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So what if my English sounds funny? | Philstar.com
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Sunday Lifestyle

So what if my English sounds funny?

- Mary Ann Quioc Tayag -
I thought you were of European extraction," he said. "Ugh, I only use extraction for kalamansi." I thought he was referring to the kalamansi in the taba ng talangka that I served him. "You fool," my know-it-all hubby said, "Extraction also means origin or descent." "Ugh, sorry. I am fure kafamfangan by hextraction then."

Ya, I know my story sounds unbelievable. How can I be mistaken for a European with my brown skin and Asian nose? And besides, I am very proud to be Pinay. But envious Claude who has fair skin, brown eyes and lighter hair than me is Pinoy na Pinoy to our American guest from New Jersey. "You see, he must have thought you worked for me with your unsophisticated demeanor and your ragged look, (mukhang basahan) shorts," I teased him. Could it be the way I talk? "He must have thought I was of French extraction with my problem with "H."

If a Caucasian says "I am appy to meet you," he is most likely a Frenchman or a Kapampangan-dyed blond. And if he says filet with the T pronounced, he is either an Aussie or a Brit. In Hong Kong, their big shopping mall is called The Mall, pronounced the mal as in animal.

A nice tidbit becomes a splendid titbit when it reaches London. Bin Laden is a big headache to the Americans while to the English, Bin Laden is nothing but a trash can full of rubbish. American kids see mummies only on Halloween, while the English kids have their loving mummies every day. What an American calls a toilet is a loo to a Brit; for indeed it must have the bloody bathtub to be a bathroom.

To salvage means to save or rescue but in the Philippine context, salvage means a summary execution – which is almost the exact opposite of what it really means. But the Brits and Filipinos use the same word to mean nonsense or rubbish. We say bulok and they say bollocks. (I can only imagine how it started that they also call testicles "bollocks"). But if an Aussie says he is bollocky, don’t think he smells rotten; he is simply naked.

In Hong Kong, I worked for an airline with 15 different nationalities and learned to appreciate the different ways English is spoken and the accents. Once I was excitedly narrating my experience on my Rome flight. I had their full attention and doing well until I said "I was disoriented," "Come again?" my boss said. "I was disoriented," I repeated. He looked puzzled. "You know dis orient," I said. "Ya, this is the Orient." "No," I said, "I mean confused and lost in direction." "Oh, you mean disorientated." "This time I insisted I could not be wrong. They found an Oxford dictionary and I pulled out my Webster. Of course, we all discovered that we were all correct, but only more disoriented, I guess.

One evening, we arrived in Manila from Hong Kong. "It’s brownout," said a Filipina. "What’s a brownout?" asked the Australian. "It means there’s a power shortage," I answered. "Isn’t that blackout?" joined in the American. "I thought blackout is to pass out," said the Korean. I explained that we say brownout when the power shortage lasts for a short time and say blackout for a longer power interruption. The ever time conscious Japanese then asked "How long does it take before the brownout becomes blackout, then?" I had no answer.

I enjoyed reading, finding facts, and making recommendations to answer passengers’ comment letters while I worked in the airline. Once, a passenger wrote saying a Thai crewmember called him stupid when he was putting his hand carry in the overhead locker. What the crew member actually said was "It won’t fit there, it’s too big, it’s too big," And what the passenger heard was "It won’t fit there, stupid stupid."

The Japanese have a problem with their L’s and R’s. The Hong Kong Chinese have a habit of putting the sound er at the end of vowel "a." "I have an ideaer." "Are you going to Manilaer or Jakartaer?" Singaporeans use "lah" at the end of almost every sentence. We used to have a joke that all Singaporeans resign to take up law. Because each time they are asked why they are resigning, the answer is almost always brief, "Study lah." The Thai pronounce v like w, ts like ch and q is something else.

Indonesian English sounds like a local dialect with English words. Filipinos pronounce long "a" like "u," which we inherited from the Spaniards. As in bank, bag and back. Like our salvage, this can be a dangerous thing. Oh, they cringe when Filipinos say, "As a matter of fact." During the open dialogue, when crewmembers went on a strike, one Filipina stood up and said aloud "Sack Mr. X," "Sack Mr. X." Mr. X’s white face turned beet red. Many looked "disorientated." "What is she saying?" a colleague asked me in fear. "Sack, I said. SACK." And they thought she said "suck." Quickly someone whispered what she said to Mr. X who was instantly relieved.

Well, that is life. English is not our mother tongue. Asians may speak and sound funny to them but that is because we speak one more language than English speakers do. So, one should never be ashamed of one’s accent.

I received these hints from a British teacher who taught 10 Asian nationals how to read the French menu, served in first class. He probably realized we should first master English words before we even aspire to learn French.

BIN LADEN

BUT THE BRITS AND FILIPINOS

ENGLISH

FILIPINA

HONG KONG

HONG KONG CHINESE

IN HONG KONG

INDONESIAN ENGLISH

MR. X

NEW JERSEY

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