The cults of Sto. Nino Superstar & Kuya Germs

It’s Holy Week once again and while it seems more appropriate to write about the lenten rituals on offer for religious tourists, I’d rather delve into something more divine, mas banal. The cult of the Sto. Niño Superstar is as unsurprisingly remarkable as the theory that Kuya Germs might be an agent of the devil.

Despite their differences in age, pedigree and bone structure, both Sto. Niño and Kuya Germs share a penchant for the kitsch and supernatural. Both are postmodern creatures of cosmetics and camp: The androgynous and archaic face, the baroque wardrobe and the affected rituals. Both also command a legion of devotees: One of the spiritual kind, the other the carnivalesque. Or is there a difference? The lighting and costume designers seem to agree, there’s not.

Last Jan. 29, I went to the PNB Center on Roxas Blvd. to view the Sto. Niño exhibition. It was a visual feast, like going to an eat-all-you-can restaurant on an empty stomach. I haven’t seen that many incarnations of the Infant Jesus: Baby Jesus, black Jesus, basketball player Jesus – the looks were endless yet all equally enticing. My faith gets renewed every time I behold such pageantry.

About two weeks ago, a friend of mine who plays guitar for a grind core metal band gave me a copy of this untitled fanzine which contains an article positing the probability that our beloved German Moreno might actually be batting for the other team.

Consider the two points raised: First, Kuya Germs does the devil horns signs. No one really used this sign back then apart from metal bands, their fans and, yes, Kuya Germs. The master showman flashed the unholy sign every time he signaled for a commercial break. Is he a wise man warning us of the evils of advertising or is he in fact hypnotizing us with the dirty sign and the ultra-shiny suit?

Second, Kuya Germs is almost eternal and omnipresent, like static in the idiot box once the station has signed off. Okay, so, gone are his Sunday noontime show and the daily late afternoon teeny musical That’s Entertainment, but he had a much bigger plan for Christian domination. Kuya Germs instead targeted the late Saturday evening time slot. Why? Because next day is Sunday, and what better strategy to brainwash Filipino, Catholic showbiz minds than making us miss going to church on early Sunday mornings by forcing us to stay up late watching his infernal show the night before?

For good or bad, the Sto. Niño and Kuya Germs symbolize our faith and fascination with saints and superstars. Who will you be devoted to this Holy Week?