Should you pressure your child to be number one?

DEAR NANAY,

My daughter is graduating from high school this March and she is in the running for valedictorian. We are very proud of her and all her accomplishments all these years because she is very hardworking and very smart.

The problem is we are not sure if she will get the valedictorian award because she is running neck and neck with another girl.

Of course, we want her to win but I think she wants to win it even more to please us, her parents. How do I tell her that it is okay if she does not win without sounding like we have lost faith in her ability to win? She might think we don’t think she is deserving if we say that it is okay to not win. Or she might think we don’t want her to succeed. But at the same time we, of course, want to encourage her to always go for it!

— MTE

DEAR MTE,

I think you should just come out and tell her exactly how you feel. And if you are sincere and honest about what you are telling her, then I doubt very much that there will be room for misinterpretation. I am also very glad that you are not so fixated on your daughter becoming the valedictorian because there are a lot of parents who will do anything just for their children to be number one. They often fail to realize that being the salutatorian is just as impressive and our children deserve as much congratulations for such an accomplishment.

Having said that, just tell her how proud you are of her for all that she has done over the past years and that, win or lose, she will always be a winner in your eyes. Also, it might be good to remind her that most often, it is the effort that counts more than the actual results because it is those who work the hardest that often succeed in life as opposed to those who are just “smart.”

Congratulations!

Sincerely,

NANAY

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SISTERS ACT

DEAR NANAY,

This is in response to Izza’s plea (Feb. 13). With due respect, huwag mo sanag isalin ang buhay mo sa kapatid mo. You are only related as sisters, but definitely with different minds and personalities. I believe what you’re telling us about your sister being sad and unlucky in love is merely your own perception. A responsible person in her mid-30s who has taken up the cudgels of supporting your widowed mother, and religious at that, why, she has the main qualities of a person very much in charge of herself, needless of any unsolicited advice. Pushing her into a life-altering decision, like marriage, all in the name of happiness, just because all of her siblings are already married is ill-advised and misplaced.

Besides, since 60 is not 40, your sister at 30 has still lots of time to think about settling down. It might do you well to heed the advice of Nanay: Hinay hinay lamang, don’t panic.

— JACQUELINE

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Send your questions to asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph.