Good vs. evil, mind vs. heart

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

Noel Navalta Oribio, 31, being an idealist and optimist, is “hoping for a better world. I know that our individual thoughts and acts of kindness are instruments. I have just watched an old movie showing the ‘John Doe Club,’ whose people cared for their neighbors, which is truly amazing.”

For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil there is one striking at the root. — Henry David Thoreau

MANILA, Philippines - The world is a mirror that reflects the inner conflicts and triumphs of individuals, families and communities. Our environment is a tangible proof of our understanding of roots, not leaves; and of finding cures, not Band-Aids.

I admire Stephen R. Covey. His books — such as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, The Eighth Habit, and First Things First — are sources of inspiration. But one of his earlier works, The Spiritual Roots of Human Relations, published seven years before I was born, has left an indelible mark on my being.

The social, economic and political manifestations of our problems have moral and spiritual roots, says Covey. And that these roots are vision, commitment, understanding and example, communication and self-discipline.

Serving as a proselyte missionary for two years has opened my eyes to the more significant issues of life. I have met people losing hope of better things to come. They live as if their very purpose is to work for a living, or have fun, or just go with the flow until the end comes. Families that are wrecked by abuse and addiction, too.

I experienced the judging looks and deriding words of people who were suspicious of our intentions. Why have people lost trust in people?

Life has concrete ways of teaching lessons. In one area, a Church member introduced us to her “sister-in-law,” or so she thought she was, who also claimed to be a vascular surgeon in the States. Being a new missionary, I was idealistic and gullible, always believing in the goodness of others. My idealism was shredded to pieces. The lady doctor was a fake, an impostor who took advantage of the genuine trust of the people, a master of deception. She ran away with their money. My perfect world crashed; and even though I still have an innate appreciation of peoples’ goodness, I have to constantly remind myself that evil lurks in unexpected situations.

Covey discussed five spiritual roots of human relations. First is vision. “An eternal perspective toward life, its problems and challenges, should influence all decisions and actions.” When Jesus Christ is at the core of our being, we can build our character and relationship on Him as the light of this world. “Therefore, anchored to light and truth, we can accept the risks of understanding and loving freely, non-defensively, without prejudging or asking for something in return.”

When the charlatan was caught, the members of the community easily forgave her after she begged for mercy. And my mind was screaming, “She should be jailed!” After some time, I had a clearer understanding of how Christ-like those people are. And it was humbling to learn that I was lacking in qualities of the master whom I profess to represent.

There is no easy, step-by-step shortcut to improving our relationship with others. I believe in Covey’s words that we have to look into ourselves. Be honest with ourselves first — the roots of our problems are spiritual. The key lies in our hearts. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23.)

To pretend, play roles, focus on clothes, looks, cars, and other material possessions, all in an effort to win the approval and popularity of others, do not have a profound and enduring impact. People’s opinions are fickle and provide no security. Private victory precedes public victory. And this can only happen if we are anchored privately to true principles. Commitment is a root that once embedded in the understanding of “the big picture” (who we are, why we’re here, and so forth), would blossom into success.

I hear it very often when people try to rationalize what will become of a child, something like “Oranges do not grow from apple trees,” or in Filipino, “Kung ano’ng puno siyang bunga.”

Truly, parents have a foundational responsibility in rearing their children. My parents are not perfect; I’ve seen weaknesses. But how often do we appreciate them for their love?

I have friends who have never known their parents, having lived with relatives growing up. Some parents don’t care enough, yet their children grow up to be role models to their own families. They lived up to true principles they have come to know. And this proves that it is everyone’s responsibility to define his/ her own future. We are destined for greatness only if we commit to live a life worthy of such significance.

The Golden Rule is perhaps the finest expression of the human relations concept. Paul in First Corinthians, Chapter 13, speaks of love, the key to success with others. To succeed with people, we need to upgrade the quality of our own lives and the depth of our understanding of others.

Even before I meet people, I decide and picture in my mind that they are pleasant and good, even if my traumatic experiences tell me otherwise. Through this exercise, I focus on others’ needs and understand their behavior. And with this, I build a relationship of trust, and they become my friends.

Logic and feeling are two separate languages. I disagree that the mind should rule the heart. The heart is often much wiser than the mind. A person must learn to listen to his heart, to take counsel from his conscience, feelings and intuition, as well as from his mind. Society dictates how men and women should behave. Most of the time, the logical or practical approach is considered masculine while the sentimental or emotional approach is considered feminine, and we put a higher value on the former. “This stifles most of the creativity and spontaneous enjoyments in life, and rather than leading to wisdom, it would lead to a kind of imbalance and a distortion of life.”

Our integrity and effectiveness lie in our commitment. We exist for specific purposes. And we can magnify our purpose by learning the roots, the spiritual roots of our existence.

I was asked by a colleague what conversion means. My answer is simple: conversion is change. And remember those who were losing hope? They changed; they had come out of darkness into light. And this is through the “…silent, natural, gradual workings within the breast of each individual who surrenders his will to a higher will.”