The ties that bind

Nothing is more important than family. My parents made sure we understood this early in life. My mother comes from a brood of nine. Christmases were a blast. It was tradition to spend lunch in my grandparent’s home with the entire clan.  Birthdays were always celebrated at home with my mother Lourdes usually baking the cake and just our siblings or sometimes some cousins joining in the small gathering. Once my mother was expecting her first child, Ces, my parents decided that she should stop teaching and concentrate fully on the family. My father Bernabe was a military man and would be away on assignments for prolonged periods. My mother was hands-on — everything. “Supermom” really does exist. She drove us to school, prepared our meals, helped us with our homework and supported our endeavors.

While my father’s presence was limited due to his work, he made sure our time spent together was optimized. We would have trips to the park, feeding the fish with our favorite treat, cheese curls, or play games at home. While away, he would write beautiful, lengthy letters to each of us. He never forgot a birthday. We would receive a telegraphic card or letter on our special day. He also taught us the value of service to the country. He would often tell us not to resent his absence since his duty was first to his country then to his family. I admired his dedication and integrity. He also stressed to us the value of education, that it was the only wealth he could bestow on us. But finishing was not enough. He encouraged us to excel at anything we set our sights on. Of course, when you are young, you do not fully understand these things.  It is only when we became adults that we fully valued how our parents brought us up.

It is in the worst situations where you see the best in people.  It is in the worst situations when you fully appreciate all that your parents taught you. It is what you have become. It is what has molded you. I am proud to say that our parents taught us well. We would not have endured this if we were not who we are.

Army Brat

I am the youngest of four. I was a poor brat. Despite the connotation, our father lived a life of honesty and integrity. I was a spoiled brat, but not in wealth. We did not experience the same comforts that some military families did.

My father would recount his difficult childhood each time we would go on trips to Baguio and Pangasinan to visit our grandparents. To us, the recital was torment. We would tell him each time that he was a broken record. I realize now how important these lessons are to what I have become.

I had to get what I wanted which made me very unpopular with my siblings. I was such a pest that I would bother Ces and her boyfriend when he would visit our home. I would bring out our Monopoly board and play with them until it was time for him to go home. They indulged me; Ces would never refuse me. I also remember countless projects for school she did for me like my cross-stitched napkins for Home Ed. She was a real ate.

But it was only later in my adult life that Ces and I became really close. I was no longer a brat, for one. We also shared common interests and we supported each other’s careers.

Broken Ties

My sister and I had a falling out years ago. It was my turn to go through a trying experience at that time. Unfortunately, my silence was misconstrued. My greatest disappointment was that my family, except for my mother, forgot who I really was. If they just remembered, none of this would have happened. I was so hurt that I had stopped contact with my sister. My episode had become a learning experience for us: communication is key. As soon as we found out Ces was being held captive, there was no hesitation, no doubts, no questions. We stopped our lives and focused on only one thing: to bring Ces back safe and sound.

Mommy Dearest

My mother is my hero. Growing up, I emulated her. I copied her. During Christmas reunions, we would each buy a new dress. I always picked a dress similar to hers. I even wanted to have the same hairstyle as hers, which I now resent since I look terrible in my childhood photos! I have never met a more selfless person. As my sister Grech would put it, “She is our core.” Despite my severed ties with my siblings for a period of time, my mother remained constant.  It was definitely a difficult situation for her. We all tell our mother everything; we all love her dearly. She would sacrifice her life for us.

It was during this time that I realized how much my mother suffered in the past. I never left her side when Ces was taken. I was so worried that she would not be able endure another tragedy. You see, we had lost our father suddenly in 1993 to a helicopter crash.  How ironic that we would lose him after he had retired from military service, where he went through even more dangerous encounters as an Army officer. How ironic, as well, that Ces was in Patikul, the same place where my father was ambushed in the ‘70s.  It was grueling once the sun set. It meant another day for Ces in the jungle. It meant another day of agony. My mother would cry herself to sleep. She would often tell me how awful she felt that we were sleeping so comfortably in bed while Ces was not. Or, when I would cook for us, that Ces had nothing to eat. She worried about everything. Day four, June 11, was one of the worst days. It was my father’s birthday. We were hoping her captors would release her as a birthday gift, but the day had passed. My mother gathered strength through prayer every day. She would cry to Mama Mary and beg all the saints to keep my sister safe. She was so devastated and helpless.  So my role was to make sure my mother remained strong and healthy while my other siblings focused on Ces’ quick release. We became a family untied again. Nothing was more important than to bring Ces back safe and sound.

Triple Happiness

We are ecstatic that Ces is back! My mother’s wishes came true. Ces is free and in good health. Our family is one again. And Ces finally stopped smoking. She calls it “triple happiness.”

God is indeed good. He heard the calls of many, not only our family. We are deeply grateful to all those who have prayed, offered assistance and support during this ordeal. The freedom of Ces, Jimmy and Angelo would not have been possible without this collective effort. We are deeply touched at how much people were concerned and doing things in their own little way to help. From this harrowing experience, we take with us countless things we perhaps already knew but had forgotten or took for granted. “Having the humility and trust in submitting your life to the Lord and accepting his power,” said Grechie. “Pure love fuels limitless energy,” she added. “I didn’t think of my family that I put through a terrible ordeal the past 10 days. It made me realize the value of life, of your family, of your colleagues,” Ces said, tears streaming down her face during their press conference at Manila Domestic Airport. Thanks to our parents, we are who we are. Otherwise, Ces would not have survived this traumatic experience. We would not have been able to function effectively if we were not who we are. Live a life that is true. Listen to your parents. They always have the best intentions at heart. As a parent, never forget your responsibility. Remember that you are the ones molding the future of the world. 

Thank God Ces is back. Thank God we are all smiling again.

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Send queries and suggestions to jo@joyceorena.com.