Angeli & Gary V: How to keep the music playing

Gary V – yes, V as in victory. For one, victory over his bruising battle with juvenile diabetes the past 26 years. For another, there are the platinum awards he’s hoarded over the years, the 21 albums and countless concerts he’s done here and abroad.

Gary Valenciano can’t be thankful enough. And Mr. Pure Energy is going all out to show it via a thanksgiving concert on Aug. 6 aptly titled "Gary V ... Thankful."

Among other things, the thanksgiving concert also marks Gary’s 40th birthday as well as his and wife Angeli’s 20th wedding anniversary. In this concert, Gary V fans can expect something old and something new (but nothing borrowed or blue, for sure) from Gary who collaborates with Mon Faustino, his musical director of 15 years. (Tickets are available at Ticketnet or at the Genesis office with tel. no. 725-1937.)

"I have so much to thank God for," Gary gushes. Of course, on top of Gary’s kilometric list is his lovely family – wife Angeli, former Music and Magic singer and Camay model, and their three kids Paolo, 19, Gabriel, 16, and Kiana, 11, who are all following in their dad’s footsteps – make that dance steps. Paolo is making a name for himself as a stage/TV actor. Gabriel, Gary’s clone, is starting to arrange songs like his father. As for little Kiana, hers may be the only female voice in the brood, but what a voice it is! Kiana was only six when she won as best recording artist for Once Again It’s Christmas.

Let’s hear it from the Valencianos. Excerpts from the STAR interview:

You’ve been married for 20 years, which is rather long by showbiz standards. What’s the secret?

ANGELI PANGILINAN-VALENCIANO: God and the Bible. He is the reason we are together today. He has seen us through the roller-coaster ride that our marriage has been. For us, the word of God is the standard and benchmark for who is right and who is wrong in a situation. Teachings like "Do not let the sun go down in anger," "Forgive one another," "Turn the other cheek," etc. have kept our marriage intact. It is also important not to set expectations. You cannot change your husband. Only God can.  So, do not try to mold him into the husband you want him to be. You will only have unmet expectations. You must allow God to mold him into the man He created him to be. That perspective is so critical in keeping a marriage together.

GARY VALENCIANO: To be honest with you, to live with a person like myself isn’t the easiest thing to do. Being an artist, I can get to be very temperamental at times. Being diabetic is another issue that at times brings out the worst in me. I believe that if we didn’t anchor our marriage on the One whom we stood in front of as we exchanged our marriage vows, I don’t think we’d be together now.

What has been your worst fight and how bad did it get?

Angeli:  We’ve had quite a few.  Once, I was leaving for Korea with Lou Bonnevie and I got mad because he did something wrong (which I don’t want to talk about anymore).  The funny thing is I had written the lyrics of Sana Maulit Muli the day before and he was going to record it that night. He brought me to the airport, but I didn’t talk to him the whole time.  He was so miserable.  When he recorded Sana Maulit Muli (awarded Best Movie Theme Song, from Gary’s movie with Vilma Santos Ibulong Mo Sa Diyos), he was really heartbroken because I threatened to leave him. Well, I forgave him anyway. We had just renewed our relationship with the Lord so I was able to let it pass. 1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love keeps no record of wrongs." Whew ! That’s hard to obey!

GARY: Oh yes. There have been real battles that would have given The Battle of Midway a run for its money. You see, there’s a side to Angeli that not many people know. She can be stern in her convictions because she’s always had a heart that cares more for others than itself. In this family, she’s the heartbeat. It is when I hurt this heart with something I may have done or said that the fight becomes very deep and painful.

Was there ever a time when you thought of splitting up?

Angeli: A number of times in the ’90s.  The pressure of media calling us all kinds of things, making fun of our Christianity, calling me all kinds of negative names caught us offguard.  We made it affect our marriage.  But when I think of the diabetes, I change my mind because I know that Gary needs me as much as I need him.

Gary: Yes, there were times when she’d think of leaving for awhile but then again, people deeply hurt say things they may not necessarily mean. I know I have a long way to go to become the husband I was meant to be. But I am blessed that I have this journey to share with her and that she has chosen to join me.

How do you kiss and make up?

Angeli: First, we ask forgiveness from each other. Normally, Gary is the first (of course, when it’s his fault) to ask forgiveness. At times, I want to wallow in my anger and tampo first, which is natural but obviously wrong.  It’s easier for him to say sorry. Then we normally pray, then we talk about it and then we say "I love you."

Gary : We talk, we cry and we pray. Though some wounds may not heal as easily as others, after a good time of prayer, we can be sure that God will take care of everything else that concerns us as a couple. In the end, just before we go on with our daily routines, we assure each other with the simplest yet most meaningful three words anyone can give and receive: "I love you."

