Kisses
Sometimes I think the new handshake is kissing… spontaneously or hesitatingly, aggressively or shyly. Etiquette books generally remain silent on any particular set of instructions on kisses.
Will a handshake be subsumed for a triple kiss? Right, left, right cheek? Women who have assimilated some culture from their Middle East voyages do. A triple kiss may be contrived but it is a ritualistic kiss and a gesture of acceptance. I feel it with my Muslim women friends, even if with three kisses it takes a lot of seconds from a mouthful of “How are you” and to mull over facial expressions like pleased, surprised or appealing.
Nowadays many I know simply kiss in salutation, and do less of the handshake. Traditions and rituals alter through time. The act of exchanging kisses wasn’t the common norm especially among the folks who entered our houses barefooted, but population and location, whether urban or provincial and exposure (international or national) caused a shrinking world that dictated the type of kisses and whom to kiss. A mother complained to me, “My daughter is in fourth year high school. I saw a boy come up to her, say hello and he kissed her.” Kisses aren’t just for the same sex anymore. They’re common between young men and women.
“Peace be with you, my peace I give you,” priests give each other the symbolical holy kiss. It’s always been a custom to seal reconciliation and pacification with a kiss. Knights gave each other the kiss of peace before proceeding to combat. An angry husband or irritated wife can set aside ill feelings at that instant in the Mass. I encourage my grandchildren who are complaining against each other with a “pacifier kiss.” Mommies kiss their children’s bruises to make them feel better.
Nothing new about kissing… it’s common among old civilizations in the Arab world and among Greeks and Romans for religion and ceremonial acts, making a kiss very sacred. The subservient kiss made people throw themselves down on the ground before their rulers to kiss their footprints, even literally licking the dust. The Roman slaves kissed the hands of their masters, soldiers, teachers and captains like us Filipinos do for our elderly in fealty and reverence. I put a priest’s hand on my forehead to greet him even if priests kiss cheeks nowadays.
My formal kiss of respect is given twice. I’ve observed sometimes a handshake precedes a double kiss and an embrace comes after a double kiss when I succumb to European warmth that’s effusive! Familiarity makes me deliver a single kiss because I see him or her every so often. It indicates “I’m close to you.” That one kiss means really “I care and it’s wonderful to see you” otherwise I wouldn’t kiss you at all.
There’s a global kissing primer I found finally that advises: Know your geography because “if a friend is European that kiss will be on your right cheek and her right cheek, too, then left to left. If she’s British they’re more formal than the rest of Europe so a double kiss will do, unless it’s a first-time introduction, which requires a handshake. Handshakes are always safer. If she’s American, a kiss — just one — or a hug or even a flying kiss suffices. In France, the double kiss — la bise — is a gender-neutral requirement in Paris for men and women. It is said that President Obama caused an uproar by dodging Carla Bruni-Sarkozy’s kiss in favor of a handshake in 2009. In Normandy one offers four kisses, in the South of France, three is the norm. Thank breeding when European men gently lift a woman’s hand almost to their lips in greeting. It’s romantic, too. In Greece, it’s considered offensive to kiss someone you don’t know well. In Italy, air-kissing is a faux pas. Even visitors are expected to plant two real kisses on the cheeks of friends and family to say hello. Male acquaintances shake hands, then lean over to firmly kiss each other on the cheeks. In Germany, cheek-kissing is not the practice. Men never offer a kiss in greeting and women cheek-kiss family and close friends. In Spain, the norm is Hola! Que tal and two exuberant kisses, even for those meeting for the first time. On a first meeting between two men, a handshake suffices. In Japan it’s no kissing. The Japanese shake hands or bow in greeting. The Chinese didn’t kiss until the practice was introduced by Westerners, and they’re still not very keen on it.”
If you see signs of several kisses and refuse to be the recipient, put your hand out when you see the bearer of kisses approaching. If you can’t avoid a kiss and you’re right-handed, lean on your right side and be sure to keep your nose and cheekbone at a 45-degree angle for purposes of safety and makeup preservation. If you’re adamantly anti-kissing, make like a tree and keep your torso a good two feet away from that acquaintance with forearm thrust out to make it clear that you want a handshake. These are split-second greeting decisions, we make everywhere! Others like to express too much emotion. Let them be. They’d rather be sincerely open.
My last word on kisses is — kissing is healthy, aside from heartwarming. A kiss lasting one minute burns 26 calories. A quick French kiss obliterates five calories, as compared to other romantic kisses that burn two to three calories. A one-hour session of kissing can burn more than 600 calories, much more than jogging.
Nine facial muscles are put to use in kissing. Stretching it further prevents wrinkles because 34 muscles are exercised during a passionate kiss, relieving headaches and reducing stress levels. It’s medicinal after all.
