Be a real dad

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” Okay, fathers… before you start cursing me and pulling out whatever hair you have left, this is a quote, okay? A quote from Italian Pope, John XXIII.

The fact is, biology alone doesn’t make one a father — or a mother, for that matter. There’s a tremendous lot more to parenthood than having the same genetic components. But today being Father’s Day, let’s concentrate on Daddy, Papa, Itang, Tatay.

Daddies have their work cut out for them. They’re nervous and ready to hold their wives’ hand at any delivery (or “birthing”) with one special thing in hand — a camera, as he’s in charge of documenting the baby’s progress. But first he chases after the nurse with his newborn to make sure the nursery tags his baby’s name correctly on the wrist. Recording those all-important moments of development from the day a son is born to adulthood and grandchildren is Daddy’s duty and the daddies love that.

Daddies assume their wives have just about covered everything, at least with the help of their mother-in-law and his own mom. Mommies perceive what our babies and children need.

Mothers have an innate connection with their children but fathers have to make an extra effort (oops!) to be part of their child’s daily routine. Not because of who wakes up early to prepare breakfast but because fatherhood requires “steaming off.”

Fathers are called the “haligi ng tahanan,” the foundation of a home. Aside from being tasked to ensure that there’s food on the table, they are expected to conceive of the family’s course, its direction, depending on his income. And he might make a day in a week a “holiday of obligation,” like establishing the “Sundays together” rule. For married or single children, woe unto those who skip a commitment or ask to be excused from a regular family get-together. In my home, our family celebrates Sundays with our sons-in-law and grandchildren coming for dinner and catching up with laughter and problems, and more laughter.

Fathers not only hand over the month’s paycheck to Mom but children look up to Dad to get involved in life and ask, “What’s your favorite subject?” Preferred activity? Who’s his best friend? What’s his NBA Team? Who’s his favorite basketball player? Her favorite TV show? Singer? Crush? Okay… just basic interacting questions.

That a dad has a hard time connecting with his daughter is a myth. A little daldalan is Daddy’s bond with his daughters but both might exhibit more enthusiasm if they were involved together in some sport! Swimming, bowling, golf, or horseback riding.

Discipline is inherent in a family such as mine. Once my husband says, “This is it,” his opinion is a command. He spanked my girls, made them face the wall, put them in isolation in a room if they ran around during mealtime and threw ashtrays to challenge the cement floor but my children still loved him more and their reconciliations were great moments. How could that be, I’ve wondered up until now. I’ve seen many, many fathers who have been successful in loving children yet scolding them and keeping up with their chosen careers. Some love their children more than their wives. They allow their children to get away with all kinds of mischief with just a kiss and hug for dad.

I think a father should be like a mother (sorry, dads) and open lines of communication, be fair in giving punishments and be consistent in giving rewards. Weepy eyes shouldn’t fool them, though they did fool my soft heart. How angry I was when they committed an offense or a crime! But mellowed out instantly after I taught them the law of cause and effect. Years after, I allowed them to talk and I listened to find out the cause and work out a solution.

I cannot stress enough how important a father is to a child. Their heroes are their fathers who can influence a child’s thinking, inspire them to do good in life, and encourage the offspring to go for their goals.

We need fathers to turn out gentlemen — to teach their sons that every time they ride the elevator with a one-person bench their young sons should know that they should always give a lady the seat. But once, I saw a three-year-old son look around and say, “Where’s the lady?” And his mother was standing next to him! How about father who gives more direction as to teaching his sons proper manners, especially with the opposite sex, like putting the toilet seat back down in the family bathroom (in spite of his eight-year-old son protesting, “But there’s only one of her and four of us!”)? Fathers, you can do this by starting them at a very early age. It’s no contest that fathers are better at disciplining their children while mommies teach them table etiquette and little gestures that make a big impact on ladies. Ladies gush if a young man opens a door for us; and yes, surrender to the lady the one available seat you’re sitting on. Oh, I miss all that gallantry which is so very rare nowadays.

So now I go back to Pope John XXIII and his quote: “It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” It’s easier to procreate and have children. Even easy to be a father by providing food for the table, clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads.

What’s not easy is to be a real father. It’s not easy to wake up in the middle of the night to change your child’s diaper. It’s not easy to play with your son after a day of hard work; not easy to read your daughter a book at bedtime when you’re so sleepy yourself; not easy to help them with an assignment especially after braving the traffic to get home in time for dinner. It’s not easy making our children follow our curfew rules; not easy to wait around until your daughter comes home from a date; and definitely not easy debating with a headstrong child. But hey, Dad: no one said it was easy. Your child needs a real father!