Do you still go out on dates? How important is this for married couples?

Angeli: Not as often as we should. Sometimes we date ... at home. Paolo sleeps in our townhouse at Valle Verde 6 where my sister stays temporarily as well while she builds her home. So he is rarely home, except on Sundays and Saturdays (or when we have oysters, crabs and lobsters). Gabriel goes to Alabang where most of his gang, the family of Martin Nievera and members of our church New Life, live. Kiana sleeps in her cousins’ house (my sister Felichi’s house) now and then. So sometimes, Gary and I are alone in the house and we watch movies or just talk. We love to talk. He calls me his best friend.  But if we date, people always ask Gary for photos and autographs so it is so tough for us to have privacy. We love it when we are abroad and he drives with me alone. We giggle and clown around a lot.

Gary: That’s one thing I feel we should do more of. The problem kasi here is that when we go to a bar, or lounge, it usually ends up with me performing when many times I just want to enjoy the moment with her. My ideal dream time with her is to take her on a cruise. I can see us just being husband and wife with no concerns of who may be around us. I do think it’s important that couples do this because it builds memories and I, for one, think it can strengthen the relationship. As a couple, it’s always nice to discover new places, new events and new friends.

Angeli: Romance should never leave the marriage. It’s so important for a couple to be romantic, to dress up for each other now and then, to hold hands, to hug, to talk for four hours, and to relax. I love watching movies with Gary – he eats popcorn with a diet drink and we just enjoy each other’s company.  It’s great to be your husband’s best friend.

How do you keep the music playing?

Angeli: Literally through music. We share a common love for music. I have been his creative partner for 21 years now and I feed him concepts for albums like "Revive," "At The Movies," "Beyond Words" etc, concerts, projects, and all and, through the many successful collaborations, we have learned to appreciate each other. He learns to appreciate my ideas and I marvel at the gifts that God has given him. I am honored and privileged to be married to such a gifted yet humble man. Spiritually, we have grown together through our mistakes, trials, victories, and our common love for Jesus has kept us praying, reading the bible, and striving to be the best He created us to be. I read Proverbs 31 to remind me of my role as a wife. We pray about everything. So, when your marriage goes beyond the initial honeymoon physical stages, the only way to sustain it is through the Spirit, through seeing your spouse with God’s eyes. And everything else follows.

Gary: We try not to forget what we have in each other. We pray together, as in hand in hand, verbalizing our faults, our desires, our thankfulness. We see what we’ve been blessed with – in our case, we have Paolo, Gabriel and Kiana. We never fail to tell each other that we love each other. I still need to make her more of the music in my heart. After 20 years, there’s still so much to learn about her. She’s a song that never grows old.

Do you shower each other with gifts?  What have been the most memorable gifts?

Angeli:  He gave me a car for Christmas. That was so sweet! I could live with an old car. He knows that. One Valentine’s Day, he bought dozens of roses and filled the house with petals and candles and gave me a dinner in the verandah. Sometimes, it’s his cards that I look forward to.  I love flowers and he knows that so he always sends me flowers. We also give each other simple presents now and then.  Gary is the least materialistic person I have ever met in the world! Money never has been his primary reason for performing or working.  Sometimes, I have to remind him he has three children and 100 dependents to feed.

What kind of strain has Gary’s being a diabetic posed on your marriage?

Angeli: The strain is on my personal desires and personal goals. Because I monitor him like a nurse while he sleeps, I am almost always puyat. I get very tired checking on him because he forgets his insulin schedule sometimes. I look forward to the day when he could install an insulin pump. I heard it lessens the need for monitoring at night. Insulin intakes require regular meal patterns.  Any deviation from that causes hypoglycemia, which is extremely dangerous as it can lead to a coma, or hyperglycemia, which turns his temper to high voltage. The diabetes has only strengthened our relationship because I have been his nurse for 20 years now.  Administering first aid through glucose tubes when he did not wake up for 30 minutes at 4:30 a.m. about five years ago was the worst attack I’ve experienced with him. I kept thinking of his family, the fans. What if I could not revive him?  I tried to be cool then, and with prayers and presence of mind, we both pulled through.  But when Gary has a high sugar count, it causes so much pain and stress to the family because Gary has a major difficulty controlling his temper.

How has Gary’s condition changed you as a person?

Angeli: It has made me realize how precious life is.  It has kept my knees on the ground and made me trust completely in God.   I have never been so thankful in my life for the little things. I also have become very strong as a person. To witness a diabetic go through an attack when you are alone most of the time with him will strengthen a person. His life literally is in your hands at that moment ... and I have decided to just let go and let God.  I have totally entrusted Gary’s health in God’s care as hindi ko kaya. It has taught me to be selfless. The world used to revolve around me and my siblings, parties and clothes. But with Gary’s condition, the world now revolves around what will make him happy, what will ease his awful burden, what will make his work environment more professional yet enjoyable. I eat what he eats. I have become more patient. I have almost given up my nightlife and going out because I am always concerned about him sleeping alone. I have also become more considerate, more understanding and more thoughtful of his needs and others’ as well.

