What some women want

I am struck by the number of letters our advice column gets from boys who think that girls only like guys that are good-looking, popular, with money and cars. While it is true that there are "material girls" around, I can’t stress enough to these disillusioned boys that they must be running around the wrong circles and advise them to steer to another clique.

To enlighten the confused male species and even those who think they have figured us out, I spoke to women aged 15 to 50 and asked what they really want from their men. This, I want to share.

Many women want their men to be "basta mabait." But this answer was so vague. Not surprisingly, most, if not all the women I spoke to after asking them to be more specific insisted on a sense of responsibility from their man. The context of responsibility had too wide a meaning, and it seemed loosely used. Until finally, older women said a man who kept his promise of fidelity and never made her feel rejected or suspicious was responsible.

Still, responsibility for this older group meant also the skill to balance the expectations laid on the male according to their calling. Whether he presented himself as a breadwinner, a patient son, a caring husband, a civic-minded citizen... whatever – just honest in what his occupation was. At the end of the interview, the women described responsible as being reliable. The women stressed that it did not necessarily mean to provide them in the most extravagant ways. The ultimate questions was "May ipapakain ka ba sa anak ko?"

The younger girls referred to the word responsible as a trait of a boy who knows how to prioritize. Someone who comes on time to pick her up on dates and keeps promises. If he can stand up for her at any cost and protect her reputation, he is responsible. Just like he is, if he doesn’t get into trouble with any gangs or his parents.

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Although the ladies wished for basically the same things, they ranked each "qualification" differently. Most ladies admitted to being attracted to men that are well-mannered and treat them with respect. For example, little nuances like staying on the danger side of the road, opening the door of the car for them, lending a hand while going up the bus, carrying a bucket of water to the laundry area, these are small acts that earn big points. Male chivalry is a sought-after trait. To them it defines breeding, and displays qualities like thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

Most women want their mates to be God-fearing although I noticed that teenagers didn’t mention this as often as the older ones. God hasn’t grown old-fashioned but that was among the older women. A man with the same religious belief was preferred so their values would be compatible. Not many women thought of the possibility of conversion to another faith.

Another common denominator was a sense of humor. Women and girls said it would be fun if male partners made them laugh too. Wit for them is a reflection of intelligence. In these hard times, one has to be able to inject some laughter everywhere, especially in the home, they remarked.

That the man is secure in himself is important. Women and even the girls didn’t want to worry about overshadowing their boyfriends or husbands. Especially not in this 21st century when women are aggressively finding their niche and trying hard to discover themselves through their respective fields. The supposedly weaker sex wants to be able to grow without being held down by an insecure partner. This spawns another trait that women find attractive. They want their mates to be understanding, to give them the space, not be demanding but supportive.

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While many Class A and B women are very specific about the man’s hygiene (clean nails, clean toes, clean-shaven), the Class C and D were content with their man having daily baths...some didn’t even think it as a consideration. But "a man that’s presentable" ended this topic.

Kindness counted through observing a relationship between animals and man. If he was kind to animals, he would be more so to humans.

With these traits from the women and girls, where do the good-looking, popular and moneyed guys stand? All the women aver that these are mere icing on the cake. It’s a definite plus but not of main significance. Many females in fact thought that having these traits in a partner posed problems for them. Their males could turn out to be egoistical and vain, or worse, unable to resist temptations. In fairness to us girls, we want our partners to be more profound.

Intuition also played a part of "feeling" in the women to perceive a male’s character, his turns and twists. We too wonder how a man "thinks," as girls have a great 6th sense deciphering them.