Letter to my son

Dear Mike,

I’m writing to you because, lately, we start a lot of mornings like this: you storming into our room complaining about not wanting to go to school and pleading with me and your mom to allow you to stay home. Since our explaining to you why you need to go to school doesn’t work, then we have to be “strict” with you and we send you off to school, often kicking and screaming. Now I know that you are only four years old and what I’m about to tell you will not make a lot of sense to you right now but in a few years, when you are more mature and I show this letter to you, you will appreciate both our making you got to school and our strictness:

1. We are “strict” not because it’s easy. When we gently make you do things you don’t want to  like waking up early to go to school or eating nutritious food  it isn’t because we just want you to follow our wishes. That would only be selfish. In fact, it would be a lot easier for us to simply allow you to do whatever you want: waking up late and feasting on chocolates and candy. That would free your mom and me from having to explain to you why eating vegetables is good for your health and from our having to run after you when you refuse to eat your food. The truth is that imposing discipline is actually difficult for us because we’d rather spend the time we have with you just enjoying your company and having fun. Your mom and I both work hard  eight hours or more a day  so when we are at home, being strict with you is really the last thing on our minds. But not imposing discipline, not being strict with you, would be very bad for you and as your parents,  we are willing to give up some of our personal enjoyment if it will help you become a better person.

2. Discipline and sacrifice is good for you. This is an important lesson: To become successful, you will have to develop the ability to give up some things that you might want at the moment, for others things that are more important and better for you in the long run. So that we understand each other, for me, being successful means in general simply becoming the best that you can be. Let me give you an example of discipline and sacrifice: everyday you see your mom and I go off to work, sometimes even when we are very tired or even a little sick. We do this because we want to be able to provide a good and comfortable life for you and your older brother, Santi. So we give up or “sacrifice” a little bit of rest and comfort so that we can work and earn for your future. Another example is when you see me doing exercises at home. Honestly, as I get older, I’m becoming lazier and lazier and I’d rather not have to exercise but I do it because I want to stay fit and healthy so that I can be around for a long time and see you and Santi grow up.

3. Education is the best gift we can give you. You are very lucky to be going to an excellent school, especially because in our country there are many kids who want to go to school who aren’t able to do so because their families are very poor. As you grow older, you will find out that in the Philippines, a good education is a gift that is given, sadly, to only a few. This is why we can’t give in when you say you don’t want to go to school. Make no mistake about it  a good education is one thing that your mom and I will make sure you get, whether you like it or not. But it would be so much better and easier if you just do your part. So study well and be thankful that you are lucky to be going to a good school.

4. You need your classmates to grow and learn. One of the great things about going to school, aside of course from the information that you learn there, is the opportunity to meet and spend time with others. You don’t learn only from books and TV or the Internet and a lot of the best lessons that you will learn will be simply from inter-acting and spending time with your classmates. You are a very smart child and in fact your teachers want to make you go up one grade level but to be really successful, being smart is not enough and you will have to learn to work and deal with all sorts of people. Actually, a school is the first place that you will get the opportunity to spend a good amount of time with people outside of our family.

5. Remember that we only want what is best for you. This minor problem about your going to school will be just one of many, many other cases when it will seem that we are forcing you to do something that you don’t want to do. There will be times when your mom and I will seem unfair or even harsh or tough on you. But as early as now we want to make it very clear to you that whatever advice, direction, or even, gentle punishment that we will give you comes from a good place and it is because we only want you to succeed and grow up well. I know that there will be times that, because of my strictness, you might even dislike me. God knows that there were times I disliked my parents. Of course, that will be painful for me since I don’t want to be just a parent but I also want to be your friend. But I’m a parent, first and foremost, and I’m ready to give up some friendship points to insure that I’m raising you the right way. Actually, I never really understood it until we had you and Santi what my father meant when he said that whenever he punished me, it hurt him more than it hurt me. During my own childhood punishment actual meant, at times, even light physical punishment. So I’m glad that nowadays not only is that kind of punishment discouraged but both you and Santi are not the type of children who would even need it. But the fact that it is difficult, if not painful, for us parents to be strict and to discipline you is something that I  want you to know.

Lastly, the point is this that your mother and I love you very much and that we will do all we can to make you grow up to be happy, well-adjusted, and successful person.

Trust me, many years from now, when you have achieved success, you will look back and actually thank us for being such strict parents.

Your loving father,

Adel