Why I am not (yet!) running for president

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. — Aesop

Too bad 90 percent of the politicians give the other 10 percent a bad reputation. — Henry Kissinger

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river. — Nikita Khrushchev

In my country we go to prison first and then become president. — Nelson Mandela

MANILA, Philippines – Warning! This column might be hazardous to your cynicism towards our raucous politics, and you might be dangerously deluded into voting for me.

Despite the deafening clamor of my office secretaries Mela, Rose, Grace and my accountants Cherry and Janet, the “insistent public demand” of a few friends, plus of course the endorsement of my ever-loyal former tuta (pup) now full-grown Labrador Retriever named Duchess, I wish to reiterate that this writer, college teacher, magazine editor and realty entrepreneur is not yet interested in running for president of the Philippines for the following reasons:

• First, you must increase the salary of the president! I believe the salaries of our highest public officials, from president, VP, senators, congressmen to cabinet secretaries are all a big joke and possibly a convenient intellectual alibi or excuse for the mind-boggling corruption incessantly inflicted upon our society.

I will never run for President of this republic if the monthly salary isn’t raised to at least equal or greater than the monthly pay of the chief executive officer of San Miguel Corporation, BDO universal bank or any multinational firm! Why am I going to spend P1 billion or more to campaign nationwide for an arduous job that pays a few hundred thousand pesos per year? Am I crazy?

Article XVIII Section 17 of the 1987 constitution provides that until the Congress provides otherwise, the president shall receive an annual salary of P300,000. On March 14, 2007, President Arroyo issued Executive Order No. 611 for a 10-percent increase over the basic monthly salaries of civilian government personnel whose positions are covered by the Compensation and Position Classification System, including the salaries of the president, vice president, senators and members of the House of Representatives.

In exchange for higher salaries for all government leaders, there should be early retirement of at least — in my own estimate — 50 percent of all government personnel or bureaucrats in order to increase overall efficiency. There should also be full disclosure of all expenses, including so-called “discretionary funds.”

• First, I must marry a future first lady. Unlike the hardworking Senator Loren Legarda who told me she’s the best qualified presidentiable because she has no First Gentleman as baggage (similar to the unmarried great Queen Elizabeth I of England) or Pampanga Governor Ed Panlilio who is a Catholic priest or Wharton-trained PLDT/Smart boss Manuel “Manny” Pangilinan (whom many are hoping to draft for 2010), I am not yet ready to run for president if I am still unmarried. Why?

I will be honest and frank in saying that, unlike our many baby-kissing politicos who go shaking hands in wet markets or go on funny TV shows to boost their popularity, I, as president of the republic, would not want to waste the taxpayers’ money on attending too many socials like being the godparent at weddings or baptisms, ribbon-cutting new highways or bridges, attending fiestas, all of which I believe a future first lady can handle much better.  

Also, I would ban the odious and utterly shameless practice of plastering the face of an incumbent president on public works projects paid for by taxpayers’ money!

• Revamp Comelec, and automate elections first! I will never, ever agree to run for president of the republic until and unless we totally revamp the composition of the Commission on Elections (Comelec) with non-political people of the highest unimpeachable integrity.

Instead of lawyers and politicos in Comelec, please add my brilliant high school math and Chinese history teacher Lucy Sia and fellow volunteers of the Mathematics Trainers Guild Philippines (MTGP), led by Zamboanga’s Dr. Simon Chua, Rechilda Villame and Eduardo de la Cruz, Jr. They not only help train students who win in international math Olympiads — without salaries, they really know how to count, and fast! No more nincompoop dagdag-bawas shenanigans!

Another condition would have to be full automation of the election process. We’re now already in the 21st century, so how come the national government was willing to spend so much — an allegedly bloated amount — for the so-called National Broadband project, but we still haven’t decisively automated our polls?

• Death penalty for grafters and their kin must be enforced! Swift, merciless death penalty — nothing less — for the high crime of corruption which wastes, dissipates, embezzles or pilfers government funds and resources which could have been used for public schools, textbooks, rural health clinics or other basic social services. And by the way, I wouldn’t allow any free “last meals” for crooks!

I will not run for president of the republic if we don’t up the ante and increase penalties for corruption of top government officials, police and military generals, bureaucrats and their kin, because I want to warn all my relatives to the 100th degree of consanguinity and friends that nepotism, cronyism, name-dropping, smoking, influence-peddling, unauthorized use of car blinkers and corruption in my administration will be harshly punished without fear, favor or humor!

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