An open letter to all dads
June 18, 2006 | 12:00am
Dear Dads,
I remember my dad saying not so long ago (okay, I was five and with a very limited vocabulary) that he wished I would never grow up. He wished that I would stay as small and sweet as any preschooler could be. I found that wish quite bizarre since there was nothing more that I wanted than to be like my big sisters, who were always going to glamorous parties, and my pretty cousins with their cute boyfriends. Of course, the very thing that I wished for – the modern-day fairy tale – was the very thing that my dad feared.
I now understand why my dad wished that I would never grow up. It was not because he was being selfish or grandiose. Having his other daughters all grown-up, he saw that the one hard thing for a dad to accept with his daughters is for them to live a life that had him sitting on the bench. When I was growing up, he kept a stern eye on who (or rather what) I was dating.
Once, he caught me paying delivery pizza when my pseudo-boytoy of the month was hanging out in the ol’ ancestral home with his dirty sneakers on the couch. I was 15 and didn’t really even like the boy that much; it was only because everyone I knew had a boyfriend and I felt like I had to have one, too.
My dad banned me from seeing the boy ever again. "It starts with pizza and next thing you know you’ll be paying his mortgage," he scolded.
I thought he was nuts and of course I continued seeing the boy.
The best movie that I urge all dads to see is the ‘80s Tony Danza flick She’s Out of Control. It shows how a devoted dad deals with his little girl suddenly blossoming into a leg warmer-loving party girl. It’s hilarious, but I suspect the sudden transformation that happens in those tumultuous teenage years is the dread every dad feels when he cradles his newborn daughters for the first time. The fear that his little girl, whom he will protect and pamper, will turn against him and leave them for someone else (in the eyes of any dad, every guy is a scumbag).
But I’ll let you in on a little secret. Unless you’re a dad on the sex-offenders list or are insane beyond repair, your daughters will always scale every man in their lives after you. Even their friendships with the opposite sex will be affected by your relationship with your daughters. Estranged or not, your daughters will always pattern her personal relationships and view of men after your relationship with her.
I’m lucky to have my dad. He doesn’t talk much or do typical daddy things. He’s basically an autonomous being who keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself – except for shady pizza deliveries maybe. The older I got, the more he got detached. It was his way of letting go and save himself from the pain of seeing me live a life apart from what we had. Although we have weekly family dinners and movies, I knew that he was preparing himself to cut the umbilical cord as I grew up living a life with a career, friends he doesn’t know and, most especially, boys.
How hard it must be for a dad to do that, after years of doting on his daughter and protecting her, and suddenly he has to set her free into the wild. She will get hurt, even trampled on and there is nothing he can do about it. There will come a time when the daughter will tell him she can do something herself, but deep inside she’s only doing it to make her father feel proud of her.
Even when we say we don’t need you anymore, we always will. My deepest fear even if I live a life of independence is losing my daddy. I dream about it and think about it a lot. Playing scenarios that never fail to bring tears to my eyes. Even if we don’t really do much together these days, except for the routine family time, just seeing him brings so much love in my heart. The way little girls crush their daddies’ hearts (as Brad Pitt said), well, I guess it’s the same for little girls with their daddies.
My daddy crushes my heart with so much love, and despite everything I will always look back to check if he’s happy with what I’m doing, even if I wear a face that says: I don’t care. The same way daddies do everything for their little girls, little girls do everything for their daddies, too.
I remember my dad saying not so long ago (okay, I was five and with a very limited vocabulary) that he wished I would never grow up. He wished that I would stay as small and sweet as any preschooler could be. I found that wish quite bizarre since there was nothing more that I wanted than to be like my big sisters, who were always going to glamorous parties, and my pretty cousins with their cute boyfriends. Of course, the very thing that I wished for – the modern-day fairy tale – was the very thing that my dad feared.
I now understand why my dad wished that I would never grow up. It was not because he was being selfish or grandiose. Having his other daughters all grown-up, he saw that the one hard thing for a dad to accept with his daughters is for them to live a life that had him sitting on the bench. When I was growing up, he kept a stern eye on who (or rather what) I was dating.
Once, he caught me paying delivery pizza when my pseudo-boytoy of the month was hanging out in the ol’ ancestral home with his dirty sneakers on the couch. I was 15 and didn’t really even like the boy that much; it was only because everyone I knew had a boyfriend and I felt like I had to have one, too.
My dad banned me from seeing the boy ever again. "It starts with pizza and next thing you know you’ll be paying his mortgage," he scolded.
I thought he was nuts and of course I continued seeing the boy.
The best movie that I urge all dads to see is the ‘80s Tony Danza flick She’s Out of Control. It shows how a devoted dad deals with his little girl suddenly blossoming into a leg warmer-loving party girl. It’s hilarious, but I suspect the sudden transformation that happens in those tumultuous teenage years is the dread every dad feels when he cradles his newborn daughters for the first time. The fear that his little girl, whom he will protect and pamper, will turn against him and leave them for someone else (in the eyes of any dad, every guy is a scumbag).
But I’ll let you in on a little secret. Unless you’re a dad on the sex-offenders list or are insane beyond repair, your daughters will always scale every man in their lives after you. Even their friendships with the opposite sex will be affected by your relationship with your daughters. Estranged or not, your daughters will always pattern her personal relationships and view of men after your relationship with her.
I’m lucky to have my dad. He doesn’t talk much or do typical daddy things. He’s basically an autonomous being who keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself – except for shady pizza deliveries maybe. The older I got, the more he got detached. It was his way of letting go and save himself from the pain of seeing me live a life apart from what we had. Although we have weekly family dinners and movies, I knew that he was preparing himself to cut the umbilical cord as I grew up living a life with a career, friends he doesn’t know and, most especially, boys.
How hard it must be for a dad to do that, after years of doting on his daughter and protecting her, and suddenly he has to set her free into the wild. She will get hurt, even trampled on and there is nothing he can do about it. There will come a time when the daughter will tell him she can do something herself, but deep inside she’s only doing it to make her father feel proud of her.
Even when we say we don’t need you anymore, we always will. My deepest fear even if I live a life of independence is losing my daddy. I dream about it and think about it a lot. Playing scenarios that never fail to bring tears to my eyes. Even if we don’t really do much together these days, except for the routine family time, just seeing him brings so much love in my heart. The way little girls crush their daddies’ hearts (as Brad Pitt said), well, I guess it’s the same for little girls with their daddies.
My daddy crushes my heart with so much love, and despite everything I will always look back to check if he’s happy with what I’m doing, even if I wear a face that says: I don’t care. The same way daddies do everything for their little girls, little girls do everything for their daddies, too.
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