Palibhasa Tsismis!

If there were a downside to being famous it would be that famous people are magnets for gossip – ranging from harmless to malicious and everything else in between. Their larger-than-life personas spill over from the boob tube or the silver screen to the mundane everyday life. We are guilty of dissecting and talking about each and every issue with nary a thought for the feelings of the persons involved. We seem not to care whether the tsismis is even true in the first place. And we do this as if it were the most natural thing for us to do. The more scandalous, the better. Discussions can last from dinner to dessert, even through the nightcap.

The fact that famous people are public property makes them fair game. Have you ever considered that they are just as human as you and me? They were not born with an innate ability to be strong – if they are strong it’s because they have to be. As they say, one cannot be onion-skinned in a business like show business. Celebrities may live charmed lives but they also have more to deal with than the average person. With whom else can an otherwise common happening be magnified 10 or 20 times over?

Why are we more discreet when talking about the affairs of close friends and associates, carefully spilling the beans in a hush-hush manner, making sure that it stays in the confines of our inner circle? Yet, we seem only too willing to shout out to the whole city when the issue involves a public personality? In true Pinoy style, gossip is our favorite pastime, the celebrity being talked about becomes the favorite ulam and under the guise of harmless banter, a life is (often unfairly), scrutinized.

Just how do celebrities cope with gossip?

Most of the cases I site here will be of those stars I know personally and it is with their permission that I write about them. Others that are hidden behind clues are in keeping with the requests of the stars themselves.

Douglas Quijano taught his stable of talents to channel their energy under one philosophy: If it’s not true why react and if it is, why bother? Easier said than done, if I may say so. Maybe it helps that they got into the business prepared to embrace everything that came along with it. The first blow will always hurt the most; the succeeding ones will hurt some more but they will also serve to toughen the resolve. So, if they become jaded along the way, that should come as no surprise.

Let Bygones Be Bygones

During his first few years in the business, Richard was quick on the draw, impulsively confronting those who fabricated stories about him. Once during a pictorial with then love team Snooky Serna, Richard walked in very bothered by something a reporter had written. He asked an innocent Snooky if she knew who and where the guy was. She pointed him out as he happened to be in the same room and before she could make heads or tails of what was happening, Richard was off chasing the reporter. It became a big issue because the reporter filed a suit claiming Richard had mauled him (Richard never even laid a finger on him), his fellow reporters believed his side of the story and it was only Cristy Fermin who made an effort to get to the bottom of things. The truth came out in the end, as it always does.

There was another time when one of Richard’s leading ladies (whom he was romantically involved with then) was maligned in public for no apparent reason by a reporter. Several days later, at Richard’s initiative, he and the reporter met over coffee at the Peninsula Manila. The reporter claimed he was just drunk and didn’t remember a thing about the incident. Richard ordered a bottle of scotch and told the reporter, "I don’t drink so I apologize for whatever might transpire tonight because I, too, may conveniently forget." Without naming names and giving out further details, suffice it to say that no one got hurt, everything ended well, and Richard and the reporter even became relatively good friends.

Time and maturity has a way of tempering one’s disposition towards life. Richard has learned to be more passive towards irresponsible writers. When the AIDS issue came along, he cleared his name by having an AIDS test covered live by media and went on to sue the person who started it all for libel. Needless to say, he won. The funny thing was, long before the case was even over they had already both decided to let bygones be bygones.

Laughter Helps

Joey Marquez was in the news for practically 10 months straight, from the time Vandolph was involved in that car accident, to the break-up of his marriage, to his love affair with Kris Aquino. But through the years, Joey has been the subject of gossip because of his supposed womanizing. "If it’s true I laugh at it, if it’s untrue, I laugh even harder," he says. Being in both politics and showbiz where tsismis thrives in leaps and bounds, Joey says he will not allow it to put a wrinkle on his face. He rests in the certainty that today’s news will be passé’ tomorrow. No one is ever grilled and gossiped about constantly.

You have to hand it to Kris though who has maintained her composure even through the worst jokes and most cruel text messages thrown her way. Her grace and strength in the face of controversy is admirable because if you really think about it, what has she done that is so wrong? The girl just fell in love. The choice is hers but because she is a celebrity, people won’t rest until they are in some way a part of her life.

If the tittle-tattle were about your spouse, where would you draw the line? When do you stop being a partner and start becoming a rumormonger?

Janice de Belen has this to say: "I was never one to believe gossip. In fact, even when all the signs said the tsismis was true I always took my husband’s word for it." Until, of course, the truth surfaced and set everyone free. Of their present status she says, "It’s a load off my chest because at least I no longer second-guess where he could be, what time he’s coming home, there no longer are any expectations."

Did she ever wish she had just listened to the gossip sooner? "You always take as much as you can."

And Then Some Blind Items, Too

In the case of this actor whose wife was allegedly having an affair when no one expected her to, he says he should have listened to the gossip – maybe he should have taken it with a grain of salt. But he should not have disregarded it. Two stars, traipsing in the same industry, one turning her face away from the gossip, the other wishing he faced it head on.

I guess it’s safe to say that eighty percent of the time (especially in extramarital affairs), where there’s smoke, there’s fire. The sad thing is it matters not if it is but a tiny spark or even a little flicker, for as long as stars are involved, it will be written about and sensationalized. Media and rumormongers have a way of twisting the original story — chipping off a part here, adding some detail there. There may exist those irresponsible ones who will take a story off the air only to create what, in their minds, is news. If it should be reported and written about at all, at least let the facts go undiluted.

Did you ever think that gossip could actually save a marriage? Ironic, huh? Take the case of this actress-TV host who upon hearing rumors about her husband’s infidelity with her best friend set out to do some investigating of her own. She followed her husband and caught him red-handed. The affair was (thankfully?) only at its onset. Nipped in the bud, you could say. They’re still together now, intact as a couple, and that’s good news for a change.

Then there’s this non-showbiz wife of an actor who overheard her husband on the phone making plans to meet with his flavor-of-the-month. He gave some legit-sounding excuse to his wife and without letting on that she knew something was afoot, she obediently kissed him goodbye. Little did he know that she had squeezed herself into the backseat of the van he was driving. So, there he was, whistling happily as he picked up the other girl. As they waited for their room in the motel to be ready, his wife decided it was time to make her presence felt. Sitting upright with hands crossed, she patiently waited until her husband glanced at the rearview mirror. He almost jumped out of his seat when he saw what he thought was a ghost!

Only The Strong Survive

In the same way it can save a relationship, it also has the power to strain a friendship. This almost happened to Richard and Joey who, for a long time, were like brothers until political chitchat found its way between them. Their years of friendship, however, stood the test of time, as proven when they chanced upon each other during the birthday of Tito Dougs back in 1998.

Ariel Rivera has never, ever let tsismis bother him. "But what if it’s true?" I asked. He surmised that the only time celebrities react negatively to gossip is when the people who matter don’t know about it. If they already do, you can just brush it aside because at the end of the day it’s between you and the people you hold dear.

John Estrada likewise believes there’s nothing to gain by letting gossip affect you. Truth be told, people will always have their own opinions. They will ask and expect you to explain as much as you’re willing to but they will also conclude as much as they want to.

It’s bad enough that celebrities have to publicly go through their share of life’s ups and downs, it’s even worse that they are being judged, picked on and talked about by pundits as they journey through that. Talk about rubbing salt on a wound. They’re not even allowed to quietly deal with the pain.

Gossip has a way of creating tension in an otherwise fun gathering, too. When everyone in the party (except the wife) knows the husband is carrying on an extramarital affair, the party becomes a venue to dissect husband and wife nuances: Does she already know, doesn’t she even suspect, how could he do that her?

When the marriage eventually ends it becomes even more of a dilemma to the host/hostess. Will it be okay to invite both or should it be just one or the other? Richard and I have celebrity friends who have separated and luckily for us, we have never had to deal with this decision. The now-separated husband and wife team were comfortable enough to be in the same place at the same time. Even when the guy came to a couple of gatherings with his new partner in tow, his ex-wife never raised hell (she wasn’t in the same party of course). But still, credit should go to her for being calm and objective even in a most harried situation. The problem was between her and her ex-husband. Why oblige close friends to be part of it? Neither one of them asked anyone in the group to choose whom to remain friends with and for that I’m pretty sure everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

No Washing Dirty Linen

In the midst of waiting for the annulment of his marriage to Aiko, Jomari cannot emphasize enough the need to keep mum. After all, he muses, why wash your dirty linen in public? Instead of exposing things that may aggravate the hurt party, it’s best that details and facts are told only when necessary.

Do they ever deny gossip that is true? Hello! All the time, they do. Often times it is to snuff out further speculations because the issue is really just too shallow (ka-cheapan as they say in showbiz) or to shield loved ones from getting hurt. One actor says that in the five years he was with his real and reel leading lady, he never once admitted to any indiscretion. Some of the tsismis were not true but the others were. But deny, as much as they want – till they are blue in the face – they will. One actor was caught in bed with another girl by his girlfriend (not in the act but moments after the act) and even then he still had the guts to rebuff the obvious. "Who is that girl beside you?" the girlfriend furiously demanded. A moment’s silence and actor looked at the girl beside him in bed and said, "I have no idea. Who are you, by the way?"

There is some solace to be found in not reading the tabloids. They say that it is in publications such as these that money is the moving force: The more horrific and incredible the headline, the better the sales.

Whatever it will take to trigger curiosity (no matter how untrue) will consequently translate to sales. It is dysfunctional, to say the least, because it always happens at another person’s expense.

Gretchen Barretto has this to say: "Though I deal with every issue differently, I have learned to accept them as a fact of life and live with them. Even if gossip is true, it’s never 100 percent accurate. What’s important is I know what my priorities are. Life is precious so I can just let idle talk go. And I’ve always, always believed that there is absolutely nothing that will not come to pass. Through the years, I have learned to have spunk even in the worst situations. Yes, it will sting but I will not allow it to devastate me."

Publicity, after all, is still publicity. Good or bad, when people talk and choose to fabricate things about you it’s because you are interesting. Heck, people hire PR agencies and go against the tide to reinvent themselves. On the other hand, those who are hounded by rumors can’t wait to get some breathing space. It is a known fact that there are even some politicians who actually pay to have their names put and appear in tabloids just so they become more popular with the masses.

As far as gossip is concerned, stars prefer not to acknowledge the issue at hand. Some cases though necessitate that it’s best that they do, especially if their honor is at stake and the facts are twisted and spun way out of control.

I, too – as a result of my marriage to a celebrity – have become a casualty of gossip. Mostly they have been speculative in nature but only two rumors stand out in my mind. The first was that I was pregnant therefore Richard and I had to get married (in reality we had to wait 19 months before I finally conceived) and the other was that we had a pre-nuptial agreement, which I found preposterous. I have nothing against those who find it necessary to have one but personally, it’s not my cup of tea. First off, why would I want to spend forever with someone I didn’t trust enough? What does that say about our intentions towards each other and the permanence of our union? Enough said.

Despite the trappings of perceived glamour and fame, the public often forgets that the star, when stripped to his bare soul is as real a person as the rest of us. If he seems to be made of sterner stuff, credit that to the wounds he may have gotten. And if he has mastered the art of grace amidst unspeakable pain, trust that he was not born with it.

Gossip and idle talk hurt more than we’ll ever know. To feel the bite, you’ll have to experience being at the receiving end.

That a celebrity will be talked about is a given. Whether what is said is true or not, well, that’s what makes it dynamic. But I guess we can all agree that even when directed at a public figure and in the context of a joke, a sharp tongue will never lose its sting.