Revitalize your relationship!

Married or living with someone? It can be a drag after a few months when the initial bliss wears out. You need to work on a relationship if you want it to flourish and last. Love is like a plant – if you don’t make a deliberate effort to keep nourishing and nurturing it, it will wither and die. Love certainly is not a one-way street. It is a complicated and oftentimes snarled, give-and-take highway where you make your own traffic rules and establish smooth cloverleaf interchanges.

Here are tips for a smooth ride:

1. If it bothers you, say it immediately.

If you let something that you don’t like pass without saying a word, it will surely happen again. In the meantime, you’d be dying with contempt inside. Don’t wait for things to get worse. Immediately say, "This bothers me. Can we talk about it?" Boxing your feelings within aggravates your frustration.

2. Clean up after you.

Rinse out the sink, clean the toilet bowl, scrub and dry the shower cubicle after using. Do this as a courtesy to the next person who will use it. If you’re a lazy slob, pay for a maid or house boy. Do not expect your mate to clean up after you. This will surely precipitate a fight. And never let dirty dishes pile up!

3. Agree about how the seat should be.

Little things peeve a lot. Men want the toilet seat cover up while women prefer it down. You have to make an agreement as to what the S.O.P. should be. If you agree that it should be down, then keep it down (and dry!) at all times. Another point of irritation is not putting the toothpaste cap back on after use. You might end up with cockroaches having fresher breath than you!

4. Have a positive attitude at all times.

Don’t sweat the little negative things. Live with the attitude that nothing can ruin your day. Look at the brighter side of everything. Focusing on the bad and irreversible will just give you ulcers and wrinkles. Be more cheerful than you really are. If you project happy, that’s what you’ll become!

5. Never put down or embarrass your mate in public.

Never belittle your partner in front of other people. Insulting him/her behind his/her back (even in jest) is disgusting and disrespectful. The one who will look stupid and ridiculous to other people is you. On the other hand, make sure you praise your mate to others within his/her hearing distance!

6. Think before you speak.

Don’t think aloud. Consider all related things and possible scenarios before opening your mouth to speak. Corollary: Listen before you talk. God made man with two ears and one mouth. What is His subtle message? That you should listen twice as much as you speak. Some people act like they had two mouths and one ear. Nagging puts a quick end to any relationship.

7. Take the TV out of the bedroom.

The bedroom is your private sanctum – don’t bring in all the negative news and talk show gossips to disrupt it. Establish a relaxing, romantic ambience that you’d look forward to going home to after a stressful day. Put the TV in the family or living room. If the two of you have different program preferences, buy two TV sets and wear headphones!

8. Life is already hard. Make it easier, simpler and more fun.

Make being together fun. Strive to make it even more magical if you have children. Bring home no-occasion gifts, have candlelit dinners, schedule backyard barbecue picnics, fill the house with fresh flowers, declare a no-radio, no-TV, no-PC day! Go out on dates! Don’t ever stop dating. Celebrate special days and anniversaries. Be creative about how you spend your time together or with family.

9. If you say, "I’m sorry," mean it.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is saying "Sorry" but not meaning it. Pretty soon, they are again committing the same thing they apologized for. When you say you are sorry, prove you are. And make sure you fulfill your promises. Especially the ones you make to your children.

10. Don’t just listen, comprehend.

Listening with a closed mind is an exercise in futility. Understand what the other party is trying to say. Look at him in the eye and observe his body language. No single person should win in an argument. A happy compromise should be reached so that both parties end up in a satisfactory win-win situation.

11. Improve your finances.

Money problems can disintegrate a relationship. Most marriage break-ups are caused by money-related disputes. Ironically, most break-ups also end up in legal money battles! Everyday, strive towards financial prosperity and independence. Women, especially, should know how to earn and manage money on their own. In instances of divorce or unexpected death of the man of the house, they end up confused and financially distressed.

12. Give love to get love.

If you want love for yourself (c’mon, who doesn’t want to be loved?), you must give love first. That’s how the Universal Law of Cause and Effect works. You must give in order to receive. And you have to give that which you seek. Who says love is a bed of roses? You must gather the roses and strew them all over the bed yourself!

(This article is dedicated to my friends Adam and Mary Jane who are celebrating their anniversary today.)

* * * The Dero Success Seminar

To accommodate the growing demand for my "Make Your Impossible Dreams Come True!" seminar, we have set a session for every Saturday of July from 4 to 8:30 p.m. (in addition to the one this Sunday, June 30). If you are interested to join, you must register to reserve a slot because seating is limited. The seminar includes a light meal and each participant will be awarded a certificate of attendance. E-mail DeroSeminar@yahoo.com or call Deena at (0920) 405-3233 for schedules and details.

* * *

I’d love to hear from you! E-mail deeperdoor@yahoo.com. Should you want to forward this article, be sure to mention the author Dero Pedero and acknowledge The Philippine STAR. The reprinting, recording or publishing of this article in any form including the Web requires copyright permission from the author.