‘What would you do if you weren’t afraid?’
April 8, 2007 | 12:00am
This was the very question asked by Brian Johnson, CEO of zaadz.com, a cutting-edge Internet site that boldly states its goal as being "to change the world." This question, which came in an e-mail to me a few days ago, really hit me since I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. I felt really sad leaving my family in Sydney and returning to Manila to prepare for an APO tour in the US and Canada. There was the fear of being physically away from them and the loneliness it entails, of losing touch, of missing out and being irrelevant to their lives. I was even afraid I would go into a mild depression of sorts because of this.
Indeed, what would I do if I had no fear of any kind like failure, or fear of loss of approval or money, fear of losing a loved one, fear of being embarrassed, compared, condemned, etc. Even just imagining the possibilities that can happen to us if only we could overcome all these blocks is invigorating to the soul. Even when I can honestly say I do not have that many fears and that I continue to consciously confront what remains from time to time, the question is still a good one.
I do have a lot of things I would like to do but what stops me is the belief that no matter what I do, they will not happen. I must admit that, in a way, one can say this is also fear but manifesting itself as cynicism and "practicality." A corollary question is: What would we be if we were fearless? Ralph Waldo Emerson knew that to go against one’s fear was the main antidote to it. He said, "Always, always, always, always, always do what you are afraid to do."
Since Easter is a time of renewal, here’s a list of things that, if I did them, would liberate me in varying degrees in ways that I would like. Some are important things while others are just vanities. Call it fearlessness, or maybe plain hubris and bravado. Call it anything you like. Here’s a list that excites me.
1) Go and risk big money in a line of business that I am passionate about without paying too much attention to what the almighty market dictates. In other words, to boldly pursue my dreams without worrying about money. For example, I would like to have a music label and record stuff no one else wants to touch, like jazz, classical, old kundimans and Filipino folk songs. I would also include all the non-commercial but great compositions that my musician friends play to themselves when they want to feel or be in touch with their own musical integrity.
2) Start a movement in the field of education that would impact on our society the way Gawad Kalinga has. I would like to start a school that would become a template for true education with humanist values and a high degree of competence. It should be affordable to the poor but deserving kids who otherwise would not be properly educated. The template would be to produce proud, and educated graduates, well versed in Filipino culture, who can express themselves in an erudite and intelligent way in both Filipino and English.
3) Own a TV station and create shows and programming that I enjoy. To give you an idea of what I watch on TV, I like BBC, Discovery Channel, intelligent talk shows like Larry King, Hard Talk, the History Channel, etc. (Okay, I know I’m not a fun guy when it comes to TV). It would offer no gossip and would not resort to mediocrity, ridiculousness and toxicity just to earn revenue. TV has been called the third parent, in place of moms and dads who are working or are abroad. When you think about it, it is probably the most influential among all three parents. It is only right that TV rises to the occasion.
4) Take dance lessons. Ha, ha! Wow! This is a biggie for me. I would like to overcome the attitude ingrained in me that I cannot dance. If I can’t dance well, at least I can dance better!
5) Invest in rerecording a lot of the music compositions I’ve made in the past but this time with a symphony orchestra. Also, continue to write and record new stuff until the day I die.
6) Become a world teacher. I would like to address and dialogue with the world through my writing, my music and my presence. I would like to give talks, workshops, write books that will not only appeal to a great number of people all over the world but touch them in ways that will expand their sense of who they are. To put it in lofty but in no less serious terms, I would like to help propel everyone I meet a few rungs higher up the consciousness evolutionary ladder. In so doing, I would also be changed as well.
7) Call on and talk to the movers and shakers of the world, similar to what U2 singer Bono does. I believe artists have much to say to world leaders that can make the lives of people on earth more fulfilling and creative.
8) Run for public office. Now this is a truly great fear and challenge even if I have actually attempted this in the past. In the mid-’90s, I actually ran for barangay captain and lost. I felt no regret about it then since I did not want it that much.
As I approach the last few years of my life, I will want to do something worthwhile. Talking our national problems to death or complaining the way we all love to do is counterproductive. It may be the last idealistic thing I may ever do  that is, if I can truly muster the courage to do it. Running for public office is a scary and challenging thought and if I ever do, it will be done with a lot of preparation (I would have to take up further studies), deliberateness, thought and purity of intentions.
