Ten ways

The year 2009 was kind. It started with me finding myself in India, a place that will always be special in my heart for its eternal embrace of serenity and its unapologetic use of clarified butter in everything. Then as the year ends, I have found myself home, with my family, my two boys Caligula and Bali, my best friends and, of course,

The Boyfriend. This year, I lived an expedited version of Eat, Pray, Love with eating and loving mingling closely to each other and praying for the consequences and blessings of both. I never quite got to meditating, though.

I started the year by doing the impossible: I deleted my Facebook account. After some due diligence I figured it was the source of my writer’s block. I literally spent half of this year on it. It is by far a very painful breakup. It made me go through a five-step process each time asking whether I was sure… like any breakup guilt was involved.

There was a top bar telling me who was going to miss me on Facebook. Well, it’s done. It just me and boring gmail for now.

It is my one good deed after starting the year off breaking some well-intentioned resolutions, some of which were retro-lutions from a few years back that have magically stuck. Oh, the decay of sanity when it comes to adhering to resolutions.

The ringing in of 2010 was quite odd. As we know many relationships suffer during this time as much as they flourish. My friend who is getting married this year spent her New Year’s playing it like a seasoned presidential candidate without a party volleying herself between her family and fiancé who didn’t see eye to eye. Another was nursing a recent breakup when what was supposed to be a holiday escape turned out to be happy hunting for a psychotic single white female stalker she thought she had left in London. As for me, I was still jet-lagging and was seriously sleep deprived. Without a miss, I missed New Year’s come in because I was passed out. I smell another one of those effing Mercury Retrogrades whirring about.

So as the smog from the fireworks fades, the quiet of New Year’s Day is the perfect time to recap not only the year that was, but the decade that was.

My 2000’s in a nutshell: Moved to New York; got a job at the STAR (which is by far my longest relationship to date); moved out of parents’ house; published first book; moved to first shoebox apartment which I love to this day; bought Caligula; got engaged then called off wedding; best friend died; moved to first adult apartment; said goodbye to champagne; moved to London to write book; moved back to Manila; Indian sojourn; back to Manila; then I met the love of my life — in Manila, the place I’d been trying to escape during my more adventurous 20s.

I have no resolutions. I think the changes we make for ourselves should be inspired by life itself and not synthetic longings.

Ten things I learned so far:

1). Divorcing friends. There’s no rule about this. We enter romantic relationships armed with some kind of a defense system that may fail. In friendships, we’re more earnest and open. But seriously, take it from someone who has been really burned: if it smells bad, run. The best thing about this is, in most friend divorces, they usually get the point after a couple of unreturned calls; they get it or are too lazy to deal. Some want a “talk”; make it quick — over coffee — and try not to get medieval on their asses.

2). Fall in love. Really. It’s loads of hard work but oh-so-worth-it.

3). Eat carbs. The ultimate pleasure of being human is the choice we have to eat pasta any time we want. When I was an Atkins freak, I was so unhappy only eating pizza toppings and leaving the crust behind, or eating kare-kare without rice. Believe me, life is too short, so eat spaghetti.

4). There’s nothing old about being old fashioned. I don’t get these modern relationships that bear the steely lines of a Zaha Hadid couch, the complication of a Hussein Chalayan dress and the emotional satisfaction of a cork. I love my men pulling chairs out for me and me not looking at other men. I don’t get this “open relationship” thing that a lot of people are doing. People are already crazy enough; they need some old-fashioned rules.

5). Learn how to have a vacation. No laptops and phones. You can do those in the house for free. Put on your bikini, a book you’re too embarrassed to read in public and your iPod.

6). Charity begins at home. It truly does take care of those around you.

7). Wear what you want. If it doesn’t stink, it’s a great thing to have. The crisis looms early. With all the information at our fingerprints, the world expects us to be perfect. Like the Forex rate, that’s a sham bubble.

8). It’s okay to eff up once in a while. Besides, everyone loves a comeback.

9). Live in the present. It has never been so exciting.

10). Getting better is never easy. But its benefits outweigh everything.

Here comes 2010. Straitjacket is under the seat next to the floatation device.