The most demanding job in the world
May 11, 2003 | 12:00am
Let’s say you are a woman. Perhaps a naïve, young lass or maybe a bright, experienced and not so very young lady. And let’s suppose you saw an ad in the newspaper that reads like the following. Would you apply for the job?
Job Title:
Mother
Basic Requirements:
Must be female
Must be loving, caring and giving
Must have absolutely no knowledge of what she is getting into otherwise she would back out!
Basic Skills & Qualifications:
Must be:
An accountant/economist with knowledge of money management
A budget expert who can make both ends meet with knowledge of saving even when there is nothing left from the income to save!
A marketing wizard with great purchasing ability and can spot great buys and bargains a mile away
An interior decorator with knowledge of furniture maintenance and repair
A cook/chef specializing in delicious home-cooked meals
A baker of yummy cookies, doughnuts and pancakes; should know how to decorate cakes or at least, stick birthday candles in
A fast food expert who knows how to make great sandwiches and mouthwatering desserts
A nutritionist who knows how to make energy foods taste good and can make meal plans for at least a month
An artist with knowledge of arts & crafts, drawing, and means knows who or what ROY G. BIV means
A cleaning lady/laundry woman who does windows and beds
A tailor/couturier with a knowledge of basic tailoring, sewing on buttons, and freeing stuck zippers
A bootblack who shines not only shoes, but belt buckles and bags as well
A gardener and a bit of a landscape architect
A florist who can make fabulous arrangements with almost zero funds
A creative painter specifically of the house paint variety
A bartender who knows how to mix party drinks, juices and most importantly, milk at ungodly hours!
An expert beautician with knowledge of shampooing, haircutting, hairstyling, manicure, and pedicure
A magician who can make the medicine go down, kiss away tears, and perform other miracles!
A witch doctor who can exorcise ghosts and scary imaginary characters
A mechanical technician able to operate toaster, vacuum cleaner, microwave oven, washing machine, etc., and do minor appliance repair
A plumber with a knowledge of toilet maintenance and drainage
An electrician who knows how to change light bulbs and knows the difference between 110 and 220 volts
A care giver who knows how to give baths, dress wounds, and give healing massages, comforting strokes and caresses
A toy expert who knows how to assemble, operate and repair toys
A psychologist who can handle the most stubborn of clients
An effective disciplinarian who must be able to control and sweet-talk little and sometimes overgrown toughies (not to mention husband!)
A human hammock for sleeping princes and princesses
An engaging storyteller with an endless repertoire of bedtime stories; should be able to stand telling the same story over and over again
A great motivator to uplift the morale of the little ones (and the husband, too!)
A wise person with limitless advice for all kinds of problems and sticky situations
A spiritual adviser for the downtrodden and depressed
A fair and cheerful judge to settle petty quarrels
A complaints officer willing to lend time and a patient ear
An ever-ready confidante with a comforting shoulder to cry on
A security expert to police child tantrums and break up juvenile fights
A patient teacher who can do all kinds of assignments and homework
A lighting director who can provide the best, most cost-effective illumination for the home including candlelit dinners
A wardrobe consultant for the most demanding clientele
A party planner who can keep cool under great tension
A doctor/nurse with basic knowledge of drugs, how to read a thermometer, and give sponge baths
A managerial expert to manage the home and its inhabitants, extended family members as well as the household help, the laundry woman, the driver, the gardener, etc. (and in-laws, whew!)
A PR expert for all social and business requirements
An entertainer with singing ability especially of sweet lullabies
A great communicator with good communication skills; must be able to write letters especially school excuse slips
A secretary who can take phone calls, jot down messages and schedule appointments
A glorified maid who is ready and willing to do it all!
Special Requirements:
Must be able to take a lot of stress
Should have a high breaking or boiling point
Must be able to endure the excruciating pain of childbirth
Should be able to withstand high decibel shrieks and screams
Capable of straightening out the mess kids usually make of the house (including crayon sketches on walls and ink stains on white shirts!)
Must be a human encyclopedia with satisfying answers for all queries from young minds
Must possess patience to the point of martyrdom
A great kisser for the kids (and hubby, too!)
Should look good despite all the hassles and tensions and still be a lover, sex goddess, love machine, supporter and motivator to her man or husband.
Pay:
There is no gratitude in this job. There is no specific pay; you usually end up paying for everyone and everything. There is no overtime pay, no pension, and no clear-cut financial rewards to expect. You even work during holidays and even when you are out on a holiday, it will still be work.
Job Term:
Your whole lifetime. Once you’ve given birth, you can’t stop being a mother. Warning: this is the only true 24-hour job.
Benefits:
Not a lot. Usually, no insurance and health benefits. Only benefits to look forward to are tears of joy at graduations, weddings and occasions celebrating family members‚ successes. And hugs and kisses from the little ones (but only once in a while when they feel like).
None. You must create your own titles and opportunities. The only next position you can be promoted to is that of being a grandmother.
If this ad were placed, would there be any takers? Or to put it another way, would there be any qualified applicants? Every time I see a young lady smiling radiantly on her way to the altar in her immaculate white wedding gown, I always say, "Uh-oh, here’s another one who does not know what she is getting herself into."
But these sweet young things who know almost absolutely nothing at the start soon develop into incredibly efficient and outstanding individuals who perform the hardest and most demanding job in the world – motherhood. Thanks to these selfless, loving, caring and giving angels, the human race keeps surviving through the stress and turmoil all through the ages.