There is nobility in descending from the high horse of vicarious involvement and tackling issues in down-to-earth, effective ways that truly liberate people.
I would like to affect policies in the fields of culture, education and media to bring our national consciousness to a clearer, higher, more functionally creative level until we can have a more liberating culture that will serve us. This way, we can contribute to world culture uniquely as Filipinos.
9) Leave my family, my work, and all my concerns for six months to a year and live as a monk somewhere. There is a side of me that is contemplative and takes seriously the big questions that introspective men through the ages have attempted to answer. Questions like: Who am I? What is my mission in life? What is my true nature? I want to tread fearlessly into the heart of such intriguing questions even if it means having doubts about what I have been taught. In short, I want to meet God without the middleman and get the answers straight.
10) Go sailing for three months on a boat that I myself will navigate and handle. There is something grand but equally dreadful about being alone in the open sea. It would bring me face to face with both fear and courage. I was terribly impressed with this young Aussie boy who at 16 sailed for a number of months around the world all alone. It took every ounce of bravery and strength for him to do this.
11) Mount a number of photo exhibits, including daring ones like nudes that are erotically beautiful and artistic. I’ve actually had one serious exhibit that I spent for in the past. The fear factor in doing one is the idea of not just losing money but also losing face  what if no one comes? Thank God, it was successful financially and artistically.
12) Do a cage dive with Great White Sharks. This is on my "to-do" list together with my dive buddy, Redford White.
13) Show unconditional kindness and generosity to the underprivileged by sharing what I own. This is scary since the fear that I will run out of my own resources always comes and this prevents me from doing it.
14) Bet a crazy sum like thousands of US dollars on one roll of the dice at the casino. It’s not going to be about the thrill of gambling and winning but an exercise in non-attachment. The challenge here is mustering the attitude or willingness to accept whatever outcome turns up. It isn’t too different, in theory, from the Tibetan practice of making elaborate designs on sand and erasing them after.
Fear is something we will always have, and it is not a sin to recoil when we are faced with it. But a title of a book I read a few years ago gives good advice. It’s called Feel the Fear But Do It Anyway. It’s a great strategy that works. After all, as the New Agers cryptically put it: "What we resist persists. But what you look at eventually disappears."
Indeed, what would I do if I had no fear of any kind like failure, or fear of loss of approval or money, fear of losing a loved one, fear of being embarrassed, compared, condemned, etc. Even just imagining the possibilities that can happen to us if only we could overcome all these blocks is invigorating to the soul. Even when I can honestly say I do not have that many fears and that I continue to consciously confront what remains from time to time, the question is still a good one.
I do have a lot of things I would like to do but what stops me is the belief that no matter what I do, they will not happen. I must admit that, in a way, one can say this is also fear but manifesting itself as cynicism and "practicality." A corollary question is: What would we be if we were fearless? Ralph Waldo Emerson knew that to go against one’s fear was the main antidote to it. He said, "Always, always, always, always, always do what you are afraid to do."
Since Easter is a time of renewal, here’s a list of things that, if I did them, would liberate me in varying degrees in ways that I would like. Some are important things while others are just vanities. Call it fearlessness, or maybe plain hubris and bravado. Call it anything you like. Here’s a list that excites me.
1) Go and risk big money in a line of business that I am passionate about without paying too much attention to what the almighty market dictates. In other words, to boldly pursue my dreams without worrying about money. For example, I would like to have a music label and record stuff no one else wants to touch, like jazz, classical, old kundimans and Filipino folk songs. I would also include all the non-commercial but great compositions that my musician friends play to themselves when they want to feel or be in touch with their own musical integrity.
2) Start a movement in the field of education that would impact on our society the way Gawad Kalinga has. I would like to start a school that would become a template for true education with humanist values and a high degree of competence. It should be affordable to the poor but deserving kids who otherwise would not be properly educated. The template would be to produce proud, and educated graduates, well versed in Filipino culture, who can express themselves in an erudite and intelligent way in both Filipino and English.
