The perfect mother
May 9, 2004 | 12:00am
Would we trade her for the mother we know or is she a fictional one that only exists in our wish list? When I interviewed various people from different age groups, I came up with the following profiles:
1) The "epoch" or "period" mother
You called her "Ima" or "Nanay."
She stored her diploma and stayed home to fuss over the stove and fed you home-cooked meals. She was your first teacher.
She read books and kept vigil when you burned with fever but she kept her thoughts to herself including her worries and feelings. She believed that children were better seen than heard.
Her greatest joy was teaching you to trust in a Supreme Being not forgetting her filial devotion to the Virgin Mother. She nurtured her love for classical music and made you take piano lessons and learn other musical instruments. She nixed any form of art that exposed your extremities. She embroidered, crocheted, knitted, quilted, cross-stitched and indulged in the fine art of needlework.
She believed in laying down house rules, foremost of which was supervised dating and courtship. When you asked permission, she passed on the decision to your father who immediately passed it back to her. She grew a "third" eye at the back of her head so no secret stayed a secret for long. She’d hit the roof if you were caught embellishing the truth.
Sex was a topic that was never discussed in public or in private. When you wept because of a pain in your heart, she didn’t comfort you but left you to nurse your own wounds. She was, however, down on her knees, praying.
She cheered and lined her walls with certificates and plaques that honored your achievements. When life dealt you a hard hand, she trembled with fear but stayed calm to give you strength. She never dwelled on your mistakes but emphasized the goodness in you. She was one of the vanishing believers in the sanctity of marriage, the last of the living martyrs.
You were her whole world.
2) The "swinging" mama
You called her by her first name or momsy.
She frolicked, danced, jumped, rolled and played with you. She was the first actress who stirred your fantasy as she role-played all the nursery rhymes and fairy tales that kept you mesmerized and enthralled.
She believed in early social interaction so she packed you off to school even before you were ready to recognize your alphabet. She was confident that she could tackle both family and career and set out to prove it.
She left you with a mother-substitute knowing that you would instinctively run back to her when crunch time came. She listened and answered all your puzzling questions about the birds and the bees including the stork that made the final delivery.
She didn’t hesitate to slug it out with that bully in school but not without first teaching you her deadly karate chop. She loved the big mess in the kitchen you both made in burning the roast and scorching the pans. She was a firm believer in junk food and didn’t hesitate to binge. She drove like the wind and emerged high and unscathed.
She didn’t stop you from sowing your wild oats but reminded you never to tempt fate. When love died, she snapped you back to reality ("It was great while it lasted, right?"). She believed that marriage was a two-way contract. If one party reneged, it was time to move on and void it. She was there through thick and thin, fair and foul weather.
When you gave her grandchildren, she had fun with them. She also knew when to step aside and not take over the awesome responsibility. She relished being a grandmother but wouldn’t be caught dead looking like one.
3) The master sergeant
You called her "ma’am."
To her you were a diamond in the rough needing constant buffing and polishing. She trained you in the rudiments of personal grooming, hygiene and discipline. She never showed her emotions; only her image as a firm and un-moving authority.
She wanted you to develop a tough personality that would fight for the weak and the helpless. She instilled the importance of integrity and honesty and wouldn’t hesitate to use the rod to drive her point.
She smiled in private but preferred to be greeted with a salute or a buzz on the forehead. She never apologized for her mistakes but she kept score and made amends unceremoniously.
She wrapped her insecurities in a blanket of rigidity. It would take a child wise and mature beyond his age to see the gentleness behind her brick façade. She meant well but had difficulty understanding the words let go.
4) The "cyber-chic" mother
You called her "Yo-mom."
She refused sedatives and other kinds of substance to give birth to you. She believed in going back to basics by breastfeeding you as long as she can. She announced your arrival through the Internet, tying up the line to download your photos.
She was an advocate of everything natural and organic, thus, her pantry was salt-, sugar-, fat-, and preservatives-free. She believed in keeping fit through mind and body aerobics. She shared with you the innate beauty of another mother (Mother Earth) and taught you to love and preserve her wide domain.
She exposed you to different cultures, races and religions so you can become a citizen of the world and not just your country of birth.
She too was in search of the perfect mate... for you.
She believed in life and vowed to live long enough to make a difference.
It looks like we will have to dip our fingers into every pie to come out in the likeness of the perfect mother.
Until the day that one comes along, I’d rather stay with the one who made and gave me a home.
It was very touching to receive letters from readers on the tribute I paid to my mother last April 25 ("Role Reversal").
One reader wrote, "Your article made me cry as I remembered my own mother. It was not so much the feeling of guilt over some long-forgotten incident where I felt I should have shown more tolerance and understanding but the feeling of loss and emptiness at losing her – the most important woman in my life."
