The lost art of listening

Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. – Greek philosopher Epictetus (55-135 B.C.)

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. – Nobel Prize-winning writer Ernest Hemingway

Imust confess that the Chinese food was the main reason I attended the August 24 celeb-ration of the 41st Singapore National Day at The Podium in Ortigas Center. The dinner was delectable, with buffets of Hokkien Chinese and Malay food. The affair was co-hosted by the Singapore Embassy led by Ambassador Lim Kheng Hua and The Podium mall led by SM Investments Corp. vice chairman Teresita "Tessie" T. Sy. The event was catered by Fuzion Smoothie Café and Rice Table Restaurant.

When I was preparing to go home after the dinner and speeches, the Yao Ming-like Singaporean diplomat Raymond Chow reminded me about the special screening of the Singaporean movie I Not Stupid Too. Although I can’t imagine an antiseptic high-tech financial hub like Singapore producing a fun movie, I decided to follow the VIP guests like Tessie Sy, SGV Group chairman Dave Balangue, the Israeli Ambassador and others up to the Podium Silver Screen Cinema.

I Not Stupid Too, directed by Jack Neo, is a well-crafted and immensely entertaining chopsuey of a comedy and heart-warming drama on the travails of kids and families in modern-day Singapore. The movie deftly explores the generation gap, dialogues between people not listening to each other, the lack of communication between elders and kids, between educators and students, juvenile delinquency, and the priceless wealth of family unity and traditional values.

The film is in Mandarin Chinese interspersed with some Hokkien, and has English subtitles. However, the lessons and pathos in this Singaporean movie are relevant to the millions of Filipino families separated from their spouses, parents or kids who are scattered worldwide among the eight million overseas Filipino workers (OFWs).

This film is also relevant to middle-class and well-off families in Philippine society, with not a few parents guilty of relegating their kids to yayas in pursuit of their career goals and money.

Tom (played by Ashley Leong) is a nine-year-old boy hopelessly trying to get his rich but busy parents (Jack Neo and Xiang Yun) to attend a school play in which he is the lead actor. Jerry (Shawn Lee), Tom’s older brother and an IT-savvy high school student, also has trouble communicating with his parents who often scold him. Jerry’s best friend and poorer classmate Cheng Cai (Joshua Ang) also can’t communicate and relate with his own father who is a crippled ex-convict (Huang Yi-Liang).

It is unfortunate this Singaporean movie might not be shown commercially in Philippine theaters, but I highly recommend it to all parents, educators and those who care about the youth and their family. Despite the proliferation of all sorts of modern communication gadgets and technologies, such as cell phones and the Internet, why does our world seem more fragmented?

I believe the following are important in developing the fine art of listening – have genuine emotional empathy; limit our talking (my weakness!); ignore distractions; take down notes; sometimes make a summary or paraphrase what the person is talking about; don’t interrupt a person; ask him or her to repeat some lines and occasionally ask questions; and listen with our ears, eyes, mind and heart.

How can we address the serious challenges of improving genuine communication between generations, among family members, and others through dialogue and by cultivating the fine (lost) art of listening? How can we remind ourselves and others that listening is powerful and almost magical in its impact on us and others, that listening is a powerful expression of love and respect?

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Reader Kenneth Duncan e-mailed to correct our recent column that Wang Jing Wei was president of another Japanese puppet regime in occupied China territories, but the Japanese puppet republic of Manchukuo had as leader ex-Emperor Pu Yi.

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