Egg hunting

Can women date like men? One would think that in this country that believes men who play mythical warriors can play president, times may not be as progressive as it is with the rest of the world. Liechtenstein may depict many a vexed vixen waiting over the phone with woeful prose filling her balloons of thought, waiting for the stud to make his move. Here are two things to know: Men can be lazy and yes, you can mack like a man.

In the latest issue of Details, some men came forward on how women took advantage of them and raped them. They never really did anything about it because they were simply too ashamed. Men are creatures of pride and the last thing you want to do to win is to attack their vanity. Also, whatever happens, don’t be a rapist.

Being the fairer sex, we should of course do it with much more grace. The world is spinning faster than you know it and if you wait for that bumpkin to lay down his PlayStation control pad before calling you then you might as well be counting the gray hairs sprouting on your head. The stress of waiting for a man do something is simply not worth it. Men simply just aren’t dependable enough – why do you think there’s no birth control pills for them? Will you trust your man to pop one every day? I thought not.

So in even simpler matters such as getting a second-date green light, things to circumvent around when making your move are no agents or middle men (too baduy), no drunk dialing, talk about clocks ticking and no mothers involved (yes, this happens all the time to the most unexpected).

You’re thinking, isn’t that sort of cheap? I’d like to call it goal-oriented. You’re no fast girl, just determined to get a story. The sweetness of passivity has gone by way of logomania: Done, done, done! The true art of a powerful mack is being covert. Look how stealth fighters have helped win the world. A good example is how a friend of mine won her side of the west with some ingenuity. She invited her conquest to an innocuous Sunday brunch with all of her gay friends all loaded on Mimosas. The legendary Chinese general Sun Tzu said, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." In times of mack, forget that. Bring in the weakest link and divide and conquer. Grace, of course, also implies a seamlessness in action, meaning your moves should be reciprocated by unwitting prey, whether subtly or with equal pounce. Now you cease to be goal-oriented when you become stalkerish or plain psycho. Also, no sending of flowers and chocolates for obvious reasons.

The reason why men are lazy may be because of empirical experience. In their academic years they were all wide-eyed and giddy about all notions of puppy love. Like sweet, little puppies they turn into dogs. They either become drooling lazy dogs or fight dogs. My ex-swinger pal says that when men hit their 30s, more often than not they become less adventurous with their dating choices. Because of career and domestic responsibilities rising they simply don’t have the time to deal with mind screws and dysfunctional women. Fight dogs are much more fun especially for thrill-seeking women. A guy I know who is into romantic sparring notes that when two predators come together it’s inevitable that one will still be predator and prey. However, the determining factor of who plays which is what makes the whole exercise fun.

Aside from roles and mindsets, there is one powerful tool for all mackers. The phone is a great weapon to be used with care. Yes, it has killed many social arts such as conversation and letter writing. It has singlehandedly changed the dating landscape. No wonder men are so lazy these days. However, when used well it can work to your advantage. Loser is the slut who sends "missent messages" intentionally, or worse, forwards messages with rabbits and hearts. If you’re going to be fight you’re gonna have to act it. Invoke the spirit of Dorothy Parker and channel wit in your messages (remember, brevity is the soul of wit). If the guy you are sleuthing on is sort of die in terms of intellect, then you can simply channel the spirit of Cameron Diaz and send lots of smiley faces. The issue in this situation, however, changes and leading to the question of why? Being up front always sets things to your pace. I’ve always thought it was a wet rag when a man invites me out asking if he can take me out sometime. Firmness in action is sexy, so be assertive without playing coy. Even the dumbest of them can sniff that. If one says no, see what no means. No as in there really is something keeping him from chasing his destiny but will reschedule or no as in no. For psychos and stalkers, as my friend says, "They think no means yes in Latin."

In times of mack, speak in English at all times.

The wonderful thing about taking the situation into your hands is that you control it. Love is your Play-doh. Whether this one turns out to be a Faberge or a rotten egg, all is not lost. No getting drunk beside the phone, no pathetic fishing tactics to be performed by giveaway best pal and stalking him at the mall and pretending not to see him when you cross paths. It’s simply so die, isn’t it? So I wouldn’t be afraid to date like a man, however, it is much more fun to date like a real woman.