Spare yourself the anguish of spending the rest of your life regretting the wasted time and lost opportunity. Honor and love your mother now while you still can.
Oh, and try not to break her heart.
1) The "epoch" or "period" mother
You called her "Ima" or "Nanay."
She stored her diploma and stayed home to fuss over the stove and fed you home-cooked meals. She was your first teacher.
She read books and kept vigil when you burned with fever but she kept her thoughts to herself including her worries and feelings. She believed that children were better seen than heard.
Her greatest joy was teaching you to trust in a Supreme Being not forgetting her filial devotion to the Virgin Mother. She nurtured her love for classical music and made you take piano lessons and learn other musical instruments. She nixed any form of art that exposed your extremities. She embroidered, crocheted, knitted, quilted, cross-stitched and indulged in the fine art of needlework.
She believed in laying down house rules, foremost of which was supervised dating and courtship. When you asked permission, she passed on the decision to your father who immediately passed it back to her. She grew a "third" eye at the back of her head so no secret stayed a secret for long. She’d hit the roof if you were caught embellishing the truth.
Sex was a topic that was never discussed in public or in private. When you wept because of a pain in your heart, she didn’t comfort you but left you to nurse your own wounds. She was, however, down on her knees, praying.
She cheered and lined her walls with certificates and plaques that honored your achievements. When life dealt you a hard hand, she trembled with fear but stayed calm to give you strength. She never dwelled on your mistakes but emphasized the goodness in you. She was one of the vanishing believers in the sanctity of marriage, the last of the living martyrs.
You were her whole world.
2) The "swinging" mama
You called her by her first name or momsy.
She frolicked, danced, jumped, rolled and played with you. She was the first actress who stirred your fantasy as she role-played all the nursery rhymes and fairy tales that kept you mesmerized and enthralled.
She believed in early social interaction so she packed you off to school even before you were ready to recognize your alphabet. She was confident that she could tackle both family and career and set out to prove it.
She left you with a mother-substitute knowing that you would instinctively run back to her when crunch time came. She listened and answered all your puzzling questions about the birds and the bees including the stork that made the final delivery.
She didn’t hesitate to slug it out with that bully in school but not without first teaching you her deadly karate chop. She loved the big mess in the kitchen you both made in burning the roast and scorching the pans. She was a firm believer in junk food and didn’t hesitate to binge. She drove like the wind and emerged high and unscathed.
She didn’t stop you from sowing your wild oats but reminded you never to tempt fate. When love died, she snapped you back to reality ("It was great while it lasted, right?"). She believed that marriage was a two-way contract. If one party reneged, it was time to move on and void it. She was there through thick and thin, fair and foul weather.
When you gave her grandchildren, she had fun with them. She also knew when to step aside and not take over the awesome responsibility. She relished being a grandmother but wouldn’t be caught dead looking like one.
3) The master sergeant
You called her "ma’am."
To her you were a diamond in the rough needing constant buffing and polishing. She trained you in the rudiments of personal grooming, hygiene and discipline. She never showed her emotions; only her image as a firm and un-moving authority.
She wanted you to develop a tough personality that would fight for the weak and the helpless. She instilled the importance of integrity and honesty and wouldn’t hesitate to use the rod to drive her point.
She smiled in private but preferred to be greeted with a salute or a buzz on the forehead. She never apologized for her mistakes but she kept score and made amends unceremoniously.
She wrapped her insecurities in a blanket of rigidity. It would take a child wise and mature beyond his age to see the gentleness behind her brick façade. She meant well but had difficulty understanding the words let go.
4) The "cyber-chic" mother
You called her "Yo-mom."
She refused sedatives and other kinds of substance to give birth to you. She believed in going back to basics by breastfeeding you as long as she can. She announced your arrival through the Internet, tying up the line to download your photos.
She was an advocate of everything natural and organic, thus, her pantry was salt-, sugar-, fat-, and preservatives-free. She believed in keeping fit through mind and body aerobics. She shared with you the innate beauty of another mother (Mother Earth) and taught you to love and preserve her wide domain.
She exposed you to different cultures, races and religions so you can become a citizen of the world and not just your country of birth.
She too was in search of the perfect mate... for you.
She believed in life and vowed to live long enough to make a difference.
It looks like we will have to dip our fingers into every pie to come out in the likeness of the perfect mother.
Until the day that one comes along, I’d rather stay with the one who made and gave me a home.
One reader wrote, "Your article made me cry as I remembered my own mother. It was not so much the feeling of guilt over some long-forgotten incident where I felt I should have shown more tolerance and understanding but the feeling of loss and emptiness at losing her – the most important woman in my life."
Spare yourself the anguish of spending the rest of your life regretting the wasted time and lost opportunity. Honor and love your mother now while you still can.
Oh, and try not to break her heart.
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