'The more the manyer'

MANILA, Philippines - We’re one of the largest English-speaking countries in the world. English is the most spoken language in the country, next only to our native tongue,
and yes, it is also the most murdered, mangled or mutilated.

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Looks like we’re not really at home with the English language. A well-meaning Pinoy host graciously tells his guests, “Feel like home.” Or, “Make yourself a house.”

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A pretty young thing answers the phone, “Hello! For a while. Please hang yourself. My boss is out of town. Would you like to wait?”

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Sometimes, we tend to be very “possessive”: “I’d like you to meet my cousin of mine.” Or redundant: “I’m attending the wedding of my friend who is getting married.”

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This being the Year of the Ox, carabao English rules! That’s what I’m talking about it. All of a suddenly. Out of the blues. Forget it about it. You can never can tell. What are friends are for?

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“I’m only human nature,” says the Anonymous Pinoy in The More The Manyer!, a collection of Pinoy clichés and other words of wisdumb.

“I don’t care less,” he goes on to say in Without Further Adieu, the sequel to The More The Manyer! (both available at National Book Store and Powerbooks).

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Lost in translation? We like to take it literally. “I told you not to go to. And you still go to. Now look at!” — read: “Sinabi ko nang huwag pumunta doon, pumunta ka pa rin. Ngayon tingnan mo!”

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“First and for all,” the Anon Pinoy notes that a Welshman he knows accuses Pinoys of the crime of “dartboard English.” Rather than dash to the dictionary, he‘d rely on his arsenal of darts “to poke at and deflate the English language: word omissions (or additions), phrase adulterations, mixed metaphors, poor syntax, bad grammar, you know … the sky’s the langit …”

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And then there are the oxymora: What’s your next class before this? I always go there sometimes.

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Like our fondness for a sinful glass of halo-halo, especially with summer suddenly upon us, we have a penchant for mixed metaphors: Keep that bear in mind. Whatever you say so. Don’t touch me not! Don’t just do something, stand there. The idea crossed at the back of my mind. Are you joking my leg?

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Sometimes, it could be not so much a case of bad English as a chronic case of bad hearing. For instance, there was this showbiz celebrity-turned-politician who said with a beatific smile when interviewed on TV: “It’s a blessing in the sky.” Can’t blame her, it does remotely sound like “blessing in disguise.”

And for the nth time, it’s not “time in memorial” but “time immemorial.” It’s not “for those not preview to the story,” but “for those not privy to the story.”

But “please don’t make fond of me!”

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Then there are the “words of wisdumb to leave by.” Heed this: Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you mine. Give him the benefit of the daw. Every cloud has a silver lightning. Dumb if you do, dumb if you don’t.

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With apologies to William Safire, William Strunk Jr., and EB White, we stand by corrected.