Dealing with midlife crisis
Partner, how much longer do we have to live, five to 10 years? ” What an astounding question from Jun Simon. Jun must have been momentarily discombobulated. I never thought of longevity in that dreadful manner, but always as inspirational. Was Jun inviting me to a midlife crisis? If I had gone through that, I never knew, as I was engaged with studies and politics.
Was midlife crisis throwing its weight around which, according to Sigmund Freud, barges into our consciousness between 40 and 60 years old, when “everyone’s thoughts are driven by the fear of impending death”? Jun ruffled his hair as he does when he’s thinking.
What’s inevitable will eventually happen. Jun led me into bewilderment but it resulted in enlightenment. I’m still on the drawing board of a sublime architect. I’m His instrument and my mission isn’t over yet.
Three hundred sixty-five days of multi-tasking as administrator, teacher, housewife, foster mother, quack architect, traveler, and researcher. How can midlife crisis find me? It entertains me daily. I make my day all the more exciting when I holler “time out,” which eases office tension. It’s dermatology time… and inquiring about Celestina’s new colors of man-eater alligator bags? Serves them right. Death to those lizards as I hold Tina Maristela Ocampo’s emerald alligator green bag. Did you know our alligators are found in just two places in the Philippines? Sierra Madre and Mindoro. Crocodiles once swam in Concepcion river in Tarlac, coming from Pampanga waterways leading to Manila Bay.
What’s midlife crisis? Carl Jung said, “It’s the integration of thinking and a feeling of one’s life to date and one’s goal.” With sunlight, not necessarily sundown. I smiled at Carl Jung’s funny examples of coping with midlife crisis. Men dress younger in blue jeans, long hair and shiny jewelry while engaging in many love affairs. Midlife, he said, can manifest itself by “putting pressure on others.” Although Peping’s not going to like this, Jung’s example was forcing children to excel — it was sports, in Mikee’s case. Another manifestation is an obsession with daringness, which could mean riding on a speeding bike! There are only three persons that come to my mind. My mistah, Police Senior Superintendent Juanito “Boy” Vaño Jr., PMA ‘83, who travels interstate in America on a bike, and Police Director Danilo Abarzosa, who took up highway patrol classes.
Lastly, my dad, his hair turned pure white at 40 and at 60 he’d speed on his bike. One day, he fell by the roadside. Rescuers said to him, “Lolo bakit kayo nagbabike pa?” He quit the sport after that.
If crisis is about remembering “we’re old na,” we can be young at heart. We can face midlife with experiences that give us the confidence to say, “I told you so.” Does midlife lead to a loss of identity and vulnerability? I see an abundance of young girls that make me wonder how did they merit fame. Plastic surgery? Mixed marriages? But that’s skin-deep. What discipline provided them their occupations?
During my time it was about “all natural” and we were then the “stars.” Tweetums Gonzales had the prettiest dimples. Chingbee Kalaw, the flirtiest eyes. Cherry Pie Villongco, the thinnest figure. Buki Richardson, the fairest complexion. Vicky Zubiri had the lightest dancing feet. Josie Padilla, the prettiest smile. “Tums” became an ad executive. “Bee” a businesswoman, busy as a bee. As mothers, our offspring are proof of our own characters. We have metamorphosed physically but we’ve been a part of that shining constellation, and health is on our side. We live in electrifying times. Environment is changing, and technology is beyond my comprehension. The world is turbulent. Every day is a God-given day.
My biggest crisis is not midlife. It’s fretting when I can’t find a Valium or Traxene, especially on a plane ride. Mid life? If I feel it creeping in, I know what I’ll do. Get busier. Dig for blue and white pottery in Datu Piang, Maguindanao, in my malong with Wilson and Mohammad. Drive to Sultan Gummander, Lanao Sur with Ayub to literally cool my heels in the rushing river where Chinese traders sailed selling red porcelain to trade in Malabang, Lanao Sur. Hitch a ride to Look, Sulu, with Mayor Omar and just sit by the pier. Those adventurers remind me of an old man in La Paz. Feeling lethargic, I heard about an elderly gentleman who lived 50 years ago in La Paz, Tarlac. I went to visit him in his bahay kubo and met his third teenage wife of 18. He was 80. He carried Antonio Luna’s lifeless body on Luna’s white horse. That’s living a life!
My friend Juckra from Maguindanao just texted, “All things in life are temporary. If they’re going well, enjoy them, they won’t last forever. If they go wrong, don’t worry, they can’t last long either.” See? No crisis!
