‘Letters from the Closet’ & thinking outside the box

I am not gay. The irony of this is exactly the reason why Letters from the Closet surprisingly remains a good read. A tale about one’s sexual orientation and coming out of the closet, Tony Ferrante and Paulette Jacobson’s Letters from the Closet will seem incongruous in the inspirational section, what with a spine, cover, and pages that would fit right in the children’s section of a bookstore.

Letters is cleverly and exceptionally narrated with just the sensitive correspondence between and the soul-searching journal entries of the two main characters, Adam and Katie; once a couple, broken up by man’s ceaseless search for his "identity." It is a book that surprisingly managed to grab hold of my heart; a book that freed me from a world I was unknowingly living in. It is a book that offers a different opinion; a book that tries to make us understand and appreciate others. It is my favorite book.

By merely skimming through the pages of the book, it is easy to be fooled into thinking that the content will match the cheeriness of the colors of the glossy pages, or the fun of the pop-open mailboxes, or the triviality of the postcards in it, all of which add to the unique style the story is told. Yet, there is nothing cheery about Adam’s break-up note, nor fun about his subsequent resignation letter, nor trivial about the journal entries in between.

The story starts with Adam’s vague, coffee mug-stained break-up note – a coward’s way to end things, I know. The confusion and frustration in his failure to express exactly what it is he wanted said is palpable in the brief note. The next page is an excerpt from Katie’s journal, written shortly after the discovery of The Note. There would be no acceptance yet, no forgiveness. Here, we are blasted with a typical spurned woman’s reaction – anger, bitterness, grief, and then, guilt. I cannot help but empathize with Katie, for really, what a distasteful way to break up! Still, I cannot not sympathize with Adam who, like many of us, is so clearly at odds with himself. And so, the premise is built.

Fast-forward 10 years. Adam and Katie’s college reunion is coming up. Adam is now a priest, albeit a conflicted one judging from his more recent journal entries, while Katie is a lesbian as she confessed to Adam in a postcard she sent him.

Katie is in a stable relationship and has managed to carve out a life with her partner Lynn and their son Joey. As recounted in Katie’s journal, Joey is a child who is not free from being ridiculed in school. Katie and Lynn, however, are doing a good job of nurturing Joey and easing the child’s anxiety regarding the unconventional family he belongs to.

Adam, meanwhile, is now a priest who teaches at a prep school, still trapped in his conflicted emotions. In his own words, he’s "a priest who doesn’t know who or what he is…"

This is a story about finding oneself in the labyrinthine life destiny – that God or some other divine being – handed us. Different people may, and will, interpret Letters differently. I have never experienced any inner conflict as complicated as this. Personally, I have had quite an easy life, pretty much easy options, not so much dark secrets, and a great community to live in. Letters provided me with an insight different from the one I have had and used to.

The family is a unit of society. Especially in the Philippines, family means a father, mother, and the children. This is what society has dictated, what the Church dictates. Looking around, I see that though there are plenty of so-called traditional families, more and more unconventional families are being formed. "Being different isn’t bad," Katie says. Who am I to say any different? I am, after all, a product of a traditional family. Am I more complete now than if I had belonged in an unconventional one? I may never know, but this I now know: "Every family is unique and special." It is not the father, the mother, or the children, for that matter, who can make the family complete. It is the love, support, and respect one can count on experiencing. This, as demonstrated by Katie, Lynn, and Joey, is what completes a family.

What is it that makes us ridicule the unusual, anyway? Why is it that prejudice and hate still linger in our minds? It is because, like Joey’s schoolmates, we do not completely understand. Katie wrote, "Ignorance causes people to say hateful things." In this cookie-cutter world that we live in, River Phoenix once said with much frustration, "People are constantly trying to make an image for you…they want a certain image, so they create that." But that is just impossible. Conflict and an identity are parts of who we are. These are what make life unlimited. Adam captured it well in this sentence – "Control is an illusion!"

The Philippines is a society that boasts a rich Christian community. As I see it through Adam’s eyes, this merely serves as a hindrance for change, an integral part of human lives. When the individuals that make up the society change, society should also change. People are now more open about their true selves, not only personality-wise but also regarding their sexual preferences. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that same-sex relationships, two of which Adam mentioned as "blessed in God’s eyes" – David and Jonathan’s, Ruth and Naomi’s, date back to the Old Testament. But the Church, a persistent obstacle, still turns a blind eye towards homosexuals. We need to understand – our world is changing; neither for the good nor bad, just…changing. And yes, for some, it might be daunting, but it need not be a scary experience. We need only to find acceptance and peace, among our selves and with others, as Adam eventually would.

Each of the 38 pages of the book is a treasure trove of lessons, dosed in such a way that one feels no self-righteousness, condemnation, or pity. Every life, cliché as it may sound, is special. If one has felt different or been at the receiving end of ridicule for being different at least once in their life, then Letters From the Closet is worth a chance. Better yet, if one is at the other end of the spectrum – the one who ridicules – the book may just be the first step towards a less ignorant life.

I do not plan on being a devoted advocate for those outside society’s norms, but being apathetic was never a part of my plans either. The real essence of Letters From the Closet is best captured by these lines from an episode of the HBO series Six Feet Under: "People might wonder what point there is in leading a life where you don’t touch any other lives. But it would be arrogant of us to assume that. Every life is a contribution; we just may not see how."

As the book has provided me with a different perspective – a way to think outside the proverbial box – it covertly made me want others to demonstrate a similar open-mindedness. That is what defines a good book.