No true love in cyber affairs?

DEAR NANAY,

Your Sept. 19, column is very similar to my experience five years ago. The only difference is that it was my husband who had the cyber affair. I treated him as my best friend and I could not ask for more. We had no problems then and we were both active in church activities. That is why I was shocked when I discovered his affair. I immediately threw him out of the house and I called the husband of the other woman who is based in New York and revealed to him their affair.

The woman was here in the Philippines at that time and yes, she was here to meet my husband. The affair was about to go to the next level (physical) had I not discovered it. She was already planning their rendezvous in the US but because it would have been hard for my husband to get his US visa and also for the reason that he has no money for his airfare, she instead came here.

My husband and I got together again but stayed in different rooms. I discovered later that they were still in contact and I again threw him out of the house. I went to the US and was already entertaining the idea of going TNT but on my fifth month in the US, he had a heart attack and it was my children who were taking care of him. I decided to come home and maybe because of awa (pity) towards him and for my children. As I was praying very hard while I was in the US, I took it as a sign that I should come home.

We were reunited and it has been five years since that experience. I think it is God who made the way for him to realize his foolishness. I don’t think he will do it again. He is sickly now and he knows that I can again throw him out of our house anytime I will discover it again.

To Jam, I know very much how you feel. I’ve been there. My advice is for you to pray very, very hard. You will need all the patience in the world to deal with her. You’re right, it is an addiction and I’m sure she is also spending for her calls to the other party. She will not be contented with receiving e-mails. But she will want to hear his voice. Next, they will plan to see each other. By this time, they might have already met. Investigate and determine how deep is their relationship at present. Then you really will make a decision sooner or later. Rest assured that I will pray for your guidance.

To those engaging in cyber affairs but who are very much married, mahiya naman kayo (be ashamed)!  Makakarma rin kayo (bad karma will befall you). I’m sure about that!

Nanay, thank you for being there for people like us. I hope my sharing will help JAM and all others in the same situation.    MARLA

DEAR MARLA,

Thank you for sharing your personal experience.

It is a pity that it took a heart attack for your husband to rediscover what he had all this time. That was an expensive price to pay, but I am glad that at least he was able to come back to his family. There are many people out there who have stories with much worse endings. Mabuti na lang hindi ka nakabilang doon (It’s good that you are not one of them).

Perhaps the moral of your story is to never lose hope. Even if it takes years — five years in your case — there is very often still hope for reconciliation. Just never give up on yourself and your family.

Sincerely,

NANAY