My friend Mick
I was with my old friend Mick yesterday. We had never had a serious talk in all the 48 years I have known him. He was always a fun guy — and that’s putting it mildly. The more accurate description of Mick is, he is a wild and crazy person prone to all manner of benign and toxic excesses. His life has been marked by the themes of tomfoolery, sex, drugs, alcohol, from “lite” to heavy, and — yes — love! He can be described as a man who has lived his life passionately, although at times without direction.
Even when we were growing up, he was already quite an intense person. He loved to shock people with his derring-do. He had a kamikaze spirit that he employed in both trivial and funny causes. He once ran in front of a speeding car driven by a girl he fancied. Naturally, he was bumped and, fortunately, not badly. When the girl came out horrified to check on him, he winked, smiled and introduced himself to her while lying in the road!
An extreme person, he liked to shock people by doing outrageous things. And no one could out-challenge him. Once, on a dare, he walked around a posh neighborhood totally naked! I, together with some friends, had to encircle him to prevent a scandal or an arrest!
When he liked a girl, Mick would do crazy, dangerous things just to impress her. In the process, he would often be caught in uncompromising situations. He once convinced a young colegiala to climb on top of the roof of her house and sit with him to while away the time, much to the horror of her mother who entered the driveway and saw them necking!
He was that kind of guy.
Except for a few fleeting occasions, I have not really seen much of Mick, much less talked to him at length since high school.
I know he has had a hard life, but this is not apparent when you are with him. In the few times I saw him before yesterday, he had laughed off any serious problems that would make ordinary mortals worry or even fold up — from marital, financial, health — even paternity issues. He would guffaw over beer or whisky to lighten things up. Except for some alcohol-induced tears he shed over a broken heart in high school, I have never seen him in any kind of reflective mode.
Mick was loud, rambunctious and irreverent. It was his way of coping with life. He was unable to commit to anything serious. He married once, but it didn’t work. He has had two other serious live-in relationships since, where he fathered three of his four daughters.
A recent bout with mortality seven years back must has mellowed him. I remember seeing him then and felt that his joie de vivre had left him. He had aged and his Paul Newman-like toothy smile had disappeared. He was recovering from a life-threatening bout with cirrhosis. I thought then that the Mick I knew had disappeared completely.
So it was good to be with him again yesterday. Mick was different, but still the same. He was still loud, but less scandalous. He was his light self, but he seemed more grounded. I thought that it must be age catching up with him. We talked about old times, old friends and the great events that have happened in our lives since high school. I was eager to hear what had transpired in his life and how he coped.
I was surprised to hear that, for the past seven years since his illness, he has stopped drinking, except for an occasional beer. He has also become a doting father of two recent daughters. He still had the loud laugh, and he could still spew out expletives in his crass yet endearingly funny manner, but I felt that he did so just to help me connect to the crazy Mick I knew and, in his mind, probably expected!
He told me stories that struck me, and which I will remember for a long time. He narrated an experience before he married his girlfriend some 30 years ago. He said he went to confession because it was required by the officiating priest. After a rather long and colorful confession, the priest told him that he would not give him the usual penance of Hail Marys or Rosaries to be recited. Instead, the priest told him to give all the money he had in his wallet to the first poor person he saw that day.
On his way home with his girlfriend, they stopped at a red light at an intersection. There was no one in the street that late evening until he looked to his left side window and was startled to see a man in crutches, with one leg missing. Remembering his penance, Mick took out his wallet and gave all 400 pesos and some change that he had and asked his girlfriend for all the money in her purse to give to the beggar.
Mick said that the moment he looked at the eyes of the beggar, he saw in the man’s face the very countenance of Jesus Christ! He said he was so moved that all through the drive home tears streamed down his cheeks.
It is an astounding story coming from one who seemed to have not a religious bone in his body. What transpired after that was nowhere near the complete conversion of Saul the persecutor of Christians to Paul the Apostle. Mick’s marriage failed, he continued drinking, had many affairs, etc. But that story seems to have left an opening for other similar experiences.
Mick had a crazy sense of commitment and loyalty. I know him as one who would literally kill or die for a friend. Once, one of his daughters was hurting badly due to a failed relationship. Moved by passion and anger, his daughter called him and asked if he remembered saying to her when she was little that if anyone hurt her he would kill that person. He said yes, he did! Well, she was now asking him to do as he promised.
Mick was so moved by his daughter’s pain that he immediately called up people he knew whom, he believed, could carry out the operation. He felt he owed this to his daughter who had grown up without him. He also felt guilty about being an absentee dad and thought this was one way he could make up for it.
Luckily, his older brother intervened and told him to let it go. Immediately, he realized his misplaced love for his daughter, and called it off! He said that the moment he did, he felt a sense of relief. Again, he said he felt he had been saved!
All throughout our conversation, I had a strong feeling of empathy and love for my crazy old friend. He, who often acted as if he was clueless about morals and life’s consequences, must be so loved by God. After all, he has a corner in his heart that is true.
Mick said one piece of advice he got from his doctor is, if he wants to live long, he must have a light heart. Lately, he seems to be taking this seriously. He has also followed the advice of his late mother to make peace with all his ex-partners, which he has done.
When it was time to go, I gave him a tight hug and wished him the best, as we talked about seeing each other again. I said I want to meet all the people who matter in his life.
It looks to me like Mick’s life is a continuing redemption story. We can mess up all we want and as often as we want. Mick certainly has. But one thing we can be sure of is, there are events, people and missions thrown our way from time to time that open our eyes and remind us that there is good in us, and in everyone.
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The 44th run of “Tapping the Creative Universe” (TCU), a cutting-edge creativity workshop, will run every 7 to 9 p.m. from Feb. 16 to 20, concluding on Feb. 23. The venue is 113 B. Gonzales, Loyola Heights. Cost for the workshop is P5,000, inclusive of materials and merienda.
TCU is a workshop that is already six years in the running. It has helped hundreds of students with its transformative, practical concepts that help unleash the creativity and joy of all who attend. If you are in between dreams, goals, careers, loves, lives and need of a jolt, or a nudge to get you out of a rut, this is your chance. It’s a new year. Time to get a new you going!
Warning: If you are looking for an easy workshop where you may or may not attend the sessions, or you do not want to be challenged, this is not for you.
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For the syllabus, questions or reservations, e-mail me at email jimp@gmail.com or call 426-5375 or 0916-8554303. You can also visit http://tappingthecreativeuniverse.com for info.
