Some people are just very hospitable

DEAR NANAY,

My work requires me to go to Hong Kong quite often and I have made some good friends there. My problem is that one of my friends shows too much hospitality and always treats me out when we eat. And to make it worse, she always asks me out to lunch or dinner while I am there. So she keeps making blowout and I never get the chance to return the favor because she gets very upset when I offer to pay. She says it is her home city so she needs to show hospitality. What can I do to convince her that it should be my turn sometimes to treat?

— Giselle

Dear Giselle,

I honestly do not think there is anything you can do to change her mind.  There are some people who are — rightly or wrongly — very hospitable. Ganyan talaga ang ibang tao (That’s just how some people are). If you do not want to have an argument I would just be very gracious and say “Thank you” every time she treats.  And if you want to show your gratitude, then sometimes you can buy her a nice gift for her birthday, Christmas or even on any ordinary day just to show how much you appreciate her friendship.

Or perhaps you can organize some kind of surprise party for her with all your friends. Again, it can be her birthday or any ordinary day.  You can just throw a “we appreciate your friendship” party.

There are more ways than one to show appreciation than just treating somebody out. Use your imagination and I am sure you can come up with many ways to repay her kindness.

Sincerely,

NANAY

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Easy Come, Easy Go

Dear Nanay,

I’m quite intrigued by the offered personal story line solution of MDGS to JAM’s predicament. It’s really none of my business, but since he voluntarily “faced the camera,”  so to speak, I’m forced to delve a little bit deeper into his actuations relevant to the issue, in order to have a clearer picture.  First of all, how come he has now a fourth wife?  Has he legally obtained annulment of his three previous marriages? Otherwise, it could only mean that he was just into live-in relationships, one after the other.  This brings to fore the word “trust,” which he has tirelessly used. I’m sure Nanay would agree that trust is not a commodity to be given away at the first blush of feeling good. No, it has to be tediously earned and developed over a period of time, more especially if it has been miserably shakened, if not lost.  Now, at the risk of casting doubt over live-in relationships as against legally sanctioned marriages with all its expressly prescribed concomitants of duties and responsibilities, couples entering into the former should be aware of the caveat “easy come, easy go.”          — Jacqueline

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Looking For Her Match

Dear Nanay,

I have been following all your articles and I want to share my sentiments.  I’ve been single for a few years already and I was never married and have no children.  I’ve been supporting my family since I am single.  I’ve had serious relationships before.  I’m already 35 years old and my family wants me to settle down and have my own family already.  Unfortunately I can’t find my match.  Am I just too picky or should I wait for that someone meant for me?  I can say I’m already ready to settle down with the right man.  I’m trying my luck this time through your column.  Wish I can find single men out there and hope to find my match.  My email address is iamfrommanila@yahoo.com.  Thank you and more power.                                             — LEN

Dear Len,

There is no doubt in my mind. No, you are not being too picky because you should be very picky about whom you will marry.  This is someone you will spend the rest of your life with so you’d better choose very carefully and not just jump into marriage with the first man who walks in the door.  Yes ... you should absolutely wait for that someone meant for you.  Again, this will be your husband for life so you better wait till the right one comes along.  And no, you should never, never rush into marriage.  Thirty-five years old ka pa lang, ang bata-bata mo pa, hindi ka kailangan magmadali (You’re still young, you don’t have to be in a hurry).  There are so many people now who get married in their 30s and 40s with no problems.  

Iba na ang panahon ngayon (The times are different now).  It is not like 20 or 30 years ago when people got married very young. You still have your whole life ahead of you.

Please do not rush into something as serious as getting married where there is no room for mistakes.

Take your time. Do not let your family pressure you.  Make sure you make the right choice at the right time.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

NANAY