Nothing ages a man faster than trying to prove he’s still as young as ever (and other realities about men)

Having talked about women last week, let me share excerpts from Frank Padilla’s (of Couples for Christ) tiny book on women, Females are Weird, which also quotes biblical verses to suit his purpose of candidly describing women. He discusses how little men understand women, how ambivalent men are as to who or what a woman really is, how men continue to be confused even now. Women, he says, are weird but fabulous. She is lovable but can be exasperating. She is a friend and a foe. She can be a pure turtledove or a deadly tarantula. "So what are we to do? Love them or leave them?" he asks.

Since man’s wisdom with regard to women has failed him through the ages, we need to turn to God’s wisdom for our answer. And what does God say? "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." (Gen 1: 18). And who or what would be such a partner? In the Garden of Eden, where God had settled the man he created, God considered various wild animals and various birds, but none proved to be suitable. Then God created woman out of one of man’s ribs, and when presented to the man, the man himself proclaimed that she is the suitable partner.

Hey, that is putting it too mildly. Actually, the Bible tells us that the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (Gen 2:23). I can picture the scene. Though still a bit dazed from the deep sleep God cast on him, and a bit weakened by the removal of one of his ribs, when God presented her to him, he jumped up to his feet, his eyes almost blown out of their sockets, he was panting and snorting, he was excited. He said, "Yo, Lord, you outdid yourself this time. She is a beaut. At last!"

Frank writes on, "Thus according to God’s eternal plan, it is not good for man to be alone. Man needs woman. Man and woman are to be suitable for each other. They are to be partners. In fact, they are to be so united that "the two of them become one body." (Gen 1:24). And since the Father knows best, then this is a given. And since this is a given, we men simply need to learn to live with it. Living with reality means living with woman.

Geraldine, Frank’s wife, has forgiven him for what he said about women being weird but she hasn’t forgotten. His outraged daughter Vanya changed the title of his book from Females are Weird to Females are Fabulous. This week, I’m picking on the men to get even with Frank’s first insinuation. Here goes.

• By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

• Some people think the proper age for a man to start thinking of marriage is when he’s old enough to realize he shouldn’t.

• Nothing ages a man faster than trying to prove he’s still as young as ever.

• Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

• An advise to men over 50: Keep an open mind and a closed refrigerator.

• There are three things most men love but never understand: females, girls, and women.

• To see through a man it takes an x-ray or an ex-wife.

• A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.

• The average man is 42 around the chest, 44 around the waist, 96 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house.

• Listen men: Maybe you’ll never be as big a hero as your son thinks you are but you’ll never be as big a fool as your mother-in-law thinks you are either.

• There are three kinds of men in the world: fits, misfits, and counterfeits.

• There are a lot of men in this world who started at the bottom – and stayed there.

• Men usually worry more about losing their hair than their heads.

• Maybe one of the things wrong with the world is that there’s not enough leaders of men and too many chasers of women.

• Some men close their eyes when they ride the bus. They hate to see a woman standing.

• Man can control everything except a woman and a typhoon.

• A man’s heart is like a sponge – soaked with emotions and sentiments. He can squeeze out a little bit for every pretty woman he meets.

• A man is a peculiar animal. For instance his head will turn when a woman’s hip moves.

• Most men have a way with women, but it’s seldom their own.

• If a man tells a woman she’s beautiful, she’ll overlook most of his other lies.

• A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

• A man is never as weak as when some woman is telling him how strong he is.

Now have you learned a bit about men and identified where you fit into your man’s life?