When I worry, I turn to prayer

I admit. I am a worrier. I fret over most everything – even things I know I have no reason to worry about. That’s just the way I am. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s something that I definitely would want to conquer and minimize significantly, if not totally get rid of.

As if that weren’t enough, I am a certified true-blue hypochondriac, too. Tell me about your neighbor’s neighbor who is now six feet under ground because of a malignant brain tumor and I will ask you what his symptoms were. Trust that that very same night I will be experiencing the very same symptoms you told me about. In my mind I will be convinced that an otherwise ordinary headache is caused by nothing less than a brain tumor, too. My friends laugh when I tell them about it but believe me, it is not funny.

A life of worrying goes against what religion class instilled in us – that God wants us to live a full and abundant life. He doesn’t promise a worry-free or a problem-free life, given that we live in an imperfect world, but He never fails to tell us in more ways than one that all we have to do is lean on Him.

One of the favorite religious songs I learned as a young child goes like this,

Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows
Are you tired of spinning round and round
Wrap up all the shattered dreams of your life
And at the feet of Jesus lay them down
Give them all, give them all
Give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys
Give them all, give them all
Give them all to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrow in to joy

Which brings me to the heart of this piece. Faith and the importance of prayer.

I am not alone in my worrying. I am but one of the millions worldwide who do. We are all the same in that we become anxious at what life throws our way and we simply differ in the degree that we fuss over things.

I’m probably a shameful 7 on a worry scale of 1-10. I don’t like going to the doctor for routine check-ups. I even fret over my friends’ problems! If I’m supposed to meet a friend and she’s late, the first thing that comes to mind is that she probably ran into some trouble. If a vacationing househelp doesn’t come home on time, chances are I would surmise she might have gotten into an accident. If I’m repeatedly calling one of my brothers and/or a friend and they won’t pick up, I would think their phone might have been stolen when all along their mobile was just on silent mode because they were either in class or in a moviehouse.

Pray tell where do all these thoughts come from? Another case in point: a dear, dear friend who is almost like a father to me goes through an executive check-up and I count the days till his results are out and I can be assured that he is given a clean bill of health. And to think that was just a routine check-up. One of our trusted drivers has himself checked for some pain he is bothered about and I worry incessantly that it might be some life-threatening disease. My thoughts immediately go to his family, etc., etc., etc. The doctor’s verdict? Constipation. Nothing a mega-dose of fiber won’t cure. But you see my point? I immediately think of the worst-case scenario and worry about things that have no basis as of yet. It bothers me because I’m the type who can’t be very productive when something bugs me. I have a tendency to just go through the motions, but with a dark cloud of w-o-r-r-y hovering over me. Unpleasant.

That’s why I’m very thankful to my parents for teaching me to hold on to prayer. It’s what keeps me sane and calm. It’s what makes me go through life and not ending up a nut case.

God has always been so good. Despite my many faults. He has seen me through a lot of trials and setbacks (real and imagined). When I am anxious about something, I immediately go to a quiet corner and cut through the pages of my Bible. And always, always, consistently enough for me to know it was not coincidental, He throws back at me phrases that really hit home. Before I open the Bible I always tell him in full detail about the situation I am in, sort of like making sumbong although I have no doubt He already knew what I was going to say long before I actually said it. After my litany of kuwento I beg Him to speak to me through the Bible, opening the pages at random and with my eyes still closed position my pointer finger wherever it feels like going. I then read the specific paragraph or verse. Suffice to say that I don’t believe the obvious relation and relevance of the verse to the thing I was praying for is purely coincidental. Through the many years that I have been doing it I have had no reason to doubt.

When both my parents were sick and about to go through surgery, I opened the pages to a verse about healing that in effect gave me affirmation that all will be okay. True enough, time has proven that all is okay. Once upon a time there was something I was asking God for and whenever I would pray about it he would always answer in the affirmative (still through my Bible readings). Imagine my absolute confusion when that very same dream slipped through my fingers just when I was so sure I had it nailed. I theorized that I must have assumed too much too soon or perhaps because I so desired it I blindly believed what I wanted to believe, reading an affirmation in a verse that wasn’t supposed to be one. Having conceded to that thought, slowly but surely I let the dream go. Imagine my surprise when just recently, almost two years to the date I first started praying for it, my dream became a reality (I know the time interval because I date and mark prayer requests and answers in the pages of my Bible). It landed on my lap long after I stopped praying for it. Through this incident and countless others I now know that God’s word is indeed flawless. He will do what He has promised to do. In His time.

Another thing I learned about praying is that we shouldn’t take what we say lightly because God will hold us up to what we say. Don’t let talk be cheap. I know of someone’s mom whose sister was very sick. Desperately praying for her sister’s healing, my friend’s mom said she would willingly take her sister’s fate just as long as the latter will be spared. And that’s exactly what happened. The last that I heard my friend’s mom was still bedridden. There was this young couple in love, the guy’s parents are separated and each time he prayed he would tell the Lord that he was willing to lose His girlfriend just so his family could again be intact. That, too, happened.

And then there is the true story of a lady very dear to me. She was seriously ill and one time during prayer she asked the Lord to give her an extension of her life. Five years more, Lord, she said. True enough, a few months after she hit the fifth year since she first fell seriously ill, He took her home.

I’m not saying things could have happened differently for them. What I’m trying to point out is that when we make a request to God He doesn’t automatically require us to give up something good that we are currently enjoying in exchange for it. There’s no written rule that says that. His power and the abundance of blessings He wants to give us are bottomless. We don’t have to limit His grace. Though it’s a different story altogether if we would volunteer to give up something we know is bad or if we resolve to change for the better. That would definitely please Him.

Now I remember Rina, a friend of mine who, when things go her way or when her prayers are answered, would actually fall into a depression. The reason? She believes that for every happiness God grants her He will also let some major sadness befall her soon after. I hope she realizes soon that God just doesn’t work that way. How can she enjoy the blessings and the good things when she is already anticipating some sad event to equalize it?

Meanwhile, because I am only human, I have a long way to go before all these little things will cease to bother me, before I stop needlessly worrying. But until then, I have prayers to see me through. I am thankful for His presence in my life, I will continue to take comfort in His word, and remain steadfast in His promises. I will strive harder not allow myself to wallow on what is negative simply because fear is not of the Lord.

And always, always I will take His invitation to lean on Him – come hell or high water.