How to deal with a spoiled brat

Dear Nanay,

I think that our son is getting so spoiled already. Many times I want to say no, but the he starts crying or goes into a tantrum. That’s when I feel bad or his father, lolo or lola gives in. He is only three years old and he is already so tiring. How will I survive so many more years of this?

  — Desperate Housewife

Dear Desperate Housewife,

Raising children is never easy but I think you said it yourself … the problem is he is spoiled. He is so used to getting his way that he doesn’t know how to behave when he does not get what he wants.

Right now, alam niya na bibigay kayo pag umiyak siya (he knows you will give in when he cries). Alam niya na maaawawa kayo (he knows you will take pity on him). That’s why he knows how to manipulate you, your husband and your parents. Do not think for one second that he is not manipulating you. Children are smarter than you think and they know how to get what they want.

I do not think there is a short or easy solution. You just have to do what I think you already know you have to do … do not give in, huwag kang bibigay! Even if he cries or throws a tantrum, you need to outlast him. He needs to know that no matter how much he cries, it will not do him any good. Then you probably have to talk to him and do a better job explaining why he cannot always get his way.

One good trick is anytime he wants something, make him give up something else. It will be less likely for him to complain when he already “bought in” or agreed to the previous deal. Then you can start limiting things a little at a time. Children this age are still very flexible. It is still easy to change their habits. If they want to sleep at 11 p.m. and you want them to sleep earlier, just adjust their sleeping habits by 10 minutes at a time. 

With determination and discipline on your part, you will have them doing what you want in no time!

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Parents will not always be right — or wrong

Dear Nanay,

The past few weeks I have seen people sending letters to you about children and how to raise them.

I just wanted to say that the job of us housewives and parents is a very hard one. We have to balance the household matters and raising our children, which is not only time consuming but often aggravating and testing as well.

There are definitely many ways to bring up your children. Some parents are strict and some spoil them. But most of us, I think, are somewhere in between. 

What you will find is that no matter what kind of parenting you do, you will not always be correct and you will not always be wrong. There is no one perfect way and each one of us needs to find our own way of doing things that works for our children and for the life of the parents.

Having said that, here are the things that I think are most important in any parenting relationship.

1. Love. Unconditional and unbridled love for your children. No matter what you do, you must be doing it because you love them.

2. Consistency. You must be consistent in enforcing rules with your children otherwise your children will not know how to act properly. How will they know what to do if today you allow them to watch TV and tomorrow you do not? They will only get confused.

3. Everything is for their benefit. We must always do what is best for the child. Notice that this does not mean they always get what they want. It just means that we do what we think is best for them.

4. Always do our best. That is really all we can be expected to do.

— Maria Josefa

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