Vulnerability

Vulnerability is scary. It means being open. It’s the reason why people don’t like to feel; the reason they fear intimacy or commitment. There is this looming possibility of pain. Rejection can be very uncomfortable.

What happens due to the fear of vulnerability? One closes oneself. It’s preferable to be in one’s comfort zone.

It’s much easier to enclose oneself in a cocoon where one denies feelings either by just deciding to deny them, or by making oneself really busy so that there is no time or space to feel what’s there.

One lives a half-life then. The very fact of not allowing oneself to feel because it’s just too painful may mean that one remains distant from pain but then one is also distant from everything else as well. This inner decision not to feel then determines how one lives one’s life. Actually, it determines how one feels life. One goes through the motions — but everything is dry. There is no connection with others, there is no connection to situations. Everything is barren, lifeless. Many times the situation is a result of a traumatic experience which has resulted in some form of “deadening” just to “survive. If one can find someone to help, I have found it to healthy to feel the pain, move forward without any angst and just let things go. It is baggage that will continue to influence one’s life if it stays in the background unresolved.

To be vulnerable. To be open. Yes, it’s scary. But the courage to go this route also opens a whole new universe of possibilities. The key is how one holds oneself. It is important not to react, not to judge, just feel what is there. That’s enlightened vulnerability. It means being open to what the universe has to give you. While you may feel the pain that is there, it also means feeling the joy that may come your way. It means allowing the pain to bring you to healing, to understanding. It means understanding oneself. It is the key to evolution of consciousness. It all starts from feeling.

Since I started doing this, I have found that I feel others more. I feel a divine presence — I feel God; I feel the Divine giving to me. It’s wonderful! I am in my late 50s but I actually feel younger now then when I was just in my head all the time decades ago. Life is so much more fun, so much fuller. I feel physically healthier. I have more energy. I sit with a friend twice a week and she holds the space for me — and I look at the way my life is going, I look at my feelings, I look at where I want to go — I allow the Divine to help me.

I have attended three mining conferences in the past month. Invariably, the sessions have left me in tears. It usually starts with a situationer — where people from the area give a report. It never fails to move me. One morning, a frail woman from Rapu Rapu went onstage and gave a report. She said her health has suffered because of the mining. I could feel her pain. What really got me emotionally was when this young lady from Cordilleras went up to speak. There was so much pain — she kept everything in check, but I could feel it. In the end she sang a song: it was so plaintive. She had a beautiful, sweet voice. Tears rolled down profusely down my cheeks.

Another person may be in the same conference and just see people talking. Feeling opens a whole new world of perception. The colors of the world become sharper, more multi dimensional.

I felt the pain and offered it. I asked my meditation teacher once, “How do I handle this pain?” He said, “Feel the pain and offer it. It will make you strong.”

He told me: “Align with truth. All the time. That will make you strong.”

Those words guide me always: Offer, offer, offer.

A friend of mine was undergoing a crisis in her family. I held her in her pain. I told her just to offer it. You are not alone. Things are now looking up for her.

It is a hard, cold world for those that can’t feel.

Feelings connect you to the other. The essence of relationships is feelings. For those that can feel, the world is colored and full. Not dry and drab. It gets messy when feelings bring you to the chaos of negative reactions. That is a downward spiral that you need to determinedly avoid.

I had someone close once who died. It was really painful for me. I stayed home the whole week and allowed myself to feel the pain. I went off by myself the next month reflecting, letting the situation sink in. After a few months I recovered and got on with life again. I see people going on for years, though, not healing.

Remain soft. Never harden. Don’t contract. Stay open. Stillness is key. It’s hard to feel, to go deep when the mind is chaotic in a flurry of activity.

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ISIS stands for Inner Space Interactive Sourcing. There are accredited ISIS practitioners. I am actually one of them, however, I am currently busy with so many things. Michelle Goeldi is in town: her cell number is 0927-6658071. You can text her if you need some help in this regard.

I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com.