Do you make allowances for his mood swings when he has an attack?

ANGELI: If the spouse does not make allowances for mood swings, separation or divorce is a high probability.  Sometimes, I forget that he could be having hyperglycemia or high sugar so I argue with him, then I realize oh no! Many times, I just bite my lip and leave the room.  It is very, very tough as it is physiological so I really have to control my temper, too. I ease his pressure at times by telling him good news.

Do you personally prepare his food or come up with a menu for the week?

Angeli: Not for the week. I make combinations and prepare menus for his meals and show them to the cook. I know how to cook, but I have no time. I prefer fixing the house to de-stress or for therapy. I buy his snacks and drinks many times as the household help do not really buy his favorite snacks that are okay for him to take ... simple joys like butong pakwan, squash seeds make Gary happy.

Does Gary sneak behind your back to eat sweets?

Angeli:  Gary’s problem is when his sugar is low, he has the tendency to take a little too much fruit, or sweet stuff.  But on a normal period, Gary would rarely cheat behind my back. If he cheats, he cheats himself as it is life that he is playing around with. But he is so disciplined, I am so proud of him. He should be given a medal of honor for his victory over a severe disease like juvenile diabetes.

Is everybody in the family on low-sugar diet?

Angeli: I wish! Gab loves sweets. But they have to eat whatever Gary eats from meals taken in the house. Whatever is on the table, they have to eat.  And the dishes that are prepared for regular meals are always diabetic-friendly. No sauces. No sugars. No cakes. Very little pork. Salads, vegetables, soups, chicken and fish.

Gary has overcome his illness. Does being diabetic get easier or harder over time? How does he keep fit?

Angeli: Gary loves to play basketball with his sons at home. He built a half court for Gabriel who is part of the La Salle Greenhills basketball community. He also works out once in a while.

Gary: I go mountain biking at least two times a week, then I have concerts that serve as a good workout, too. Diabetes has gotten a little more difficult to control due to the slowing down of my metabolism. It hasn’t really slowed down much, but my appetite needs to change a bit because I am not burning calories as fast as I used to.

Did any of your children inherit Gary’s diabetes? Was that a fear when your kids were newborns?

Angeli: I was never afraid. My confidence is in the promises in the word of God. By God’s mercy and grace, none of the children have diabetes.

Gary: None of my kids have it. And you know what? None of them will ever have it. I’ve prayed about this many times. And I believe in the words of the Almighty ... "Ask and it shall be given ... "

Yes, it was a fear for some time, but Angeli always reminds me that all we need to do is ask, trust and obey. Now, I don’t fear, but I always remind my kids to take care of themselves.

Does being Gary’s manager get in the way of  your relationship as husband and wife? Who wears the pants at home? Who’s the boss?

Angeli: No question about that. Gary is the boss in the house.  They call him "Bosing."  No one messes around with Sir Gary or "Papa."

Gary:  I am the man of the house. But I do know what my wife’s gifts and strengths are. And because she is an excellent manager, I am not ashamed to come to her when an issue has to do with organizational matters, or taxes, or even planning for the children’s future.

Who holds the purse? What eats up the biggest chunk of the family budget?

Angeli: The wife holds the purse. At home, food and staff.  We have to pay for a huge staff like security, production personnel, etc.  We heavily invest in Gary’s productions.  By God’s grace, Gary co-owns all of his recording catalogues and concerts as well as his compositions since 1986. We planned that for royalty income.  So a huge chunk of Gary’s corporate income is used to invest in equipment, music software and productions.

Gary: She holds the purse because if I held it, we’d probably have nothing left ... hehehe. Not because I’d use it all up, but I’d probably lose it somewhere through some wrong transaction or something. I guess I eat up most of the family budget. I am an entertainer so I have to invest in concert outfits and recording equipment, and musical instruments.

What do you like doing as a family?

Angeli:  Travel. We are free when we are abroad. We can go to the mall, the grocery and the movies like ordinary people. No autograph-seekers or fans to run after you. It’s just that the kids are quite older now so it’s much harder to control their schedules. We love the fans, but sometimes, we want to be normal, too. Gary and the chidlren love the amusement parks. I have scoliosis and metal rods on my spine so I can’t ride those awful rides. We also love to clown around. Gary is the funniest comedian you’d ever meet.  The kids adore him. He is the replica of Jim Carrey and Robin Williams. So when we fool around in the house, it’s a riot. The boys wear wigs and dance and play. It is so much fun!