Take a bow, mothers! We salute you!
Happy Mother’s Day everyone!
I’d love to hear from you! For your comments and info about my life-enhancement seminars, e-mail DeroSeminar@yahoo.com or text/call +63920-4053233. Should you wish to forward this article, please acknowledge The Philippine STAR and the author. Reprinting, recording or publishing this article in any form requires copyright permission from the author.
Job Title:
Mother
Basic Requirements:
Must be female
Must be loving, caring and giving
Must have absolutely no knowledge of what she is getting into otherwise she would back out!
Basic Skills & Qualifications:
Must be:
An accountant/economist with knowledge of money management
A budget expert who can make both ends meet with knowledge of saving even when there is nothing left from the income to save!
A marketing wizard with great purchasing ability and can spot great buys and bargains a mile away
An interior decorator with knowledge of furniture maintenance and repair
A cook/chef specializing in delicious home-cooked meals
A baker of yummy cookies, doughnuts and pancakes; should know how to decorate cakes or at least, stick birthday candles in
A fast food expert who knows how to make great sandwiches and mouthwatering desserts
A nutritionist who knows how to make energy foods taste good and can make meal plans for at least a month
An artist with knowledge of arts & crafts, drawing, and means knows who or what ROY G. BIV means
A cleaning lady/laundry woman who does windows and beds
A tailor/couturier with a knowledge of basic tailoring, sewing on buttons, and freeing stuck zippers
A bootblack who shines not only shoes, but belt buckles and bags as well
A gardener and a bit of a landscape architect
A florist who can make fabulous arrangements with almost zero funds
A creative painter specifically of the house paint variety
A bartender who knows how to mix party drinks, juices and most importantly, milk at ungodly hours!
An expert beautician with knowledge of shampooing, haircutting, hairstyling, manicure, and pedicure
A magician who can make the medicine go down, kiss away tears, and perform other miracles!
A witch doctor who can exorcise ghosts and scary imaginary characters
A mechanical technician able to operate toaster, vacuum cleaner, microwave oven, washing machine, etc., and do minor appliance repair
A plumber with a knowledge of toilet maintenance and drainage
An electrician who knows how to change light bulbs and knows the difference between 110 and 220 volts
A care giver who knows how to give baths, dress wounds, and give healing massages, comforting strokes and caresses
A toy expert who knows how to assemble, operate and repair toys
A psychologist who can handle the most stubborn of clients
An effective disciplinarian who must be able to control and sweet-talk little and sometimes overgrown toughies (not to mention husband!)
A human hammock for sleeping princes and princesses
An engaging storyteller with an endless repertoire of bedtime stories; should be able to stand telling the same story over and over again
A great motivator to uplift the morale of the little ones (and the husband, too!)
A wise person with limitless advice for all kinds of problems and sticky situations
A spiritual adviser for the downtrodden and depressed
A fair and cheerful judge to settle petty quarrels
A complaints officer willing to lend time and a patient ear
An ever-ready confidante with a comforting shoulder to cry on
A security expert to police child tantrums and break up juvenile fights
A patient teacher who can do all kinds of assignments and homework
A lighting director who can provide the best, most cost-effective illumination for the home including candlelit dinners
A wardrobe consultant for the most demanding clientele
A party planner who can keep cool under great tension
A doctor/nurse with basic knowledge of drugs, how to read a thermometer, and give sponge baths
A managerial expert to manage the home and its inhabitants, extended family members as well as the household help, the laundry woman, the driver, the gardener, etc. (and in-laws, whew!)
A PR expert for all social and business requirements
An entertainer with singing ability especially of sweet lullabies
A great communicator with good communication skills; must be able to write letters especially school excuse slips
A secretary who can take phone calls, jot down messages and schedule appointments
A glorified maid who is ready and willing to do it all!
Special Requirements:
Must be able to take a lot of stress
Should have a high breaking or boiling point
Must be able to endure the excruciating pain of childbirth
Should be able to withstand high decibel shrieks and screams
Capable of straightening out the mess kids usually make of the house (including crayon sketches on walls and ink stains on white shirts!)
Must be a human encyclopedia with satisfying answers for all queries from young minds
Must possess patience to the point of martyrdom
A great kisser for the kids (and hubby, too!)
Should look good despite all the hassles and tensions and still be a lover, sex goddess, love machine, supporter and motivator to her man or husband.
Pay:
There is no gratitude in this job. There is no specific pay; you usually end up paying for everyone and everything. There is no overtime pay, no pension, and no clear-cut financial rewards to expect. You even work during holidays and even when you are out on a holiday, it will still be work.
Job Term:
Your whole lifetime. Once you’ve given birth, you can’t stop being a mother. Warning: this is the only true 24-hour job.
Benefits:
Not a lot. Usually, no insurance and health benefits. Only benefits to look forward to are tears of joy at graduations, weddings and occasions celebrating family members‚ successes. And hugs and kisses from the little ones (but only once in a while when they feel like).
But these sweet young things who know almost absolutely nothing at the start soon develop into incredibly efficient and outstanding individuals who perform the hardest and most demanding job in the world – motherhood. Thanks to these selfless, loving, caring and giving angels, the human race keeps surviving through the stress and turmoil all through the ages.
Take a bow, mothers! We salute you!
Happy Mother’s Day everyone!
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