to make a comment.
One of my best friends is dating his boss. My friend is the guy and the boss is the girl. And because he was so afraid of the possible problems he actually did not make the first move. He was too afraid to do anything. For many months he kept asking me if he should go for it but I must admit even I could not tell my friend to just do it because we did not want his career to suffer. Much to my friend’s surprise and also my shock, it was his boss (the girl!) who made the first move! One day after work she just went up to him and asked him if he wanted to grab coffee! She really asked him out on a date. Of course, I don’t need to say that my friend said yes immediately!
I actually once talked to her about how they started and she said because she felt their “connection” and she knew that he would never make the first move because he is the subordinate, so she decided to be the one to make the first move. She said that she was already waiting for months and he never made a move and felt that he was almost avoiding her and keeping all their conversations completely about work. So one day, she just decided that she would be the one to go for it because obviously my friend was too scared to do or say anything. She said they needed someone to break the ice and since my friend was not going to do it, she decided to be the one.
And I also asked her if she was afraid of sexual harassment but she said that her feelings were genuine and she had no bad intentions. So she said that she felt that if your intentions are good then there really should not be a problem. It is only when you use your power for something bad that you will have a problem.
Nanay, don’t you think it is great that in this day and age in the 21st century it can be socially acceptable for women to make the first move? They have now been dating for three years and we are all hoping to hear wedding bells soon. — Proud Friend
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