Gary: We love going to the beach, the kids and I love watching videos. We love eating out on Sundays after church. We love traveling to other countries together. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to. I really miss those times.

With both of you quite busy, how much time do you spend with your children?

Angeli: Believe it or not, we say no to nine out of 10 invitations. There are just too many. We may seem quite busy, but we do make time for the children. Gary and I rarely attend parties or socials. He spends time watching films with the kids, biking or bowling with Paolo, playing basketball with Gab, bringing Kiana to school. He even tutors Kiana now and then. He is a wonderful father. With Paolo and Gab, I talk about how to treat girls and girls and girls. I try to teach them manners and proper grooming. Daily, I spend most mornings doing devotionals, chatting with Kiana, who goes to afternoon school at Learning Tree in Quezon City.  Recently, we have been studying the Book of Acts so she will understand how the apostles lived after Jesus rose to heaven. She’s enjoying it! Afternoons till about 8 p.m., I go to the office and have meetings. Saturdays, the boys visit friends, play sports, while Kiana stays home with me and plays with her cousins. Sunday mornings, Kiana and I stay in bed, laze around, watch cartoons, then we watch ASAP.  We go to church as a family at 5:30 p.m on Sundays and eat out normally for dinner.   Gary: Paolo is 19 now and he’s in DLSU, he’s a grown boy now. I try to get him to bike with me on Saturday mornings. It looks like we’ll be doing that more often. He comes to the house every once in a while during the week and that’s when we get to talk about anything and everything, from love to life to God. My time with Gab is usually spent either on stage in a concert or the better times that we spend while I’m up in his room talking to him about the Word of God. I am so encouraged because he really gets into it. Kiana is the one who sleeps the latest because her classes start in the afternoon. So sometimes she stays with me in the music room, then we go up and if her mom is not around, I give her some devotional on the Word of God. We have a book specifically for fathers and daughters. Nice no?

If your child came up to you and told you he wanted to be an actor/singer, what would you tell him?

Gary: They already have. At least Paolo and Gab have, at one time or another, expressed their desire to join a band or to act on stage.

My parents didn’t stop me from doing all this. I can’t stop them either, but I would ask them to let me help them through it all. Showbiz is not a world that is friendly all the time. It can get tough, dirty, unfair and tiring. That’s why I try to equip them with what they need to face the world.

How does it feel being parents of teens?

Angeli:  I miss my boys! They are normal teenagers who want to be with their friends. I love it. I talk to them about life. It is so wonderful to have a connection with your teen sons. But, this is molding time, teaching time, budget time ... it’s the period where one needs to mentor and prepare one’s kids for adult life.  It is no joke. It is the parent who makes or breaks a kid.

Gary: For me, it’s an honor to have been given the opportunity to help raise the youth of today. There has never been a generation as energetic, as mentally alert, as physically strong as this generation of youth. What a great task!

Some people observe you haven’t really changed your style or musically evolved. What do you say to that?

Gary: Hmmm ... I’m thinking, maybe they haven’t seen a show of mine recently. But I understand how they feel. You know, I do have a whole bunch of songs just waiting to be finished. It’s hard kasi when you as an artist, you wanna try something new, but then parang you’re the only one who ends up liking it. These are songs you’d never expect Gary V to come out with. Maybe someday, I’ll release them. I’m not the kind of artist who tries to sound like what’s being played out there now for the sake of just riding the bandwagon. I promise someday you’ll hear them, but you wouldn’t even know it’s me.

What legacy would you like to leave your kids?

Angeli: I would love to see them walk in the ways of the Lord as we have tried to teach them, as we, their parents, made many mistakes and yet were able to pick ourselves up and continue the journey of life. I would love them to continue the mission of their parents which really is to make a positive impact on media (through music, films and television) for the gospel without compromising principles and values. I would want them to focus on this goal because life is too short and Gary and I have always tried to live for eternal purposes, which is difficult in this worldly business we are in.  The challenge for creative people (and our three kids are very creative) is how to exist in a world of compromise and excess and yet achieve greatness and approval in God’s eyes alone. We pray that they would carry the baton that Gary and I will pass on to them without dropping it or falling down.

What legacy would you like to leave Philippine showbiz?

Gary: I would want to be known as one who, in many ways, went against the norm to reach the very core of every listener. I also want the industry to know that mediocrity is not something we can be proud of as Filipinos were created to be excellent artists, musicians, singers, composers, actors. May my music live on in their hearts, changing lives and mending broken vessels that God alone can make whole.  May my passion for quality and professionalism be passed on to the younger generation and be the lifeblood in their veins. One has to have a vision. Focus on that vision and never allow obstacles or adversity to snatch that vision away.