My mom, my inspiration

We seldom realize the impact people have had in this world while they’re still with us. So often, we fail to honor and thank our loved ones in person. One such person was Tessie Ladringan-Abesamis, my mother.

My mom was the eldest in her family. Born five minutes ahead of her twin sister, Nancy Ladringan-Harel, and years ahead of six other siblings, she was instinctively the leader. The twins took it upon themselves to be role models for the family. They were responsible and well loved. Though they came from a humble background, they stood proud among more privileged children at an exclusive all-girls Catholic school in San Fernando, Pampanga. They went on to study at the University of the Philippines, graduated and found work. True to form, my mom and aunt helped out with the expenses at home and even, on occasion, extended assistance to their cousins.

While working for an advertising agency, they found themselves assigned as co-managers for the company’s Davao branch until their boss asked that one of them be assigned to the head office. My mom opted to stay in Davao while my aunt went to Manila. My aunt, Nancy Harel, eventually met and married an expat and worked her way up the corporate ladder, eventually establishing her own advertising and public relations agency.

Shortly after my aunt left for Manila, my mom got pregnant with me, and a hasty civil wedding followed. Raised as a devout Catholic, my mom’s conscience wouldn’t allow her to have a child outside marriage. She wanted the blessing of the Church but my dad set conditions for this. Their many differences caused them to argue a lot, and so the Church wedding that my mom so wanted never came to be.

Though my mom and dad had their differences, I remember having a happy childhood. My mom showered me with love from the day I was born. I remember when I was around two years old, my mom spent at least an hour a day teaching me how to read and write. She bought several teaching aids – books and records that helped me learn to read and write at the tender age of three. I went to school early and was two years younger than the rest of my class.

My mom would bring me along wherever she went whenever possible, and that led to my being teased and called a "mama’s boy." I resented this and it became a sore point in my relationship with my mom. In spite of my "rebelliousness," my mom continued to shower me with affection.

After a long stint with a hotel as sales director, my mom joined the family business. It was a small company, different from the glamorous work she was used to in advertising and in the hotel industry. Though it seemed she was like a fish out of water, she took every challenge to heart. It was a small construction business, but it afforded us a few luxuries. I remember asking my mom if she ever had regrets about not taking the post in Manila, and perhaps enjoying the more privileged lifestyle of my aunt. She said she had made her decision and had no regrets whatsoever. She was happy with her choice, though her life was not perfect. She found joy in being a mother to me. I realized that though my mom was driven, she was not materialistic. It was also then that I saw just how much a mother could love her child.

On the other hand, I had other priorities in life. I had aspirations of making it big either in a multinational company or as a respected doctor. I told myself that working for the family business would be the last thing I would ever do. Most of all, I felt that my mom’s love was stifling me. I wanted to be independent at the soonest possible time. So, at the age of 15, I went to Manila to study at my mom’s alma mater. It was tough for my mom to let me leave home so soon. In my first year, she was in Manila almost every month. In the succeeding years, she was there almost every other month. A more dedicated mother would be hard to find.

I eventually graduated and was faced with the tough decision of what to do with my life. My mom gave me a choice – work for the family business or join the corporate world. I was afraid of uncertainty and so I decided to work for the family despite the promise I made to myself that I would find success on my own.

It was a humbling experience when I started out in the family business. While my friends went on to have prestigious jobs in multinational companies, I started out as a project coordinator for our fledgling Cebu operations, doing tasks such as purchasing supplies and typing proposals. Though the business grew, I found myself becoming resentful of my situation. I wasn’t at the top of a big corporation and if the business did succeed, I could not entirely claim it as my personal triumph. I began to resent my mom for the situation I felt she had put me in and began to be spiteful in the way I treated her.

I realized, however, that I was meant to work for the family business and spend time with my parents, especially with my mom. A few years after I joined the family business, my mom got terminally ill. She was diagnosed with cancer and given little time to live. Love poured out from friends and family for my mom. My father finally gave my mom one of the things she wanted the most: that their union be blessed by the Church. Though she could barely walk at that time, she proudly marched down the aisle at my aunt’s Jewish home and said "I do" to the man she had spent the last 25 years with, in front of a priest. It was a bittersweet moment indeed. On her deathbed, my mom simply asked that my dad take care of me in her absence and treat me fairly. She also asked that I continue to take care of my cousin who was in her charge after her mom passed away. Even in the last moments of her life, my mom’s love for others shone through.

Looking back, I’ve come to understand and accept that success isn’t measured by the wealth you have accumulated or the recognition that you received in life. Success is having been able to love someone more than yourself and making a difference in that person’s life. Over the course of her life, my mom has made us appreciate the intensity and genuineness of her love. She has inspired me and others to be more compassionate toward and supportive of people, especially those we hold dear in our hearts. She inspired me to have faith in God and His love for us.