Unsolicited advice to Santa Claus, Tiger Woods, Pacquiao & GMA

MANILA, Philippines -Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.  — Benjamin Franklin

This writer can’t for —get that one of the pet peeves of the late President Cory C. Aquino when she was in office was unsolicited advice. However, this column is offering pieces of advice to various personalities who have recently been in the news or tabloid headlines.

Santa: lose weight, shave & don’t overshadow jc!

Dear Santa: A merry, healthy Christmas to you! Despite the numerous scientific studies on the importance of good health, why are you still mindlessly obese? I urge you to do regular exercise, eat healthy, lose weight, shave! If you still can’t change, you should consult a doctor for medical advice. You are so popular, a dramatic change in your lifestyle and your physique would send a powerful message to all people, most especially to kids.

By the way, instead of your image crowding out Jesus Christ from the Christmas theme and decor everywhere, why don’t you also help remind the rest of humanity that the true meaning of Christmas is the birth of Christ here on earth as a humble carpenter’s son in order to save us human beings from sin? Do not just promote shopping, partying and boozing.

I recently toured some European friends in Intramuros and we passed by San Agustin Church’s museum of Spanish colonial-era religious statues. My Dutch and British friends were shocked to see the figurines of the baby Jesus with diamond-studded crowns and bejeweled glittery clothes. My apologies to the many corrupt Spanish friars of Jose Rizal’s time, but Jesus Christ not only personified integrity and selflessness, He was also humble and not extravagant!  

Tiger & pacman: christmas is not glitter & parties, but family

Dear Tiger Woods and Manny Pacquiao: I wish you peace of mind this Christmas season, and I hope all the sordid rumors about your alleged extra-marital affairs end.

Tiger, 14 of your mistresses have now come out in the news and media reports claim that your wife is dead-set on divorcing you. It is not only the huge lucrative advertising endorsements you will be losing, but a harmonious and happy family life, which is priceless and something you might lose forever. Infidelity is not just a moral wrong, but as shown in your endless problems now, it causes physical and emotional stress, financial woes and turns your family life upside down. 

Pacman, you have just turned 31 years old and you are at your peak physically, financially, and in terms of success — do not risk your family life and peace of mind with rumored flings with starlets and gambling. Also, save yourself and please shun politics! There are people who are good at public service through politics like your benefactor, former Manila Mayor Lito Atienza and others, but I believe you will suffer the Peter Principle if you win the election but lose in politics. Peter Principle is a business theory that some are wrongly promoted or rise to the level of their incompetence. I believe you are great as an athlete and icon, but not as a politician.

Gma: martial law on edsa, not in maguindanao!

Dear President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo: I wasn’t in principle against your declaring martial law in Maguindanao. In fact, I challenge you to implement the death penalty on the ^$&#%$@* murderers there! I’m in favor of using the death penalty to send all kinds of heinous crime offenders to hell, including those political, military, police and other VIPs who commit economic plunder and for ages have impoverished the Philippines with their excessive corruption.

Why not impose martial law on EDSA and other major thoroughfares of our metropolis to uphold order and discipline, so that a car ride from Quezon City to Makati during rush hour would no longer take more time than a plane trip from Manila to Hong Kong or even Singapore?

You have a catastrophic credibility crisis, so an added incentive for you to declare martial law on EDSA and other major roads is overwhelming public support.

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