3) Own a TV station and create shows and programming that I enjoy. To give you an idea of what I watch on TV, I like BBC, Discovery Channel, intelligent talk shows like Larry King, Hard Talk, the History Channel, etc. (Okay, I know I’m not a fun guy when it comes to TV). It would offer no gossip and would not resort to mediocrity, ridiculousness and toxicity just to earn revenue. TV has been called the third parent, in place of moms and dads who are working or are abroad. When you think about it, it is probably the most influential among all three parents. It is only right that TV rises to the occasion.
4) Take dance lessons. Ha, ha! Wow! This is a biggie for me. I would like to overcome the attitude ingrained in me that I cannot dance. If I can’t dance well, at least I can dance better!
5) Invest in rerecording a lot of the music compositions I’ve made in the past but this time with a symphony orchestra. Also, continue to write and record new stuff until the day I die.
6) Become a world teacher. I would like to address and dialogue with the world through my writing, my music and my presence. I would like to give talks, workshops, write books that will not only appeal to a great number of people all over the world but touch them in ways that will expand their sense of who they are. To put it in lofty but in no less serious terms, I would like to help propel everyone I meet a few rungs higher up the consciousness evolutionary ladder. In so doing, I would also be changed as well.
7) Call on and talk to the movers and shakers of the world, similar to what U2 singer Bono does. I believe artists have much to say to world leaders that can make the lives of people on earth more fulfilling and creative.
8) Run for public office. Now this is a truly great fear and challenge even if I have actually attempted this in the past. In the mid-’90s, I actually ran for barangay captain and lost. I felt no regret about it then since I did not want it that much.
As I approach the last few years of my life, I will want to do something worthwhile. Talking our national problems to death or complaining the way we all love to do is counterproductive. It may be the last idealistic thing I may ever do  that is, if I can truly muster the courage to do it. Running for public office is a scary and challenging thought and if I ever do, it will be done with a lot of preparation (I would have to take up further studies), deliberateness, thought and purity of intentions.
There is nobility in descending from the high horse of vicarious involvement and tackling issues in down-to-earth, effective ways that truly liberate people.
I would like to affect policies in the fields of culture, education and media to bring our national consciousness to a clearer, higher, more functionally creative level until we can have a more liberating culture that will serve us. This way, we can contribute to world culture uniquely as Filipinos.
9) Leave my family, my work, and all my concerns for six months to a year and live as a monk somewhere. There is a side of me that is contemplative and takes seriously the big questions that introspective men through the ages have attempted to answer. Questions like: Who am I? What is my mission in life? What is my true nature? I want to tread fearlessly into the heart of such intriguing questions even if it means having doubts about what I have been taught. In short, I want to meet God without the middleman and get the answers straight.
10) Go sailing for three months on a boat that I myself will navigate and handle. There is something grand but equally dreadful about being alone in the open sea. It would bring me face to face with both fear and courage. I was terribly impressed with this young Aussie boy who at 16 sailed for a number of months around the world all alone. It took every ounce of bravery and strength for him to do this.
11) Mount a number of photo exhibits, including daring ones like nudes that are erotically beautiful and artistic. I’ve actually had one serious exhibit that I spent for in the past. The fear factor in doing one is the idea of not just losing money but also losing face  what if no one comes? Thank God, it was successful financially and artistically.
12) Do a cage dive with Great White Sharks. This is on my "to-do" list together with my dive buddy, Redford White.
13) Show unconditional kindness and generosity to the underprivileged by sharing what I own. This is scary since the fear that I will run out of my own resources always comes and this prevents me from doing it.
14) Bet a crazy sum like thousands of US dollars on one roll of the dice at the casino. It’s not going to be about the thrill of gambling and winning but an exercise in non-attachment. The challenge here is mustering the attitude or willingness to accept whatever outcome turns up. It isn’t too different, in theory, from the Tibetan practice of making elaborate designs on sand and erasing them after.
Fear is something we will always have, and it is not a sin to recoil when we are faced with it. But a title of a book I read a few years ago gives good advice. It’s called Feel the Fear But Do It Anyway. It’s a great strategy that works. After all, as the New Agers cryptically put it: "What we resist persists. But what you look at eventually disappears."
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