When parents favor sons over daughters

Dear Nanay,

Please enlighten me. We are four children — two girls and two boys. My parents are not Chinese but they favor the boys over the girls. So favored that they give them all the financial support. We girls don’t mind because we work and needless to say we don’t need to depend on them for support. But the few times we spend with them, we feel bad because all they can brag about are the achievements of those they favor. Of all, I am the one so attached to them that I even married later than the youngest. It is hurting at times that all they can think of are their sons. Please comment. Thank you and more power on your column, Nanay.

— R. Lim

Dear R. Lim,

It is sometimes very difficult for parents not to favor one child over another. Even if we say that we love all our children equally, we are only human. And I think it is only human nature to have favorites.

But just like in your situation, the real problem arises when the favoritism becomes obvious in the way we treat or relate to our children. Mind you, oftentimes, the parent probably does not even know that he or she is playing favorites, therefore the are not doing it intentionally. It may all be subconscious.

Perhaps this is the case with your parents. Maybe they do not realize what they are doing. At kung hindi nila alam ang ginagawa nila, paano naman nila ito aayusin (if they do not know they are doing it, how will they correct it?)? They have to first be aware of what they are doing before they can try to make corrections.

So perhaps you should try to talk to them sincerely and let them know your feelings. Do not be angry. Kailangan makiusap ka (you need to entreat them). I know that can be a very difficult thing to do and you will have to gather enough courage to do it. But it might be the only way for them to know exactly what you are going through.

They are your parents. They love you and I do not think any parent will intentionally want their children to suffer. So maybe you should consider giving it a try. As I said, maybe they just don’t realize what they are doing and the solution might be closer at hand than you think.

Sincerely,

Nanay

* * *

Dear Nanay,

Kudos to your reply to Stuck at Work last January 22, 2012! You are so correct!

To Stuck at Work, do not complain that you have a job which you are enjoying while working hard. You are planting the seeds that will bear fruit in the future. In a few years, when you are in a managerial position or a successful professional and your friends who did nothing but party are still stuck in the lower ranks or dead end jobs, who will have the last laugh? When they ask you, how did you do that? You can easily and proudly say … where were you when I was in the office doing overtime work?

Your future is in your hands and it is your responsibility to make your future. And you do not do that by just having fun. You do that through hard work. Like Nanay and many of our successful businessmen and entrepreneurs. They did not get to where they are because they went out with their friends. If you read about their lives, you will see how much sacrifice they made for their businesses, their jobs and their families.

Just ask Nanay Coring. Did she ever say “party and have fun”? “Go out with your friends”? No! Of course not. Her immortal words are always “sipag at tiyaga” (industriousness and diligence)! Because that is what it will take to lift our country and to lift ourselves to a better and more successful life!

Very happy to be stuck at work.

* * *

If you have a question, email us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.phor just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.